Morons in the Workplace

Me : “Allright, do you want me to make a note in the server deployment plan to do the Java stuff, so we can enable the web-based features at that time?”

Moron : “Nah.”

(cut to day of server deployment)

Moron : "I think you need to run the javaserver.reg file on the server. "
. . .

Me : “Well, it appears we can’t run the new system as a service, so it will have to be manually started each time the computer is rebooted. The company that made the software said they can test solutions for running it as a service, but it’ll take two weeks.”

Same Moron : “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

(cut to day of server deployment)

Same Moron : “Can you run it as a service?”

Me : “Well, we discussed it with the company…”

Same Moron : “Because it’ll be really inconvenient to restart each time the system is rebooted.”


I think we are dealing with the same people.

I sent a file to my vendor and asked him to identify the columns of a certain file, since it had no headers/column idents. My end user has no idea by looking at the data in the file (all numerics) what the columns are validating.

Vendor sends back the following:
ACT and CAN FTM were verified and approved by [manager name removed] (see attached). The STA I am researching.

shakes head huh? I didn’t ask who approved the format, I asked what the damn columns are. You know…since you didn’t put headers in, what are the fucking columns of numbers! Are they phone numbers? Are they billing records? What?


The tragic irony? The moron in my case is one of the highest IT folks (amongst us contractors) in the place.

I have the e/mail in front of me:

From: Aguecheek
To: IT Help Desk

Good morning,

I am currently in possession of approximately 4 hours of audiotape from a recent meeting for [my department]. The participants were hoping that we’d be able to convert those tapes into some sort of audio file to post on our website. Is there any way to do this?

Thanks for any help.

From: IT Help Desk
To: Aguecheek

I am trying to find out who owns the website. I have made a couple of calls trying to figure this out. When I know, I will get back to you.

Thanks for your patience,
IT Help-Person

From: Aguecheek
To: IT Help Desk

Thanks for helping out!

It’s actually not the ownership of the site that worries me (Jane Blow here in my department is the webmaster, and Joe Blow in our companion department runs the server that hosts it), it’s whether we can transfer the meeting recorded on tape to some sort of media file.

From: IT Help Desk
To: Aguecheek

They would have to answer that as we can’t access the server to place those files on the server. Maybe they can let you know if there is room enough for these files. They should be able to help you. Have you contacted them yet?

IT Help-Person

It’s really not that hard to comprehend. I have tapes. There is a meeting recorded on the tape. I can’t stick the tapes in my computer. Can I transfer the meeting to file? I finally ended up calling them and explaining the situation. Slowly.

Their answer - Nope. Can’t help you.
My response - Okay, thanks. Can you think of a way that I could go about doing this?
IT - Well, we don’t have the equipment.
Me - I understand that. Could you suggest what particular methods I might employ and/or equipment I would need to accomplish this particular feat?
IT - If we had the equipment, we’d be able to help you out, but we don’t. Maybe you can do it yourself at home?
Me - HOW?! How do I do it!? What do I need!?
IT - Well, you’ll need a tape player first of all…


This is priceless. Where do these IT people come from, and why in the hell were they hired?

I’m pretty sure they were trained by our Help Desk people.

Well, at OUR company, the helpdesk folks are hired for their “customer service” skills first, technical skill, if and maybe.


So you can get the answer I always dread when I call up a vendor.

Helpdesk: Hi, thank you for calling XYZ corp.
Me: Yes. I need to open a ticket on this product. gives detailed information
Helpdesk: I can’t find that product listed. I can not open a ticket for you and I can not help you.
Me: You can’t help me? controls temper after 20 minute of trying to assist them in assisting me to open a ticket Can you please forward me to a manager? hears phone click off
There is one thing for customer service, but please make sure the person answering the phone can at least hit the forward button and put you to someone that can assist.

Aguecheek did you get the audio transfered? If not, the easiest way I could think of is to see if anyone has a portable mp3 player with recording cababilities. Then you should be able to do a linein/line out hookup, and record directly as .mp3.

Well, first of all, I need a tape player… :smiley:

Thankfully, the transfer isn’t highest on my list of priorities. Principals from the meeting have the minutes and copies of the presentations, so they’re happy for now. We also need to make the website more secure before we post anything, so it was more of a “if we can get it done now, why not” kinda project. One of these days, I’ll borrow a tape player from AV, plug it into my computer, and record it while I’m doing other stuff. Thanks for the advice, though; it’s more than I got from IT!

In the meantime, I keep the e/mail pinned to my wall as a reminder to constantly practice reading comprehension.