With the exception of Janeane Garofalo, who I have a crush on, I agree with everyone else. I’ve seen Howie Mandel’s stand-up live, and he was awful. But I’d like to nominate one of the sacred cows: Bill Cosby. I didn’t watch The Cosby Show growing up, so I don’t have any loyalty to him, or any warm sense of nostalgia toward him. But when I saw him live last year, he seemed like a grumpy, crochety, out-of-touch, bitter old grandfather, completely oblivious to things going on in the real world, depending on a silly voice and a past reputation to get laffs. I was incredibly disappointed. Even Ray Romano, droning on about his big Italian family, wasn’t so lame.
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Carrot Top is not now, nor has he ever been, funny. The only prop comic I’ve ever seen who didn’t suck was Joel Hodgson (yes, MST3K). Try to catch him on old eps of SNL (he appeared 4 times)
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Tom Green was like the guy in high school you almost felt sorry for. You weren’t sure if he had a learning disorder or was just an idiot.
As for “old school” comedians:
Frank Gorshin. He’s currently getting rave reviews as Geoge Burns on Broadway, but if you’ve ever seen him on Carson or Ed Sullivan, you’ll wanna take a bazooka to your TV.
Norm Crosby. Kittens on fire are funnier.
Oof, Lou, that’s like judging the Rolling Stones by their latest record. Get a hold of the Cos’ earlier recordings, like Wonderfulness, Why is There Air? and To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With. There’s honest-to-goodness genius there.
Another nod towards the old-time radio comedians; ever endure an Abbott and Costello Show?
Abbott: STRAIGHT LINE?
Costello: PUNCH LINE!
Abbott: STRAIGHT LINE?
Costello: PUNCH LINE!
Abbott: STRAIGHT LINE?
Costello: PUNCH LINE!
Repeat for 30 minutes.
Yeah, don’t knock The Cos. His early records can still put you in stitches.
My nomintion is Jo Brand, a British “TV personality.” She speaks in a flat monotone, as if she were doing the traffic report. She has one joke (“Men are pigs”), which she signally fails to draw laughs from. She has the comic timing of a dead rabbit, except that the dead rabbit might get it right once in a while.
How this woman managed to get several of her stand-up concerts and “comedy specials” on the BBC is unfathomable. I tried to watch one and it was painful, painful to watch. On the bright side, Harry Enfield and Chums once did a brutally funny parody of her–probably the only time Jo Brand has ever elicited a laugh.
The all time, absolutely worse performance by a “Comic” in television history is Bill Dana appearing on the Mike Douglas show after his Jose Jimenez character had to be retired. Absolutely painful. Flop sweat would have been a blessing. He finally caved in a did a little Jose in order to wring out some applause so he could close his “act”.
Garafolo was quite funny when she was sober. Unfortunately, a lot of the tapes being replayed on TV are when she was drinking. But still 2 levels above most people. She’s still trying to rebuild things after drying up.
The Cos, was and is a genius. When your fellow comedians admire you, you’re gold. They don’t respect prop comics. Go watch Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedian”.
Adam Sandler. My God - all he does is that “Abby dooby doo” baby-talk voice. In what universe is that considered funny?
I agree with the ones I know from here other than Black, Garofalo and Cho. (Yeah, Lewis Black just yells about stupid shit. He does it entertainingly, and it’s not like we never indulge in that either.) And actually, annoying as Gilbert Gottfriend used to be, I’ve softened on him a bit because I’ve heard him make jokes a few times and be funny.
I couldn’t agree more about a lot of them, actually. Sandler sucks. And he’s dead, but Chris Farley wasn’t funny either in my opinion. Colin Quinn isn’t just unfunny, he’s messed up. I usually see the first sentence or two of his show after The Daily Show. On the rare occasions that sentence is coherent, it’s pretty stupid.
Alan Cumming is the MC… of a new show on Comedy Central. I like him as an actor, but he wasn’t too funny in the first episode of Out on the Edge. He spent his first monologue talking about his uncircumcized penis. Thanks, Alan. Can’t wait to see you as Nightcrawler again. This won’t distract me at all. 
David Allen Grier: Something about this guy just bugs the hell out of me. Probably his voice, coupled with me not thinking he’s funny
Christ Kattan: Ugh. I’d rather bang my head against the wall than watch one of his lame “incoherent man” sketches on the SNL reruns. At least with banging my head against a wall I’ll gain a stronger tolerance towards pysical pain.
Andy Dick: I’m shocked that this guy can still be seen on tv. I have NEVER seen anyone laugh at this guy and his “wacky” antics. He’s loud and obnoxious.
On the other hand, we still have Steve Wright. I saw him in concert a few weeks ago and he was great. Many people in the audience (including me and my mum) gave him a standing ovation once the show was over. Also, we had the best seats in the house without a doubt. 5 rows from the stage, right in the middle. Good times 
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This far into the thread and nobody has mentioned Sam Kinnison?
Maybe it is one of those Post Traumatic Stress Disorder things where you retain no concious memory of the trauma that caused the condition.
There were times you expected his keepers to come onstage and tranc him.
It’s hard to be funny when only every third word or so is inteligable.
Oh and kunilou, if you were thinking of Gracie Allen here:
then you are gonna have to step outside cause thems fightin’ words.
Judy whats-her-face with the accordian. She’s not funny and her voice is on par with Gilbert Gottfried.
I can’t believe no ones listed Eddie Murphy yet, That guy is one of the most obnoxious persons I’ve ever seen in my life…and to think that guy is a millionaire
At least Eddie Murphy USED to be funny.
“Old School” comics who were annoying:
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Red Buttons- particularly in his appearances on the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts. The minute he’d take the mike, I started wishing for a baseball bat.
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Nipsey Russell- was this guy funny even once? Ever?
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Phyllis Diller- need I say more?
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Charles Nelson Reilly- more of a comic actor, than a comedian, but his whole schtick was to play the same “Claymore Gregg” character from “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” sit-com in everything he ever appeared in…and that character was the comedy equivalent of rolling naked in fiberglass insulation. Wait, his appearance on “The X-Files” was the one decent performance he ever turned in.
RE: Sam Kinison. Watch what you say about Sam. He was the voice of my generation.
If the thread mentions Jerry Lewis it must also include Adam Sandler. I showed my teenage sons a Jerry Lewis video and they lost interest in Sandler (“What a ripoff” - tip for parents).
Apologies blowero, that voice is from the Jerryverse.
WEEEELLLLLL…
You don’t have to call me Ray,
You can call me Ray J.
Or you can call me Ray Johnson,
or you can call me Ray J. Johnson Jr.
or you can call me Raymond Jay Johnson Jr.
or you can just hit me with a 2x4.
Someone tell me how a T.V. executive would ever green-light his appearance on any program.
Another reason to delete the 1970’s.
For British television the answer is so obvious I don’t even need to say it. But for the record: Jim Davidson.
Personal peave: yer man from Bo Selecta.
Jo Brand. She makes me want to slit my eyeballs with razors.
Joe Penner was certainly one I thought of, but there were so many.
Degrance, Gracie was unique. Her partnership with George not only gave her great writers that allowed her logic to take on a world of its own, but a hell of a straightman, who knew exactly when and how to start reeling her in. Jane Ace played essentially the same function, but was a step down from Gracie. I was thinking more of someone like Marie Wilson.
Actually, for bad examples, you could probably take the entire supporting cast of the Fred Allen show and everyone out of the Jack Benny show (except for Eddie Anderson/Rochester) and get them away from the writers they enjoyed on those two programs.
Spealing of Jerry Lewis, someone needs to go dig up that thread where someone admitted they’d spent their whole life thinking Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis were the same person. It’s hilarious.
“Goodness gracious, GREAT balls of HEY LADY!”