I’ve tried them all, and own most in my Yuppie quest to stay fit and fight the paunch.
I laugh at lifecycles (got one)
treadmills bore me. (got one)
Rowing machines suck. (got one of those too)
Those nordic track elliptical thingamadoobies remind of lifecycles or inferior treadmills. (don’t got one don’t want one)
Stairmasters are also inferior treadmills.
Between all these machines my wife and I have managed to stay fit.
But, last year she had a baby.
Afterwards she felt something drastic was needed to bring her back into shape. A total body workout was recquired, and one that could be completed in a short period of time.
After a great deal of research my wife found what she beleived to be the ultimate cardio machine. I being the sucker that I am ordered the thing. There was a waiting list.
Well, it finally arrived. The Versaclimber.
This is the most evil device known to man. You can check it out at www.versaclimber.com
I’ve run a marathon, but 20 minutes on that thing left me gasping like a fish, and sore for days (but my ass seems to be firming up.)
This thing is used by NASA to keep astronauts in shape.
I hereby declare the Versaclimber the ultimate cardiovascuilar torture device. Anybody care to agree, or argue?
The ultimate cardiovascular torture device was the cardiac-targetting nanoprobes that Dr. Soran used on Geordi LaForge in the Star Trek: Generations script. (The scene was cut out of the movie, probably because it would have been too disturbing to those parents who still insist that Star Trek is a kiddie show.) Dr. Soran would press a button on his console, and Geordi would instantly, if temporarily, go into cardiac arrest. Soran was using this device to try to get our illustrious Chief-Engineer-with-a-banana-clip-over-his-eyes to spill the beans about the Enterprise’s mission, shield frequency, etc…
I thought I had worked out hard before with various machines, free-weights, jogging, etc. Hockey is still, by far, the most intensive cardio workout I’ve ever encountered. I play 3 times a week now!
That’s assuming of course you don’t mind new UHBs (Unidentifiable Hockey Bruises) after every game!
Well, I guess someone has to. If you’re bored by treadmills, a versaclimber will render you catatonic. With all the other devices you’ve mentioned, you can at least put on the t.v. or read or do something else while you work out. The versaclimber positions you in such a way that your face is about six inches from the main rail, so that’s all there is to look at. And the range of motion (reaching up overhead) is not conducive to looking to either side for any length of time.
The workout you get from a v.c. is ok. Maybe my gym had a barebones model, but I don’t recall that there was any way of adjusting the resistance on it. The only adjustability on it was moving the handgrips to adjust the lentgh of your reach. Like all exercise machines that link arm and leg movements, it was easy to shunt most of the effort you put in to one set of muscles, thus giving you an uneven workout.
Sorry, bub. I rank the v.c. just above the stairmaster in terms of utility. Here’s my list in order of decresing utility:
Treadmill
Rower
Elliptical machine
Versaclimber
Stairmaster
Lifecycle
Lying on the couch watching t.v.
I’ve never used a cross-country ski machine, so I can’t speak to that, but I’d assume it’s on par or slightly below an elliptical machine.
Like you, I find exercising extremely boring. What about those machines that stimulate muscle motion by electrical pulses? Sounds like the ideal way to lose weight-just plug in and read a novel, while your muscles get zapped-do these things work?
Just a note: If it is that strenuous of a workout, it may not be doing all the good you want it to. Personally, I hate all those machines and really feel like a gerbil on any of them. I’ve been cycling for a few years now and it’s doing wonders not only for my physical state, but my mental state as well. One of my “trainers” told me that you should be able to carry on light conversation while you workout if you are in “the zone” for the best cardio workout. If you are huffing and puffing hard, you are probably working too hard.
“So, for once in my life, let me get what I want.
Lord knows, it would be the first time.”
Actaully I find it easier to watch TV on th eVersaclimber. You honly have to turn your head a little bit.
The treadmill gives you a clear field of vision but tends to be very loud, while the climber is quiet.
While it’s true that you can isolate one muscle group on the Versaclimber, it’s tough to sustain it for long without switching.
I climb on the balls of my feet for a while, then move the feet in and work the quads. I switch my grip, and sometimes rely more on the arms to give the legs a rest. After twenty minutes I’ve exhausted everything.
According to the Versaclimber instruction booklet which came with the climber, you don’t adjust the resistance, because it comes “preset at the optimum resistance level.” Like a rowing machine, you increase resistance by going faster.
The elliptical machines don’t provide a good workout in my opinion, as it takes an inordinate time to work up a sweat whereas the Versaclimber makes you ache immediately.
The rowing machine gives a good workout but can be hard on the ass, and can hurt your back.
12 ounce curls provide my favorite workout, but it’s these that seem to necessitate the Versaclimber.
Well, I like the elliptical machines. I work out at a gym, which mean I am probably using a machine that a normal earthling could not afford for their own home. The one I like most has no arm workout feature, its only legs.
I cannnot explain why I like it. At the higher resistance settings, it is just as strenuous and evil as a stairmaster or any other device I’ve used in my masochistic travels (I run for 30 minutes at the highest elevation, I vary resistance according to what weights I’ve lifted that day and my general tolerance). I hesitate to use the word ‘fun’ in description of my machine, but when they are all in use and I have to use a different type - well, the workout doesn’t go as smooth, it seems to take longer, and as soon as one of the ellipticals opens up I jump on it.
I just get into a zone on them…I don’t watch TV or music or anything, I pretty well just daydream. I can’t do it with bikes, treadmills, or other machines…maybe its just a lack of practice. In any event, I don’t think I’d be able to stick with it so well without my zone. Of course, that is my thing. Your device looks like a good workout.
Maybe now. The one I used to use in 1995 didn’t seem to fit my frame very well. The range of motion on it was so incompatable with my physiology that I wound up thunking one pedal on the bottom stop at the end of every stride. Also, the traveling rails were not the quietest thing in the world, but I suppose the versions for home and/or modern models may be quieter. I’ll agree that they are definitely quieter than a treadmill, though.
I love that: “preset at the optimum resistance level.” It’s so deliciously vague. “Optimum” for who? Anyway, thinking back on it, I seem to remember that the one I used at the gym had a small knob on the console that may have offered a little bit of variable resistance. Back then, they must’ve still had their eggheads working on figuring out a universally optimum resistance level.
Having just tried a second model of one of these, I have to say that they are very much hit and miss. LifeFitness makes a “Cross Trainer” that works very well. At a medium resistance level and about 70 rpms, I can work up a full sweat in the same amount of time that I would on a treadmill, and if the calorimeter is to be believed, I get roughly an identical workout to an extended 8 mph run.
On the other hand, my gym just got several new ellipticals in, and they’re designed in such a way that I can’t stand being on them at all. For taller people (or those with high leg:body-length ratios), machines like that with a fixed range of motion can be a huge curse. It’s a little like going jogging in a tight skirt. But on a good elliptical, you can definitely get a mighty fine workout.
Never had the ass problem, but I gave up rowers in the long run because they hurt my back. Unless you learn proper form when you’re starting out on the machine, you can easily develop bad habits that make anything more than 30 minutes on it unbearable.
Actually, I have to say the best 2 workouts I’ve ever had were (in decreasing order):
Kickboxing training (the real thing, not tae bo) – 2 minute rounds going full-blast, no dancing around avoiding each other, with 1 minute rest between, for 15 minutes at a time. OUCH.
Riding a bike to work. I live about 10 miles from work, so 20 miles every day really makes a difference.
Ok, I stand corrected. It can be quite strenuous if you find the right partner. I remember this one girl… hehe, sorry. Ahem…anyway, good exercise.
Joe Cool
How will I laugh tomorrow,
When I can’t even smile today?
When I go to hell, it will be just me and the Stairmaster. Level 6. 1 minute left. To perpetuity.
I enjoy the treadmill, but can’t afford a really good one to use at home (I need a sturdy and WIDE running platform!). I really like the EFX machines, but don’t feel like I’m getting as good a workout as the treadmill, despite what the calorie counter says. It lies. There’s no way I burn up 450 calories doing that thing.
My next favorite is the recumbent bikes. Rowing machines? Blah.
The funniest are the cross country skiing type thing. I got on it ONCE, to the amusement of all the other people in the room.
As far as rampant sex goes, I wish! I’ve got kids and I don’t have the extra cash to put in their therapy fund.
