A day at the gym

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m at the gym yesterday. I get on the stationary bike for about 15 minutes. Now, I want to get on one of the treadmills to do a little running.

(aside: I WOULD like to run on a track but I’ve had knee surgery and the treadmill is 8 billion times easier on my knee than a track is).

So, like a good gym boy, I sign up for the treadmill list and get back on the bike.

The cardio room is pretty packed. All the treadmills have been taken for 30 minutes. It’s OBVIOUS there’s a list.

So, here’s a few things:

  1. If there’s a list, people are limited to 20 minutes on cardio equipment. Well, about 20 minutes goes by without anyone getting off a treadmill. Does the dummy working in the cardio room have ANY notion whatsoever about this? No. Why? Because I’m sure this was her job description by the rest of her buddies who work there, “oh, you don’t have to do anything, Just pick up new towels whenever you feel like it. Other than that, you can just sit there and study.”

  2. A treadmill opens up. Great. I grab the “spray” to wipe down my bike, turn around and some woman is getting on the open treadmill. Well, I have my cycling shoes on, haven’t cleaned the bike, the “help” is in la la land. By the time I get to the treadmill, she’s going to be at least 2 minutes into it. So, I say, fuck it. I’ll get the next one.

  3. Another opens up. I get off the bike, and just wipe it down with my towel. I’m right near the desk and I hear this guy say to the “help”, “that treadmill just opened, can I take it?” The “help” is like, “uh, yeah, I guess so.” So I had to pipe in, “I think there’s a list, and I think I’m next.” So, I grab my running shoes, which I had put behind the bike, start to head to the treadmill and a woman gets on it.

I told her, “I think I’m next.”

Her reaction: “oh, is there a list?”

Yes, there’s a fucking list. Every treadmill has been taken for a half hour. There are people standing around staring at the treadmills. The gym is packed. Of fucking course there’s a fucking list. There’s 5 people on the list. So, you’re either a moron or you’re just selfish. Take your pick.

So,

Fuck you you selfish treadmill sniping mother fuckers.

Fuck you you worthless help desk mousey motherfuckers who don’t want to pay a bit of attention to your job and don’t want to actually tell people “no, you can’t get on the treadmill” and don’t want to go around to people who have been taking up the equipment for more than 20 minutes and tell them to vacate.

And, fuck you to people who STAY on the treadmills for longer than they’re supposed when they know god damn well there’s a list. If we all followed the rules in the gym, it would be a lot nicer.

And, fuck you to people who WALK on treadmills. Some of us need them, and actually are trying to get our heart rates above 65. There’s an indoor track. Go walk there.

And, fuck you to “men” on ellipticals. That shit is gay – 80’s style. Have you noticed yet that every other person on those things has chicken legs?

And, fuck you to that guy playing hoops who had a charge called against him. Hey dude, NOBODY wants to call charges in a pick-up game. That doesn’t mean you take advantage of it by lowering your shoulder and going full-on snowplow through the lane. “a charge? oh, ok. . . that’s how it is, huh? I see how it is.”

Finally, fuck you to the earth’s axis which has now created such a short-ass day that I get home in the dark and can’t ride my bike after work.

2

I was with you up to here but you lost me at this point. Why are you for telling people how to exercise? Let people do what they want without trying to belittle them (and the “gay” crack makes you look like a knuckledragger). It’s a gym, they’re there to exercise, get over yourself. If you want your own treadmill all the time they buy one.

3

I don’t get it. The woman asked you if there is a list. When you told her that there was one, did she graciously give way and put herself in the queue? It seems what really upsets you is that you had to speak up for yourself because no one else would. It’s a shame, but that’s life. I don’t know how obvious this list was, but I think it’s only polite to assume she hadn’t seen it, and that pointing it out is a courtesy – it doesn’t need to be confrontational.

4

And a “fuck you” right back at you, sparky. The ellipticals are great machines. They’re very easy on my knees and ankles. I can work my heart up to a good rate (the 140-150 range). I can read while I do my cardio, something I can’t do on a treadmill. I’ve dropped 30 pounds since March doing them 3 times a week for 30-45 minutes at a time. And I do my cardio at 9:00 at night, so I’m not taking up a machine for longer than I’m “supposed to.”

So fuck you for that gross generalization.

And I so don’t have “chicken legs”. But then again, I do heavy resistance training in addition to my cardio, so I guess that doesn’t apply to me.

5

I’m gonna be lazy and skip the search button, but I think this may be the first pitting of the earth’s axis on the SDMB.

Congrat’s Trunk. Hope you get to ride your bike soon.

6

WaverlyIt’s a small room. EVERYONE knows there’s a list. If people were polite, there shouldn’t have to be ANY confrontation whatsover. She was DEFINITELY sniping a treadmill.

I tell people how to exercise because I’m the Man. That elliptical shit is fuckin’ gay.

There are two things that aren’t: treadmill and stationary. Maybe the rowing machine.

7

Criminy, why does this never come up at the Gay Agenda meetings! Here I’ve been bustin’ my ass lifting weights and doing the treadmill and the stationary bike, and I’m supposed to be on the elliptical machine. Damn!

8

The elliptical machine is gay, but you wear different shoes for the stationary bike and the treadmill? Uhmmm…

9

You didn’t get the memo, “Elliptical machine: Two snaps up. . .in a Z-formation.”

80’s style, dudes.

10

Pretty little tight biking shoes, Italian-made, with shiny parts, leather, and velcro straps.

I don’t, however, shave my legs or wear spandex.

11

Is the elliptical that weird shit where people look like they’re “backpedaling” at a million miles an hour?

I tried one of those and after 15 minutes it kicked my ass. I think it’s because you never straighten your legs.

12

You know, a REAL MAN would get his nuts up and go run the track, despite any sort of injury and risk of damage.

I guess you girly men with your special shoes and whiney “list etiquette” bitching are just messing it up for the rest of us.

Good grief. I’m stunned by the amount of whining here.

You complain that you can’t hit the track because of some sort of injury, and then whine about the men who don’t do things the exact same way you do.

13

Did she make way without complaining or not? I don’t buy the idea that each and every person in that room was aware of the list. If she gave way, it’s a moot point anyway. What kind of trauma did she put you through? You had to utter a one word sentence to another human being?

EVERYONE knows that elliptical machines are bisexual. It’s a hybrid of the masculine and feminine – cycling and stairstepping.

14

Well, it’s not me I’m that worried about. Obviously, I said something to her and she got off it. I’m sure that there are others in the gym who wouldn’t have said anything and snipey gets the treadmill.

FWIW, there’s one small desk in the room. It’s got a sign-up sheet for treadmills, bikes, rowers, ellipticals, ellipticals with handles, and stairmasters. It’s between the complimentary towels and the spray bottles. There are signs up in the room.

EVERYONE in the cardio room knows there’s a list. She didn’t mean, “oh is there a physical list?” She meant “oh is there a waiting list?”

I don’t give a shit if you buy it or not. She was a treadmill sniping bitch.

15

Fuck you. And fuck you again. And fuck you a third time. You homophobic dirt bag. What equipment do you think the male human beings who use the elliptical machines should be using? The treadmills? I’ll leave those to the thundering neanderthals who want shin splints. Like you. You fuck you. You want more people to use the treadmills? That makes sense, since you just went on and on about how there’s too many people using the treadmills as it is. Or should we all just stay home so you can have the gym to yourself? Knee surgery? I think they removed too much brain tissue during that procedure.

:wally

16

I want them to remove the ellipticals and put in treadmills.

Don’t worry though, the ellipticals will be gone when the next fad exercise equipment comes down the pike, the next thing they can invent to sell to people who will do anything to avoid actually running.

17

Dude, I’ve never been in one of those gyms but even I know that the only reason a stationary bicycle isn’t “gay,” as you so graciously described it, is because it is totally geriatric and everybody knows gay guys only do what’s hip, happenin’, and Now. :rolleyes:

18

I don’t get it. There’s just one list for “next available treadmill?” That’s so stupid.

At my old gym, there was a signup sheet with a column for each machine. If I signed up for Treadmill 6 at 9:00, and someone was still on it, I’d just go up to them and say, “Hi, I’m signed up for this machine at 9:00,” and people were usually embarrassed and got off immediately, or had 30 seconds left in their workout and finished up while I waited. Not a big problem.

As for walking on the treadmill, I walk on it at grades from 8 to 12%, and my heart rate gets to about 160. So you can kiss my walking ass. :wink:

19

Buying a helmet and a light is too difficult? I think your fellow gym-goers would be better off if you did…

20

No shit it’s stupid.

It’s LESS stupid if the monitors actually did their job, which involves the oh so difficult task of paying attention to when a piece of equipment opens up and then calling the name of the next person on the list.

It’s even less stupid if people didn’t snipe.

I have a helmet and a light. You can’t ride like I ride where I ride at the times I ride with just a helmet and light. You’ll die.

I’d rather ellip on the elliptical.

Besides, I’M NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM AT THE GYM. The gym would be better off without the people who snipe equipment.

What do you think I’m doing, walking around calling people gay for being on the elliptical. This is the fuckin’ pit, Pow, not real life.