This is a GYM, dammit!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I think this has probably been mentioned before. I spend a good deal of time in fitness centers because of my job. Yesterday must’ve been Hell Night for me during my workout or it might’ve been the Night Of The Living Dead Special at the gym, bring a zombie friend for one free session.

Specifically:

– The towel you are required to have is not a neck accessory. It is not there to indicate to others of your active and vibrant lifestyle. IT IS USED TO WIPE YOUR SWEAT, JUICES, SPOOJE, OR YOUR OTHER BODY LIQUIDS OR SEMI-LIQUIDS FROM THE GYM EQUIPMENT!! USE IT, DOG-BOY!!

– Clustering around, and hogging, one piece of gym equipment for the sole purpose of group discussion on the latest interest hike of the Fed might be interesting in some other locale, BUT NOT HERE!!! Use the freakin’ equipment or find a vacant spot on Washington Week In Review or Crossfire to solve the world’s financial dilemmas.

– Yes the Nautilus seats and benches are padded and very comfortable. Please do your passing out or hyperventilation exercises in the parking lot, thank you.

– (This is one good reason to always bring your own water)
I know you just ran the Boston Marathon on the treadmill or climed Mount Everest on the Stairmaster. This does not give you the right to noisily French-kiss the water fountain in an effort to drain the city reservoir dry! Trust me, there’s plenty of water for everyone.

– No, dickhead, we all weren’t waiting patiently for you to arrive and decide what channel on the TV to watch. I’m sorry that we are all not fans of the fuckin’ Weather Channel. ASK EVERYBODY FIRST!!!

– Last rant before I pop a top on this beer. I put up with them in traffic, restaurants, movies, etc. LONG, LOUD CELL PHONE CONVERSATIONS IN THE GYM??!! WHAT THE FUCK?? ARRRGGGGHHH!!!

Beer is cold, rant over, life is good… :smiley:

2

and wrap a fucking towel around your waist before you start shaving after your shower. there happen to be heterosexuals here who would like to take a piss without having to walk past your hairy, flabby, guy ass. why even take a shower if you’re going to be that offensive anyway.

3

Amen, brother. My personal pet peeve is too many good looking women in skimpy outfits at a club who are obviously there to be checked out. I’m not gay and I have nothing against women working out, but I go to a weight room to lift weights, not to show off or check out someone else who is showing off. My perfect gym would have no women or a few ugly women, who provide no distraction whatsoever. I’m a big fan of women-only gyms. Let them all go there.

4

I work out at school. We have limited equipment, so the gym gets pretty crowded during lunch and around 5 pm. During these times, there are always - ALWAYS - a couple of gymbitches who feel they must get in their entire 90 minute workout on the exercise machines, despite the fact that there are about 10 people waiting. Because there is a 20 minute limit during these rush times, these self-centered narcissistic exercise-addicted fucks cover their machines with a towel so no one can see their elapsed time. And they’re always female, and cute, so the male gym staff do nothing about it.

5

Lizard—you baffle me. I enjoy looking at attractive men while working out. In fact, it’s the only thing that keeps me at the damn gym for more than 30 minutes at a shot.

No, I do not dress like Cher at the gym—I wear tights, sneakers and a long, baggy T-shirt. Now, 20 years ago, yeah, I dressed like Cher . . . Maybe more “Flashdance,” with the whole leg-warmer look. Hey, it WAS the '80s!

6

The walls at my gym are like a fucking bunker and you can’t get a signal on a cell phone there. It’s brilliant, not only can I avoid the phone for an hour, but I don’t have to listen to a bunch of self-important assholes yammer away on theirs.

Also, I love having a little eye-candy at the gym when I work out. In fact, it’s the only reason I do aerobics.
“Basic right, thats right feel the burn, basic left come on now grapevine!” It’s totally bearable when there are a few pair of aerobicised buns moving back and forth in front of you.

7

There are two ladies that come into the gym at my apartment complex to just sit there, talk, and watch other people work out. They always take up benches and machines to conduct their little chit chat sessions.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, they bring a small child in a stroller with them. The child quickly becomes bored and fusses loudly until he’s allowed to run around the gym. This is obviously not safe! The other day, the kid unscrewed one of the knobs from the machines and almost choked on it.
Ok, so they don’t want to sit at home all day, I can understand that. The clubhouse features a lovely room with nice couches where people can sit and talk, as well as a game room with tables and cable television. The gym is for working out!

8

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I truly enjoy looking at attractive women. If I saw you or, say, SeaDiver (;)) I would definitely sneek a peek. But I take my workouts seriously, and I am annoyed by people who obviously don’t. Why? Because they are using equipment and space that are meant for exercising, not to exercise, but to gratify their ego. Admittedly, I don’t see a LOT of such women, but every gym has a one or two. And there are some guys too. You know them-they’re the ones who spend more time flexing and looking at themselves in the mirror than they do actually working out. Maybe you like they’re body, but don’t tell me you wouldn’t be turned off by such egotism.

9

Lizard, we have one of those guys at our gym, too. He spends more time telling other people what they are doing wrong than actually working out. When I was going to the gym with my knee bandaged (drunken incident while on vacation), he gave me all kinds of unsolicited advice that was the exact opposite of what my doctor told me to do. Shut up and get back on your own machine, boy!

Oh, and thanks for the compliment, Lizard!

10

My personal pet peeve is that we don’t have ENOUGH of those.
Most “manly men” feel the same, “bro”. :smiley:

[Edited by Lynn Bodoni on 08-19-2000 at 08:17 AM]

11

Why the FUCK do people come to the gym to do a lazy workout?

It seems the people using the machine I want are always doing some halfbaked/halfassed attempt at “woking out.”

I can put up with waiting for a machine when someone is actually using it properly and doing something productive. But when they are fooling themselves with a 5 mile an hour “run” it pisses me off. Or walking for 45 minutes? WTF! Just go outside if you want to walk.

Just get off and let me use the fucking machine properly dammit! You are not really getting in shape by slowly fucking around on a machine.

At least these people are usually too lazy to use any of the weights I need.

That feels better. :slight_smile:

12

Yeah, that cell phone shit is fucking stupid. This one guy was on the treadmill running next to me, his cell phone rang, and there he was, talking on the phone mid-run, huffing and puffing away.

And I gotta agree with Utopia on those fuckers who psuedo run on the treadmills for half an hour, sometimes more. Power walking, I think it’s called. Come on, who the fuck are you trying to fool?

13

And here I thought you had a rant about a Gay Yiddish Male. oh well.

14

I used to work out religiously in a co-ed gym, I never minded the female members but my ex hated them.

I used to get really annoyed at those narcissistic steroid addicts and their fucking attitude.

I came up to the inclined leg press one evening and a couple of these neanderthals were there with only one of the guys working out. I asked if I could rotate in and the one guy says “sure” and with a sarcastic smile and tone asked “should I take some of the weight off for you?”. His friend looked at me and chuckled.

I told him that I usually warmed up with 400 pounds and he asked if I was kidding him. This is what he had on the machine when I got there and he was making it look like hard work. I was thinking “what a fucking wuss” as my wife could easily press 300 pounds.

You have to understand that at the time I weighed 135 pounds soaking wet. This guy pissed me off so much he inspired me to go on to set a new press record of 800 pounds. This was nearly 6 times my weight.

Amazing what one can do when they are pissed off huh?

15

Well, let’s see. When I belonged to a gym, I got off work at 6 or 7. The area around my place is NOT safe for a woman to walk alone at night. I can’t run due to asthma and arthritis. So yes, I walked on the treadmill. Deal with it.

Jesus…I bet you’re the same assholes who tell me I’m too fat to be working out. Whatever.

16

Gee,didn’t ya know you had to be in perfect shape to join a gym?? :rolleyes:

17

Damn… I agree with Eve, except substitute “attractive women” for “attractive men” in her sentence.

Unless you’re some sort of slack-jawed gawker, having cute women around doesn’t hinder anyone from working out, and working out hard. I like it because they give me something else to look at between sets besides my workout buddy.

18

Umm, wouldn’t this be a world record?!

19

I have two.

  1. The people who rest between sets on the machine. If you’re going to sit on that for 10 minutes let me hop on numbnuts.

  2. Idiots who exercise violently. Jerking the seated row as hard as you can will probably hurt you and it will definitely break the damn cord. Don’t frickin’ do it.

20

Absolutely not. Virtually no one is “too fat” to work out. But at least work out. A pseudo-run/walk does very little to improve your cardiovascular health. Some people are fat, but that’s not an excuse for a workout that’s bake lethargy. A hard 10 minute run burns the amount of calories as a 45 minute walk. I’m pissed off when I have to wait for people removing all the work from working out.

Do something productive! Stop wasting my time and your time!