Actual gym rants!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Inspired by this thread, but I didn’t want to cut into what is emerging as an excellent “You’re a homo- no, YOU’RE a homo” slugfest, so I’ll take this to my own thread.
While not buying into most of Trunk’s rant, I am going to go with him/her/it on the “What the fuck are you doing WALKING on the treadmill?”

If there’s a track in the gym, you are just as well served walking on that as you are on the treadmill. Any difference in resistance isn’t going to make that much of a difference, as you are not striking the surface with that much force.

People who run on treadmills are generally running there because it’s too cold outside or too dangerous where they live, or because of some other circumstance or combination of circumstances that make it impossible to get up to speed outdoors. Even running at a good clip on an indoor track is next-to-impossible because of the multitude of slower people. If you’re already moving slowly, it’s not too big a hassle to go around others movuing at a different degree of slowness. But someone who’s moving quickly and has to speed up/slow/down/change direction is getting an inconsistent workout becuase of this.

Treadmills are, for the most part, there for the use of people who need an isolated/secure space to get up to and maintain significant speed for a decent amount of time. So I understand someone’s frustration at wanting to get 45 minutes of hard cardio work in and being stuck behind the all-but-sedentary lump who’s moving at three strides per minute with his copy of “House and Garden.”

And yes, I am well aware of the fact that your money is as good as mine and your fee entitles you to use whatever equipment you like, same as me. But the common-sense knowledge that you are wasting limited resources and copping a 'tude about it entitle me to disrespect you.
And, as long as we’re ranting about the gym, allow me to add my pet peeves:

  1. You: early-teen boy doing one rep of everything and leaving the weights all over the place: buy a book or a workout plan and do it. Or ask for help. Or leave. But for the love of God, pick up after yourself.

  2. If you’re a girl and complaining about all the ogling going on, wear workout-appropriate garb and not a $200.00 baby-tee and designer shorts with the waistband rolled up so the bottom of your ass hangs out. Or stop complaining.

  3. If you’re a recently-divorced and significantly-overweight woman, wear workout-appropriate garb and not a $200.00 baby-tee and designer shorts with the waistband rolled up so the bottom of your ass hangs out. PLEASE.

  4. Walking in the gym door does not burn 2000 calories. You actually have to work. So if all you do is show up at the gym after dropping the kids at school, drink your Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and gab with the other three who just did the same, don’t wonder why you’re still fat after six months of this.

4a. Walking in the gym door does not make you huge either. You actually have to lift stuff. If you’re from peeve #1, don’t quit after three months because you’re still a twig. Buy a book or a workout plan or ask for help.

  1. Hey, idiots in front of the water fountain- don’t give me a dirty look if I brush against you while on my way past your little gossip group. One, I’m coming from the squat cage and therefore I don’t have complete control over my legs (I’m doing work, remember?). Two, you’re standing right underneath the sign that says not to stand there. And the sign is there so that people like me aren’t impeded by people like you. That’s right, kids, ME impeded by YOU. Not the other way around.

  2. The mirrors are there so that those of us who are working can make sure we’re isolating the muscles we want to isolate and not accidentally throwing out our backs or unevenly distributing the weight or doing other things that can hurt us, not for vanity. So yes, you are getting a dirty look for walking in between me and the mirror, but no, it’s not because my admiration of my hugeness was interrupted. And I purposefully and politely left enough space BEHIND me to allow free flow of traffic. Use that.

6a. I know you’re working on your body, and I am even willing to assume that you’re huge/cut/stacked/ripped/whatever enough to compete. That’s why there’s a separate room for practicing poses, complete with mirrors, diagrams and enough pictures of past Mr. Olympias to get you started. So practice in there. Any girl who would be impressed by what you’re doing in the middle of the workout floor will likely be at Fatso Fogarty’s on Thursday night. So go practice in the pose room and save the showmanship aspect for then.

6c. Dude, I know you’re impressing the hell out of yourself with those 115-pound “reverse-curls” you’re doing. But… do you ever stop to wonder why it’s your BACK that hurts like hell afterward? Drop the weight, do 'em right, and you’ll get much bigger arms than you think you have right now.

  1. All you get from sit-ups are rock-hard abs UNDERNEATH that beer gut. Food-management and cardio, genius. Look into them.
    (for the record, I’m not a bodybuilder, I’m a 5’9", 165-pound martial artist)
    Did I miss any?
2

I’ll take The Primary Reasons UrbanChic Stopped Going to the Gym for 200, please.

3

What a great list. I can’t think of anything to add at the moment.

However, I will say, as to #7 … I resemble that remark. Sigh. But I’m working on it, honest!

4

I’ve never been to a gym that didn’t provide paper towels and some sort of cleaner to use after you’ve done your thing.

Please, wipe down the equipment and remove your sweat.

Thank you.

5

But surely you dress better than that, UrbanChic.
:wink:

6

Because my physical therapist told me to in order to avoid knee surgery.

However, in my gym we have enough treadmills that you don’t ordinarily have to wait for one, and we don’t have a track.

7

The music. AAGGH FUCKING GOD THE MUSIC!!! Ashlee Simpson IS NOT FUCKING WORKOUT MUSIC!!! The gym plays Top 40 stations exclusively. When I am trying to squeeze out a fifth MAX-OT rep with 500 pounds on the leg press, it does not help to hear “I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic!” What must a man do to get Rage Against The Machin playing?

As for number one, they serve a purpose. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing the jaw of a 6 ft. fifteen year old drop when I start doing straight bar curls with 95 lbs. (5’4", 140 lbs.)

8

The music. AAGGH FUCKING GOD THE MUSIC!!! Ashlee Simpson IS NOT FUCKING WORKOUT MUSIC!!! The gym plays Top 40 stations exclusively. When I am trying to squeeze out a fifth MAX-OT rep with 500 pounds on the leg press, it does not help to hear “I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic!” What must a man do to get Rage Against The Machine playing?

As for number one, they serve a purpose. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing the jaw of a 6 ft. fifteen year old drop when I start doing straight bar curls with 95 lbs. (5’4", 140 lbs.)

9

Actually, I do notice a difference. I get less shin splints and ankle pain when I use the treadmill. I am walking at a brisk pace, and as I said in the other thread, I’m not up to running yet.

Also, I like being able to see my numbers: heart rate, speed, incline, time spent/remaining, calories burned (yes, I know it’s not accurate, but it gives me a general guide, something to shoot for). The treadmill helps me keep my pace, and it’s a great motivator, one I wouldn’t have just moseying around a track. (Which isn’t available to me, by the way.)

Funny, that’s the same reason I walk on the treadmill.

Hm, that would be me. The speed I maintain is significant for me.

What you see as “all but sedentary” may be a significant step for the person using the equipment. You don’t know why that person is on the machine or what their limitations are.

How exactly does the mere fact of occupying a treadmill indicate that the person is “copping a 'tude”? Somebody’s copping a 'tude here, and it ain’t them. “Using a machine that you want to use” != “wasting limited resources.” You’d have to wait just as long if they were burning up the miles.

In short: Don’t like having to wait? Buy your own damn treadmill. Otherwise, shut your piehole and wait your turn like everybody else.

10

I don’t normally walk on the treadmill, but I would assume it’s because a treadmill has an incline and a track does not. Also, running or walking, treadmills are always easier on your knees (in my experience, anyway).

As for my pet peeves:

  1. Why the fuck are you on your cell phone when you’re on an elliptical trainer, or any other machine for that matter?

  2. I don’t get why the hell some women PUT ON makeup before they work out. Maybe they’re self-conscious, but, really…what the fuck? I always take mine off!

  3. People who yell to encourage themselves as they work out. There’s a lady at the gym I always think of as the “Woo Hoo lady.” She yells these sharp, piping squeaks of “Whoo! Work it, baby!” to herself, but very loudly, every time she runs on the treadmill. It’s great that she’s excited, but she scares the hell out of me every time that sharp, screechy voice pipes up.

  4. People who sit on the damned weight machines even if they’re not using them, or refuse to let you work in a set when they’re not using them. What the fuck is up with that? You’re sitting on the goddamned bench, staring off into space while you wait for your next set. By the time you’re done staring off into space, I’ll be done and long gone. Can I please use the damn bench??

  5. Assholes who leave huge puddles of sweat on machines. Oh, that is so disgusting to have to wipe someone else’s bodily fluid off a machine so I can use it. It is fucking vile.

  6. Jackass men who hit on you or try to talk to you when you’ve a) already told them you’re married and have no single friends, and b) ask you if you’d be interested even if you are married and you’ve said no very adamantly and often. Fuck off already.

  7. Staff who don’t respond at all when you tell them that the asshole in pet peeve 6 won’t stop following you around.

11

When I was using treadmills, I walked (briskly and at a good incline) because running was hard on my knees and I wasn’t in good enough shape to sustain a running pace. Also I found that the treadmill helped me keep consistency in pace that I had difficulty with on a track. I hit my target heart rate and, combined with proper diet and resistance training, I lost 100 pounds.

Is that a good enough reason for me to use the treadmill, asshole? Do I pass your fucking exercise purity test? Go fuck yourself and wait in the queue, just like I waited in queue behind the person in front of me who happened to be jogging. I’m at the gym for my own health and well-being, not to make your little life any more convenient. I’ll sign up for the equipment that I want to use and I’ll use it how I like subject to the rules of the gym, and if that gets your jock in a bunch then you can kiss my formerly wider ass.

12

Jesus fuckin’ Christ. This whole obsession that’s cropped up over the last 5-10 years over disinfecting a weightlifting station after you’ve used it is BULL-FUCKIN’-SHIT. Fuck me backwards! What the HELL did ordinary people at the gym DO back in the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s when there was no WIPEY SOLUTION to run over to when they were done with a lift? It’s all such inane PC crap. I’m waiting to get on a machine or use a bench - some mimby in her little tight bodysuit gets up after slamming all of about 10 ounces of weight, but she still has the energy to QUICKLY run over, get the disinfectant, come running back, and spray down the entire surface in order to eradicate the eboli germs that surely must be squiggling around there. Shit - she didn’t even break a sweat! The minute she gets up, I usually (politely, but firmly) say “don’t bother, no problem”, and I get in there right now and start my work. Most often, I get a look and a smile that says “Good - thanks - I know it’s dumb but everyone does it so I figure I have to.” Fuck that - I NEVER wipe down a machine (and I don’t make a mess either). Don’t like it? Eat shit - YOU wipe the fucker down if you want. I didn’t come to the gym to paddy around with cleaning solution like a goddamn Fab 5 buttnut. I came to fuckin’ lift weights, work as hard as hell, and GET IT THE FUCK OVER, and that means SWEATING a little, you pansy-assed twits.

Goddammit, what next - passing fuckin’ crystals over the machine to bless and honor its energy? Little sanitation papers to lay down on the bench first?

13

You see that second paragraph Otto posted? Huh? There are few topics on this message board that inspire me to call another poster an ass, but you, sir, are of the kind.

Let’s turn that rant around and whine about sanctimonius little shits who think the gym is for their own personal use because their routine is superior. Now, there are some things I don’t deny that I agree with you on. Especially when it comes to rude behavior, not perceived rude behavior…the real thing. Standing in hallways, blocking people, the sweat leaving thing, (eww!) all of these things are pitworthy. Hell, I’d even leave you alone about #3, but I’m here to tell you that you can kiss my ass if you think that there isn’t a reason I walk. I’m in fairly decent shape. I’m pretty strong, so it isn’t that I’m not trying. I CAN get my heartrate up if I walk fast and use the incline feature. As a result, I have pretty well turned calves.

I cannot run or jog. I. HAVE. HUGE. TITS. I would like them to continue to defy gravity. I like it when they don’t have cause to bounce up and down because it’s painful. Even with a sports bra, or TWO, they still move. It’s the dynamic of the thing. Real boobs move.

I’m not even going to go over the numerous reasons some people have to walk on the treadmill that you don’t even see and couldn’t possibly know about unless it was someone you know well. There will be other people in here shortly to take care of that for me, I think. Chalk it up to, “At least they’re moving,” and get on with being pissed about some nuisance that really deserves fighting.

14

Let me reiterate, I walk on the treadmill, and I’m probably pushing myself harder than many of the sticks who are running.

I started at 214 lbs (5’5"), having had a baby and then not exercising consistently for about a year. My personal trainer decided that walking on the treadmill at increasing inclines (something not possible on a track, even if my gym had one) was the best way to really push my cardiovascular fitness while sparing my joints. Generally we get my heart rate up to 160-165 (85% of my max), and keep it there for 1-3 minutes, and do several intervals like that. I’m in so much better shape now it’s unbelievable, and yet I could still push the envelope without running for probably a few months to come.

I guess I’m lucky I go to the gym during non-peak hours, so I don’t take the precious equipment away from the “real” athletes. :rolleyes:

Actually I really like my gym. It’s gorgeous and stuffed with machines and free weights, has good childcare, and a great staff.

As for sweat on machines, I think it’s only fair of me to wipe my crotch sweat off the seat before moving on. Even if it isn’t technically a danger to anyone . . . ew. I do think disinfecting every machine between uses is a bit much, though.

15

What an asinine thing to say. It’s common fucking courtesy not to force someone else to wallow in your bodily fluids after you’ve left the machine. And here’s some news for you - most people sweat when they go to the gym. You’re not the only one there working hard, and just because you’re there working out doesn’t make you or anyone else immune to common courtesy. And just because someone doesn’t want to put his or her face into a puddle of your body fluid when using the fucking hamstring curl doesn’t make anybody a “pansy-ass twit.”

And I’m sure you don’t make a mess. Yeah, fucking right. If you’re sweating nearly as hard as you say you are, you’re making a mess, and being a jackass for not wiping it up, too.

16

I would like to add my favorite, which is a change room thing -

For the love of god, PLEASE do not do your hair and makeup while completely naked.

I am by no means a prude, and have no issue with women who walk from their locker to the shower naked, or back. And obviously you will be naked at some point while dressing and undressing. However - if you are naked for longer than 15 minutes at a time every single time you are at the gym, you really need to stop and ask yourself “is this what the others do? Is my bizarre nudist behaviour possibly creeping the others out?”

17

Awwwww… fired up the reactionaries, did I?
**Scarlett67: ** you are getting all up in arms about two different things. I thought I was pretty clear about my position on the treadmill. If you’re equally served by both treadmill and track, be a little considerate to your fellow goers and use the track. Judging by what you’ve said (brisk speed, shin splints, performance tracking, no running track at your gym), you are not equally served, so I don’t know why you’re taking issue with me. Maybe it’s just to whine. Maybe it’s to defend the fat and the slow. But if you want to turn around and defend the simply sedentary or slow, here’s a physics lesson for you: If you’re striking the surface with NO FORCE, it doesn’t matter what surface you strike, you’re not going to be jarring anything too much. So if you’re not going to do work, or if the work you’re doing doesn’t create enough impact to make a noticeable difference between track and treadmill, then maybe consideration ought to play into your decision on which to use. And maybe this is overstating the obvious, but “speed relative to yourself” isn’t a factor. If the absolute fastest you can go still doesn’t create significant impact, you’re still doing low-impact work, even if the only thing going through your head is “Look at me! I’m the Road Runner!”
**Otto: ** I’ve agreed with you in a few other threads, but if you want to play snarky, we’ll play snarky.

So, let me get this straight. The first thing you say is that you’re not equally served by both the treadmill and the track, so you’re not a target of my rant. But you want to get reactionary and flame me anyway? OK, here we go.

Chief, if you need a machine to show you how to walk at a consistent pace, or to force you to a pace that your own motivation couldn’t keep you at, you’ve got bigger problems than my disapproval.

Good for you. Of course, the money you spent on all those fucking Big Macs could have bought you your own treadmill and a reasonably accurate heart monitor, but, then again, if you hadn’t eaten all those Big Macs, you wouldn’t have needed them in the first place.

If I have to wait in the queue, then I’ll sign right up and wait. I’m not exempt from the rules and never claimed to be. But all your reactionary attitude has earned you is my waiting right behind you practicing my Godzilla imitation, pantomiming a scientist taking seismic readings, and calling the World Wildlife Fund or Greenpeace to send a team to pull you back into the water. And if that pops your gastric bypass stitches, baby, well, you can kiss your own STILL-wide ass.
Jesus fucking Christ. All I’m saying is, if you’re gonna stroll, use the goddamn track. And here come the offenderati (uglerati? distenderati?) looking for blood.

18

booka, I…I…think I love you.

19

Faruiza, where did I say that I believe that the gym is for my own personal use?

As to your own situation: I get it. Huge tits. Can’t run. Black eyes. Need the treadmill. So what you’re saying is, you are not equally served by both. Do I have that right?

So let me get this straight: you’re excluding yourself as a target of my rant, yet castigating me for ranting?
The quality or intensity of my workout compared to somebody else’s is not the issue here. The issue is that the gym is a place to work.
(And I don’t see how you can do anything BUT give me #3. The gym is a place to work, not a place to troll for men in a costume that doesn’t fit you in size, genre, or age-appropriateness.)

20

Shit, dude. Lay off the dianabol.