We just had an assignment to speak about our most embarassing moment in my Oral Interpretation class (kind of a combination of Speech and Interpersonal Communications). It was funny, of course, but also interesting to hear because some people get embarassed by stuff that others think nothing of, while other people are only mildly reddened by telling stories that would have caused less hardy people to sink into a hole in the ground. So I was wondering, what’s YOUR most embarassing moment?
Mine happened this spring. At the time I was friends with a guy named Mike who had just taken out a lease on a late-model Mitsubishi. The passenger door latch was in an awkward position so I tended to do it the Dukes of Hazzard way and climb out of his car by the window.
Well, one day after we came home from playing minigolf up city we were sitting in the Mitsu in my driveway. He was standing outside the car on his side and I was sitting on the window ledge and we were talking over the roof of the car. He says goodbye and gets into the car, and just as I’m swinging my leg out of the car to get down he starts the motor.
Whoops.
I had my hand in the car window to balance myself; he had automatic seatbelts that swing up into place when the key is turned on. My arm got caught in the inexorable slide of the seatbelt and my wrist got a four inch cut across it (I still have a scar). I couldn’t get my hand free and I lost my balance and fell to the ground, screaming, my hand stuck up in the air inside his car window. Mike, instead of turning off the engine or unclipping the seatbelt to get my hand out, jumped out of the car and ran over to stand near me, frantically demanding if I was all right. I was hollering out of pain and frustration – “MIKE, GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THERE AND TURN OFF YOUR CAR” was probably the most printable thing I said during those panicked moments – and my father heard me shouting and came outside in his boxer shorts, ready to beat Mike down for causing his baby girl pain.
We got my arm loose and Mike didn’t get beaten, but I was very embarassed. I don’t climb in and out the windows of cars anymore, except for race cars where you’re SUPPOSED to do that…
I was a junior in high school. My sister was a freshman at a local music college (Vandercook for those who’ve heard of it). Her entire school (which was about 200 people) came to my school to give a concert. We were gathering in the gym as she and her fellow musicians were tuning up.
The gym was filling up nicely with my high school classmates. I went to a pretty small high school, so my sister spotted me when I came into the gym. She pointed me out to the people who were sitting next to her. “See her? That’s my little sister.”
Unaware of her watching me, I ran up the bleachers to sing a quick birthday song to a friend. After singing to him, I turned around to run back down the bleachers, and slipped.
Yes, I fell. Hoo boy, did I fall. I fell on my side, rolled down a few flights (whatever they’re called), did a cartwheel/rollover and landed on my stomach a few rows down on the part where you put your feet.
Not only did I embarrass myself, but my sister was horrified that I did such a thing in front of HER school. No matter that I could’ve had a broken neck or something.
I would never believe that I would relate this story but it’s been so long ago now that I guess it’s funny.
I invited a friend to dinner, a very nice place that I’d never been to. The waitress took our orders and while I was trying to figure out why there were all those forks and spoons on the table, she brought out these little soup bowls with a slice of lemon in it. I picked it up and started to taste it and my girlfriend broke out in LOUD laughter, eventually explaining that it was intended for bathing the fingers. ::
It must have given me a complex, I still avoid fancy restaurants.
I once worked for a company owned by a woman who looked funny, dressed funny, talked funny, had pecular facial tics and odors and … well, you get the picture.
One night a co-worker and I were working very late, and we were talking about the owner, and then started to do some very unmistakable impersonations of her, including jumping around on the furniture, making animal sounds.
Little did we know that the owner had come in the back door, and was standing there, watching everything we did. When she saw that we saw her, she just turned around and left.
To her credit, she never mentioned this to either of us.
When I was in the military, a gorgeous young woman was temporarily assigned to an office near my assigned place of work. Had an instant crush on her, and she seemed friendly enough.
At the end of the day I’m walking out to my car with a buddy, talking about her, and maybe it’s excitement or maybe it’s lunch but I’ve got gas, and I mean, bad. As we’re walking I let 'er rip. BRAAAAAP! Oooh, that felt good and- BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP! By this time my butt’s on fire and I can’t help but-BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! I’m screaming in mock agony…
(Hey, come on, I was a kid back then.)
For a dramatic flourish I turn to slap out the imaginary flames. The gorgeous woman had been walking about forty feet behind us the whole time. The look on her face… If she’d had an M-16 I’d have been dead on the spot. Until she transferred I pretty much assigned myself to flightline work where I could hide in the parked planes.
I perform wedding ceremonies as a part-time job (A lot of Japanese couples want a western-style ceremony with a foreign priest because it looks more romantic and stylish. They don’t actually care about the religion part, so for $150 a pop I’m more than willing to pretend I’m Christian).
Anyway, one of my lines in the ceremony was
“Ai wa shinri wo yorokobimasu” (Love rejoices in truth).
What I actually said was
“Ai wa shiri wo yorokobimasu” (Love has fun with your ass).
Nobody mentioned anything, but I noticed the groom seemed to relax a bit.
Wayyyyyy back when I was sixteen, I got my first job at the local McDonald’s. I was very shy and nervous at first, especially since they started me out on the drive-thru window.
I had a guy order a hot fudge sundae. We were required to ask each customer if they wanted nuts on their sundae.(Okay, you see where this is going…) Well, I screwed up and asked the guy if he would like hot fudge sundae on his nuts! He asked, “Is that extra?, and can I get it without the ice cream?” I wanted to hide, but I had to take his money and give him his ice cream. When he pulled up to the window, my face was pure crimson. He was rather cute, at least!
When I was playing football in high school, we were out on the field in shorts and helmets (instead of full pads). The band was just out of the end zone practicing. The band director was standing on a platform with his back to the field. I don’t know why, but I thought, “Hey, why not moon the band?” So I did. When I turned around, there was the band director staring straight at me. Luckily I had my helmet on, so he couldn’t recognize me. I had visions of the scene from Porky’s:
“Have you seen this ass? If you see this ass, do not approach it, as it is armed and dangerous.”
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