what's your most embarassing moment?

I’ll tell mine (it’s more like my 23rd most embarassing moment):
I was dating this woman and I was going to meet her mother for the first time. My girlfriend and her friends had all scared me with stories of how much of a ‘dragon lady’ she was. In short, there was very little chance she would like me and approve of the relationship. Her family is Jewish and wealthy and plugged into the upper levels of Washington DC life and I’m none of those things. The first time I met her was when my girlfriedn and I were going on a trip to the beach for a week, so it added to my anxiety (what with the understood intimacy and all). Y’all should know I’m a goofy guy, and get clumsy when I’m nervous.

I was in the living room waiting for the mom to come in. When she did, I happened to be scratching my cheek and when I went to shake her hand, I did this spastic flailing of my hand, managed to hook my eyeglasses with my thumb, fling them across the room, and hit mom in the face. One of my lenses then promptly popped out and rolled under the sofa.

I got on my knees to get the lens, and while still on my knees trying to fit the lens back in the frame I looked up and mom was still standing, poised with her hand out to shake my hand. She looked at me and asked, “are you alright young man?”

That was probably 7 years ago and I still shudder when I think of it.

I once had my ass painted the school colors, and was mooning the stands from my car in the homecoming half-time, when the procession stopped and I couldn’t get away.
I was announced over the loudspeakers and beated up.

I was caught masturbating on a school trip once. Nobody left me alone about it for two years afterwards, until I moved away.

I was changing in the locker room at school, taking off my shorts, when the back of my boxers ripped exposing my ass to everyone behind them. Poor them.

Another time, I was walking naked from the shower to my bedroom. I was going to bed and as I passed my front door I tried to open it, to make sure I had locked it. Of course, because it’s me, I hadn’t locked it and it swung open and there I was standing absolutely naked in my front door. My cute neighbor across the hall was just leaving her apt. Thank god she had her back to me as she was locking her door. I panicked and froze for a second standing five feet behind her naked, waiting for the screaming and sirens I knew would be coming soon. Just as she was about to turn around, I slammed my door. Welcome to my world, sigh.

Grade 8… 13 yrs old

Just came out of the showers after P.E. For some reason, I was wearing underpants. I put my hands in my pockets, my fly opened up…all the way. The girl I had a crush on was standing nearby, so I make my way over to impress her with god knows what. By the time I walked over to her, my 13 yr old penis was swinging in the breeze. Well, not actually swinging, just kind of sticking straight out…flacid.

Kill me…Kill me now.

Graeme -

You made that up! You had to! Admit it, you made that up! (For your sake, I hope you made it up . . . )?

You had underwear with pockets? :rolleyes:

Oh Graeme…I know it doesn’t make any difference to you, but I just ruined some very important papers on my desk by splorting up coffee all over them. I don’t really know how I’ll explain it, but I promise your penis won’t be any part of it. God, I’m gonna get my butt kicked…
My most embarrassing moment? Too many, but the one I think of right now is when I went to a government-funded office to take a pregnancy test. It was located in a big office building–lots of grey-haired men in three-piece suits walking up and down the hallway. Well, as it happens, this was one of those urine tests and the office didn’t have it’s own bathroom. So I had to follow the lady down the hall to the basement, carrying a styrofoam cup. It was SO obvious what I was doing I could have died. What’s worse is that she left me in the bathroom to find my way back alone. Yes. Walking up the stairs and down the busy hall with a cup of urine. Warm urine. I felt like I was in a Woody Allen movie. Every time someone walked past me, I’d lift the cup like it was coffee–you know, the coffee salute? I never drank any–thank you God–but I looked and felt like an idiot.

Sometimes sex is not worth it.

I was working as a counselor at Boy Scout Camp. We were in the middle of the Friday Night Camp fire program that concluded the weeks camping. This was the one where all the parents of the scouts that had camped out for the week were here. Anyway, I was doing a short fill in by telling a joke to everyone. One line in the joke was supposed to be, “The lady was mad.”, but I said, “The lady was Pissed.” Immediately after saying that, I said, “Oh Shit!” So there I was… cursing in front of all these families. I was so embarrased and everyone erupted in laughter.

A few friends I still have from there still remind me of that, in fact because the punchline of the joke had to do with a blue brick, my nickname for the rest of the summer was “BlueBrick”.

Ummmm…

I got hit by a car when I was 9 years old (this is NOT the embarassing part) just before the school year started. I had to have a plastic plate put in my skull area. So the doctors cut open the top of my shattered skull, put the plate in, and all was well and good…

Until I got to school. I had missed two weeks of school, and Sesame Street was huge, then (1972). My bandages didn’t cover my stitches, because they needed open air to breathe.

So, this lovely 40-stitch wound I had looked just like the letter “Y”. All my -MALE- classmates just had to show it off to all the females at the school, for gross-out effect.

Needless to say, I had a huge crush on a girl who saw it, and who then screamed “YUCK!”

I’ve never been able to run my hands through my hair without recalling that day.

I meant to type…I ** WASN’T ** wearing underpants.
See how that expirience affects me to this day???

It all true…sadly

I just thought of another one.

My wife and I tried for 13 months for a baby. We went to a Dr. and he told us they would test me first…cheaper and easier and all that stuff. The date came to collecta sample from me. I popped into a very clean canning jar, put the jar into a paper lunch bag, and off I went. We lived about 40 minutes away from the hospital and I was told to keep the sample warm, and get to the hospital as quickly as possible. I tucked the bag in my armpit, and off I sped.

20 minutes into the trip, I got pulled over by the police for speeding.
I get out of my truck, run towards the cop, and pull my little parcel out of my shirt. “I’ve got to get this to the hospital…stat” I said. I produced the jar of jizz and half expected him to say, “Follow me…to hell with traffic laws !!! We’ll get your sperm to where it needs to be!!”

Instead, he looked at me like I was some sort of new deviant he’d never seen before. He did however, let me go.

I finally get to the hospital and gave it to the nurse at the lab.

In a hushed tone, I leaned over the desk and say,“Here’s that sample the Dr. wanted from me.”

“What sample?” said Nurse Bitchface.

“Um…er…gack…” I said.

She takes the jar from the bag, hold it above her freekin’ head, so the lights would shine through it, and says…“Oh, seman. Is this all of it? It doesn’t look like very much.”

Just about everyone looked up and laughed out loud when she commented on the amount.

You see, I don’t usually beat off into a canning jar, so when it was time, I think I put a kink in the plumbing and I didn’t make a full deposit.

I should have said to her…“I’ve got more in my underpants you big fuck stick…wait a minute and I’ll get it for you.”

Jumped up Jesus…that was a long day.