Everytime I see Cristiano Ronaldo, I can’t help but think of Patrick’s haircut on Coupling. The haircut is called the Hard Man. Hard Man Definition I think that crossing of the done up hair and the athletic body doesn’t work well. You want either the athlete who just walked out of the locker room or the metrosexual with the well-done hair.
Remember when Joey on “Friends” waxed his eyebrows and looked really funny with girly eyebrows? That’s what this guy looks like. I can’t really say why, but he’s not doing it for me, either (but that second picture of Becks - yowza!).
(Note–I formulated this response before I knew he was a soccer player. Now that I know that, my comments seem slightly ridiculous, but regardless of the reality that Mr. Ronaldo is a gen-yoo-ine athlete, he doesn’t give the impression of being one.)
One of the reasons he’s not hot is because they’re “gym muscles,” not “real muscles.” There are SO many guys in the media who’s bodies are shaped by hours and hours in the weight room, and the result is bodies that are objectively good, but which convey no sense of strength or athleticism. One thing that makes men sexy is that they seem cabable. Gym muscles don’t make a guy seem capable. Real muscles do.*
Now lots of guys with real muscles do spend plenty of time in the weight room, and may have observable muscular enhancement due to that, but the basis of the physique is formed by physical work or athletics.
Looking at the picture of David Beckham is instructive. I mean, if you want to get picky about it, his body is far from “perfect.” He has weird lumpy abs and narrow-ish shoulders and really ropy muscles. But is he sexy? Hell yes! Way way sexier than Derek Zoolander there. He has real muscles. He looks strong and capable.
And at least he has a little bit of body hair! Cristiano there doesn’t even have a treasure trail! I mean, come on now!
TruCelt and CW–the lack of a treasure trail may contribute to the apparent girliness.
And I totally agree with what Disheavel said about the hair. Becks’ jarhead hairdo there is pretty ugly…but what is it connoting? The Marines. And Marines are really really capable by definition. Semper Fi, dudes!
- I know a lot of women here like the geeky type, but that doesn’t actually contradict what I’m saying about men who seem capable being sexy. Geeky guys’ capabilities just don’t show in their physiques.
Because he’s one of the best athletes in the world?
I don’t really get this question. Are you saying he doesn’t have a good body? Or that you don’t think somebody would actually kill for it? I find you mistaking the hyperbole more likely than thinking he’s not actually in good shape.
No, I understand hyperbole just fine, but I find the concept of envying another person’s body rather odd. I’m trying to think of any woman about whom I’d say “I’d kill to have her body,” or even “I’d kill to have her legs,” or “I’d kill to have her hair.” I might occasionally think “it would be neat to have a body that great,” or “ooh, I really like her hair, too bad mine won’t do that,” or something … but to have this fantasy where my life would really be completely different, and infinitely better, if I looked like X, Y, or Z … foreign concept. Which is not to say that I think I’m so gorgeous that there’s no room for improvement, it’s just that body image isn’t central to my identity. shrug
Sorry to hijack, it’s really not important from my POV – call me whooshed by hyperbole and move on.
Ronaldo’s body is something to behold, but I’d take Michael Ballack (even in a Chelsea strip) over him any day of the week. Mmm… Michael Ballack. Faddy would definitely get it. Thierry Henry, Adrian Mutu and footballer-turned-manager Pep Guadiola too.
Never thought the Dope would have thread where I could list a small selection of the the footballers/soccer players I’d like to shag and still be pretty much on topic.
Heh heh heh. I know you realised your error just before posting, but still, I find this quite funny. One of the reasons Ronaldo is recognised by many as THE best football player in the world is his physicality.
Yeah people like to make fun of his diving (which is nowhere near as bad as opposing fans would have you believe), or label him as a fancy-dan coward, but in reality this guy is a physical freak of nature. There is nothing soft about this guy, he is perfect mix of strength, pace, height and not some little skill.
I’m a straight man, but I think I can see what you’re talking about. Ronaldo’s body looks like he’s over-emphasized a few spots. The result is that he looks like he has huge sexy-muscles but is empty or soft in adjacent spots. While Beckham probably has spent a decent amount of time in the gym, the impression his body creates is that it’s pretty strong in all places, including the muscles that aren’t “sexy”.
I often suspect that the tendency to over-emphasize abs and pects comes from a desire to simplify the sort of strong body that straight women tend to like. The women certainly do like ripped bodies, but not ones that seem obviously out of proportion because a small set of muscles has been overemphasized. If I see women talking about how dreamy a guy is, the guy in question rarely has massive moobs or something.
Yeah, that’s definitely part of it, Bith. I went back and looked at what parts seemed “empty,” and holy moly! His forearms are like toothpicks! (TruCelt mentioned that before, but I didn’t really look then.) Almost reminds me of a racehorse–sleek and muscular, but fragile. Fragile is not sexy. And IMHO forearms are one of the sexiest parts of a guy’s body, and weak forearms imply overall weakness.
I guess he’s not really weak, but that’s the message that the picture is sending, at least from my perspective.
I’d probably kill myself if I tried to get my body to look like that.
20 years ago? Maybe. Today? Fugginfuhgedaboudit.
Women and men differ a lot in the sexual sphere. Two of the most prominent apply here – women are dramatically less visually oriented than men and also don’t dig the whole casual sex/leering thing nearly as much (contrast this with men who can peruse unknown women like they’re items on a shelf). Then throw in the 80/20 rule for good measure.
But when you do have women who are inclined to share their opinions on what they find physically attractive in men on an anonymous forum you’ll get “weird” (from a man’s POV) responses like:
Also see: shoulders, jaw, back.
Funnily enough, unmuscly forearms compared to the rest of his body isn’t down to him ‘styling’ his body through exercise - it’s down to his job. Forearms don’t get used much in football unless you’re a goalie. So that aspect of his shape is natural.
All the same, I know what you mean about it being sexier when a man looks like he’s earnt his muscles by working rather than by working out. The former implies putting a lot of effort into your job, the latter implies putting a lot of effort into your appearance.
Rugged, hairy, and work-roughened type looks currently seem to be the “in” thing - Gerard Butler, Viggo Mortensen, David R. Snell, Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman (as Wolverine,) to name just a few. It seems like the whole gym-toned, smooth-skinned, styled-hair thing is considered too overdone, melodramatic and effeminate nowadays, except among teenage girls. The tall, skinny, lean-but-not-really-muscular rock-star look is also popular, being a perennial favorite that will never really go out of style. (Guys who are very thin, but short, are kind of screwed though, unless they’re jockeys.)
I think this is one of the reasons The Tudors failed and will ultimately be canceled - Jonathan Rhys Myers had his appeal pulled out from under him. When that show first went on the air, his look was very popular; in the ensuing years, the brawny and less-“pretty” style took over, and now people are unwilling to watch a guy who looks like the stereotypical metrosexual play a burly, brawny and charismatic monarch with a “larger than life” personality.
fans self Nice! (Pep didn’t really do anything for me though)
You’re new here, right? Stick around, and you’ll see it all.
Edit to add, the guy in the OP, ugh.
He looks like a very high maintenance metrosexual, which in my opinion, is the antithesis of sexy. But I like the brawny look that Argent is talking about anyway.
The forearms themselves may be natural, but they’re all out of proportion to his upper arms. Sure, a soccer player will have less-developed forearms than, say, a basketball player, but the rest of the upper body should reflect that as well. The dichotomy between the skinny forearms and the bulked-up upper arms, shoulders, and pecs screams “GYM MUSCLES! GYM MUSCLES!”
Ah, a much more succinct way of saying that. Thanks.
I’m 45 and my body is just as good if not better than his. Trust me you have to have the face to go with it, there I can’t compete.
That’s what the ladies like youth and handsome face
It’s not what your face looks like that matters, it’s how you use it.
Because he’s clearly gay and has a babyface, and many straight women don’t find effeminate gay men (no matter how buff) very sexy?
Also he is a cheating crybaby diver and I hate him. Thank god he doesn’t play for Man U anymore.
In my own case… I don’t like that much muscle. it’s just… too.