Most pointless warranties?

So at some point I’m browing through some old papers at home and find the warranty card for my mother’s burial vault. Seems that it is guaranteed to not leak for something like 100 years. I thought this was pretty much a risk-free guarantee to make for the company–how many people are going to dig up their ancestors 99 years after the burial, find that the bones are water-damaged, and demand restitution from the vault manufacturer?

Anyone run across any equally pointless warranties?

Well, impermeability works both ways. If you are walking through a graveyard at night and get attacked by zombies, maybe the vault manufacturers are liable?

There’s probably a zombie exclusion clause. Most contracts have one, right after the sanity clause.

You can’t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause.

I always liked the lifetime warranty concept that defines “lifetime” to be the lifetime of the product. So that would be right up until it breaks, presumably?

I bought a car many years ago that came with the full guaranty. If it broke in half I’d get to keep both halves.

My mother is gullible and gets talked into signing up for crap. E.g., she was paying for one of those idiotic “credit protection services”. I read the warranty. It only paid compensation if someone bypassed the things the software was monitoring. I.e., if the software did nothing at all, they’d never have to pay up.

Not exactly pointless, but Office Depot offers a warranty on nearly all their products. The only it does is make me wonder about the quality of their products.

Apparently, whoever makes the pots used at Olive Garden considers the warranty void if you boil salted water in it. Which is why Olive Garden does not use salt when boiling pasta.

Speaking in general terms, those product warranties are one of the best ways for a store to make money. It’s like insurance–if the company wasn’t making money, they wouldn’t be in that business.

When a salesmen gives the me the pitch on this, I always tell him that the reason I won’t buy it is because of how keen he is to sell it to me.