The story’s really long and I don’t want to post a novel (and it’s impossible to cut) so let’s just say I tried to hide an avocado in my locker but it just kept coming back to haunt me
“Who controls the past controls the future; who controls the present controls the past.” --1984
I hear you man–I made a tossed salad once and the lettuce and tomatoe spirits still haunt me to this very day. Who would have thought produce could be so vindictive?
There was the time I married the woman who would become the Former Mrs. Ranger.
Ranger Jeff
The Idol of American Youth
Server’s poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
Ok College years
-Burned all the hair off my ass lighting a fart and seriously scored my asshole. But from what I hear it lit up (and stunk up) the room and permanently left a shadow on the wall I was facing so its a toss up. Did I mention I was drunk?
-Broke my hand catching a punch from another jerk
-Jumped off a second story balcony into a swimming pool (and nearly broke my feet)
-Blew myself into a wall making a “small chemical reaction” for a lab assignment (knocking myself out in the process)
-Let myself be videotaped over a Mardi Gras blowout of 1993 (among the big highlights: me puking over the side of a crowded balcony, getting spanked by a dominatrix in a leather club- and looking like I really like it I was ultra stewed and me um…playing hide Mr Knish with two girls in a hot tub by a unseen video friend) The result is a constant showing of it to crowds and parties and threatening to show family members if my rent is late. Believe me, they have copies (I have already destroyed two)
-Getting caught sneaking upstairs in the at Graceland. Not so bad but I got caught mimicking the Elvis death pose on the famed privy. At least I think it was it
Yes Alcohol had a lot to do with it but I was still stupid enough to say yes. Would I change-still haven’t and how many can say they saw where Elvis had his last movement, got spanked by a leather bitch, and blew himself up numerous times.
Okay, here’s one. I’m about nine or ten years old and I just got a tee-ball set for my birthday. I have it set up outside and I’m having a blast pretending I’m Babe Ruth. Unfortunately I have the tee-ball set up so that when I hit it, the ball flies up into a tree and gets stuck. A rational person might have called their parents at this point, but I decided to fix the problem myself by pulling on the elastic cord. After a few moments of hard pulling, the ball and cord abruptly part ways, and the cord comes whistling back and hits me in the stomach.
I still remember the sound I made-- kind of a gurgling whimper. I staggered into the house crying with a HUGE welt on my stomach and my parents wound up taking me to the doctor (and they were NOT pleased). Luckily, I wasn’t seriously hurt. Of course, now I’m glad the damn cord didn’t hit me in the eyes-- and I’m very thankful that the ball did not remain attached to the cord.
– Sylence
“A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, ‘Wish you were here’.” - Steven Wright
I like these stupid things that end up here at 2 AM
In the Old Age Topic I came to the realization that youth is usually an element in the stupid things we do. But, I do driving under pretty bad icy road conditions just last year. I had enough experience to not even try it with the whole family. Took some 12-14 hours to drive a 7 hour trip.
“The universe doesn’t give first warnings or second chances”
Back in 3rd grade I had a very interesting teacher- Mrs Lamanski- who forced all the kiddies to eat everything on their lunch tray. Being allergic to peas I usually hid the pesky green veggies in my milk carton so I wouldn’t have to eat them… til one day my teacher saw me trying to hide my uneaten peas. She told me that if I didn’t eat just one I would be forced to stay inside and not get to go out for recess. This was a dramatic thing- no recess meant no parking lot football! So, not wanting to miss a quick pick up game of two-hand-tap football I forced one down. I guess that wasn’t a smart thing because the next thing I remember was puking my guts out all over my desk, the kid in front of me and all over the floor. Even though I followed her command I was still forced to stay inside from recess. After that day Mrs Lamanski never forced any of the kids to eat everything off their plates again. People still tease me about it- mainly because I didn’t have to clean it up!
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
– Calvin and Hobbes
I was in the Youth Conservation Corps one summer. I had heard that people ate rattlesnake and I figured you could eat any kind of snake. So, we killed a water moccasin one day and I skinned it and took it to the dorm to boil (yes, that is pretty stupid) it. The darn thing stunk up the dorm so bad we had to leave till the smell evaporated (no a/c). Moral: water moccasins–a dish only the smell-impaired could endure.
Hey…um…cowgodmoo (great s/n, BTW), all I have to say is … what a JERK of a teacher!
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible!”
“English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.”
I was…seventeen I think, when my very precocious friend down the street suggested we make a hot air balloon. Great idea! We cut up and taped together a large number of the plastic bags dry cleaners use, and came up with a five foot wide, fifteen foot tall glory of a balloon.(Mistake #1)
It even carried it’s own heat source up with it in the form of a small amount of sterno in an aluminum holder.(Mistake #2)
The balloon carried a small radio transmitter for tracking, which used a long wire hanging below the balloon for an antenna. (Mistake #3)
We decided to launch the balloon from the middle of a big open (strawberry)field in back of my house. (Mistake #4)
Problem #1…The launch site was less than a mile from a private airport. Nearly caused a single engine airplane to become landfill.
Problem #2…The launch site was less than five miles from an FCC monitoring station (of some sort), and they heard the transmitter on an unauthorized frequency. Loud and clear. They had better tracking equipment than we did, and arrived at the balloon’s crash site before us.
Problem #3…The fire department arrived at the balloon crash site just after we did, so they had better luck putting out the brush fire started by the flaming sterno.
Problem #4…The police were alerted by reports of gunfire from a neighborhood near the balloon crash site, and arrived about the same time we did. There WAS no gunfire, it was the explosions of the antenna wire vaporizing as it flopped across the powerlines on the big metal tower nearby.
Problem #5…The squashed remains of the strawberries all over our feet identified us as the trespassers the police were looking for in response to the farmers complaint.
That was just the balloon! Wait’ll I tell about the railroad stuff!
Fixed(innocent)Back
Pretty good.
I guess it would be too much for us to hear from loverock. But we’ll accept the sum total of his posts as a stupid thing.
Fixed - You sure you didn’t grow up in a small town in Idaho? Sounds just like me. Anyway, here’s my RR story, will be looking forward to yours.
Highschool days, summer of '64 I believe. My friend and I decide to try the catwalk underneath a RR trestle outside of town. It was high, well over 100 ft. The catwalk consisted of a couple of 2x12’s loosely attached to steel rods, and hung only about 5 ft. under the rails (not enough room to stand up, had to crouch. We get to the middle of the trestle and, you guessed it, train! We decide we can’t make it to the end, so we just got down and hugged the boards. I can’t possibly relate the horror of having two diesel locomotives pass right over your head as the whole trestle vibrates and sways back and forth. I think it was about a half hour before we could manage to move again. Oh yeah, and right before that we had spray painted our names on an old box car on a siding. It wound up in town a few days later, right at the main crossing.
“Basses do it lower”
Homepage: http://members.aol.com/Toymkr47/Index.htm
I have found that when placing things on railroad tracks with the object of smashing them flat (coins, keys, random pieces of metal), it isn’t a good idea to attempt to flatten a ball bearing 1/8 inch in diameter or larger.
The bearings are usually made of hardened steel, and when compressed between the train wheel and the rail, they tend to shoot out at great velocity, much like a pumpkinseed pinched between the fingers.
Anything downrange, I mean, ahead of the locomotive will likely sustain a direct hit.
A car proceeding through a crossing ahead of the train could become perforated by the high-speed projectile the ball bearing has turned into.
I never realized until then what cheap steel the pickup trucks imported from japan were made of. For what it’s worth, the shattered remains of the ball bearing were later removed from the drivers side door of the truck. The impact was just a little too much for even a hardened steel bearing.
FixedBack
Bet you pause before crossing in front of a train from now on!
I try not to do stupid things anymore. But sometimes I end up doing stupid things other people think up.
Some of you newer members never had a chance to boast of your stupidity.
I did something stupid during the 2nd week of school… I accused my chem teacher of lying. She was going over safety procedures with us, and she related the story of a chemistry accident in a high school in California earlier that week. I was curious as to the details of the situation, so I went to the computer lab after school and searched MSNBC, CNN, etc., for stories about the explosion, but no luck. So I went back to her and 9here comes teh stupid part) basically told her I thought she had made up the whole story to scare us into being safe. She showed me the newspaper clipping she had comfirming her story, and I left with a nauseating feeling in my stomach… The next day, in the halls, she approached me and basically told me she thought it was inappropriate for a brand-new Chem student to go into her class and accuse her of lying, and I couldn’t have agreed with her more… I apologized profusely, and we are on good terms now (she was actually pretty cool about it).
So what Ms. Lewton says is GOSPEL TRUTH now, NO MATTER WHAT!!!
I’m not happy with my daughter’s preschool this year. We were stupid enough to committ to a whole year. They have a nature trail they say they built and cleaned up. But she got all over poison ivy there the other day. I’m not happy with their unstable teacher situation. They quit etc. at odd times.
I haven’t done many things especially stupid. Apart from waste my life.
But I did ruin an opportunity to work in Special Effects by revealing a secret about an upcoming movie and putting on the internet with my name on it.
So that’s why I’m not working on Lord of the Rings right now.
Another stupid thing I did was move to Australia with virtually no money in my bank account - and I filled in my Tax Return wrong so the rebate I thought I was getting to help me turned out to be a myth! D’oh!
Here’s a stupid thing: Getting caught.
That applies in many situations.
There was gonna be something else, but I forgot it. Darn…
“Well, roll me in eggs and flour and bake me for forty minutes!”
The Legend Of PigeonMan - updates every Wed & Sat
My list of stupid things.
Leaving home at 15.
Quiting school in the middle of the 8th grade.
Marrying my first husband at the age of 18. After knowing him for a total of two months.
Going to work for a carnival for 8 months after first husband hung himself.
EVER doing LSD.
Ayesha - Lioness
You sound reasonable. Must be time to up my medication.
You worked for the Carnival?
You know, in all my life i don’t think i’ve EVER known a carnie.
Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.