That whole movie was an unerotic, pointless, annoying, and just plain dumb sex scene.
Damn. You suuure you wouldn’t reconsider? 
Oh, man, sitting here LOL, especially Bottle of Smoke! 
Thank you to everyone who participated. Now I have a most excellent list to take with me to the video store next time. I can’t believe I forgot about the Highlander scene. Gotta look for it next time…
All hail Family Video and their TwoFerADollar rack.
Mmmm…huge gap…
Oh my God! I still have nightmares about that scene where she’s floping around in the swimming pool like a hooked bass. It’s enough to put you off sex entirely (well, almost.)
You want the most unerotic, most boring, pointless, and annoying sex/love scene? I’ve got three words for you. Eyes Wide Shut. This is the only movie I’ve ever seen that made sex seem boring.
Marc
I am completely surprised that nobody mentioned Starship Troopers yet. The one sex scene with Rico and what’s-her-name (haven’t seen the movie in years) was just a gratuitous means of showing off the chick’s breasts. Agreed, it (thankfully) didn’t last very long, but it seemed as if the only reason it was put in was because the producers were following the standard Unknown-Star-Action-Movie-Guideline:
A: Guns, explosions, and blood.
B: Stud star (acting talent optional)
C: Lots of breasts.
D: Sex scene.
E: Leave possibility for sequel.
Wasn’t the whole point of Eyes Wide SHut to make sex boring? I thought it was an attempt to make sex a complete non-issue by overexposure. Not to say I liked the movie. I found it very boring too, I just thought that was the idea with it.
Am I being too superficial here, was there an actual point to the movie?
No, this sex scene was a necessary plot device. Without it, she could not have uttered this awful line as she died:
“It’s OK if I die now, because I got to have you first.” That’s pure art.
The scene between Charlie Sheen and Kristie Swanson in “The Chase” was horrible. Not only did it not make ANY sense, the movie didn’t even have the decency to show Ms. Swanson nekkid.
We’re driving at a high rate of speed, being chased by the cops who, by the way, think that I kidnapped you so, I think it would be a stellar idea if you were to climb on top of me and we can have sex and (somehow) not run off the road.
The original Highlander can’t even compete with the horrible kiss scene in Highlander II. It’s just…well, I’ll let Jabootu’s review tell the story:
Okay, first thing to come to my mind is the sex scene in ‘Mad Dog and Glory,’ with Robert DiNero and Uma Thurman. They’re both pretty sexy people in most cases…but in this movie…glick. Made me uncomfortable just watching it.
Depends on how hard you want to work as a viewer. Most people view movies as escapism, and therefore hate Kubrick. If you don’t mind assigning yourself a little Symbolism 301 homework after the movie, Eyes Wide Shut actually has a lot to offer. If you’re interested, check out my own writeup and take special note of the link to the longer analysis at the bottom.
As far as the OP: There wasn’t an actual sex scene, but it was strongly implied, so I think it counts. My example is Ronin, where De Niro and McElhorne are sitting in that car doing surveillance, talking about the job. Some other car goes by, so for cover, they turn and pretend to be necking. The other car passes, and they stop. They look at each other, and go back to necking.
Huh?
Seriously, I think the movie has something else on its mind (along the lines of SPOOFE Bo Diddly’s checklist), but that doesn’t mean it works dramatically.
I am having a hard time remembering for sure (and I suspect it’s my mind blocking the memory for a reason) but I could swear that there was sort of a “Love Scene” in Howard the Duck between Lea Thompson and Howard. Maybe she just kisses him, but UGH! That whole movie was puke-o-riffic and adding a romantic attachment between them was icing on the cake. I do recall Lea finding a duck-sized condom in his pocket and giggling or something. Ugh!
There was another I wanted to post, but I’m having spasms (not pleasant ones) after dwelling on HTD overlong.
Oh yeah. There is a sex scene in Damaged that was too creepy to watch. I thought the same of Blue Velvet.
The sex scene between Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral is nearly enough to ruin the whole movie!!
They just keep talking annoyingly through the whole thing, saying things like, “Oh, what would the vicar say if he saw us…”, “I don’t think the priests would approve”, etc. PUKE!!!
I usually fast forward through this part and it definitely improves the movie.
Wow, I didn’t even know there was a sex scene in Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I certainly don’t remember that from the rental version??? The cable version certainly doesn’t suffer from the lack of these scenes, that’s for sure.
Oh boy. They don’t even have a verb for the motion Ace Ventura’s single bed is making in that scene. Then it stops, and you see their heads emerge from the covers, and the female makes some comment about how many times (5? 6?) and Ace says “Sorry, that’s never happened to me before.” Then he pants a few times and says “Okay!” and jumps on her again. She lets out this mewl and the scene is over. Argh.
I apologize for the pain I’ve caused those who found this scene replaying in their minds as I described it.
My first thought was the sex scene at the beginning of Jerry McGuire.
Tinker