What’s wrong with PETZ? In my opinion, we wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for the People for the UNethical Treatment of Zombies. :wally
The morning DJ I listen to had some nifty advice for protecting your home from zombies: Grow cauliflower around your house and regularly baste it with beef broth. Cauliflower looks like brains, combined with the meaty smell should stop them in their tracks and give you a good, clear shot at them.
I’d just be worried about attracting zombies with my little brain patch.
mp5k burst to the cranium with hollow rounds should do the trick
and
never underestimate the power of good old fasion steel, a sword or an ax can incapacitate a zombie quicker than a supersoaker
stupid amatures…
Bah–all this talk of using machine guns, super soakers and fire to repell zombies disgusts me. In my day we used rocks and clubs made out of tree branches to brain the undead and they worked just fine. What are you going to do if all this fancy-schmancy gear of yours breaks down (and it will)–ask the undead for a time out? I seriously wonder about the future sometimes…
Last year we had a neighbor that had been able to conceal that he was a werewolf. Turns out he slept in a windowless room in his basement, in order to lessen the chances of having the moonlight transform him accidentally.
He finally got careless though, when he tried to get two kids who were camping out overnight in their backyard. One of them, a Boy Scout who had already earned his merit badge in Creature Killing, stabbed the brute with the silver medallion that he wore on a chain around his neck. Kid got his picture in the paper too “Young hero” and so forth. He says he wants to start a business, sort of like a private eye, to ferret out the sneaky ones like the one he killed.
BTW, there is a law being proposed in the state legislature that if you do make a killing like this, that you would receive half of it’s property. The only problem is figuring out how to stop greedy humans with itchy trigger fingers, whose actual motive is to make a fast buck, not to make the world safe for humans. So for now it’s stuck in committee while the kinks are worked out.
Oh, please. PUTZ is fighting for our natural, god-given right to keep our brains from being eaten by zombies. If I want my brain eaten away, I’ll drink excessively or watch a “Three’s Company” marathon, thank you very much.
If more of us were PUTZes, the world would be a lot better place, I can tell you that.