I’d move. Long commutes are soul stealing. 3 hours per day riding public transportation!!! Whatever time you thought you had to go to museums, visiting with neighbors in the hallway, chatting with your bodega owner…replaced with minding your own business on the local commuter train.
I see today was the deadline for giving notice on the lease, so any advice is probably too late, but I’d be interested to know what you decided, OP. Personally I’d move - you can use all that time you save commuting to the city in the evenings to do fun stuff.
Likewise, I still want to offer my opinion even though today is the deadline for making a decision.
First of all, if I were in your situation I would get the hell out without a moment’s hesitation because I don’t even like city living.
But trying to place myself in your shoes, it seems like the absolutely only plus to staying in NYC is the sense of community. And while a sense of community is legitimate and important, I think you can get that in the suburbs, too. I mean, if I’m reading you correctly, you’re not moving to upstate New York where it’s 30 miles to the nearest grocery store, you’re just moving out of high-rise land. If you move to a neighborhood, you’ll still likely get to know your neighbors, become friendly with some people at the stores you frequent, etc. In fact, I think that typically happens MORE frequently as you move from a major city to a smaller town.
Oh, looking back at your OP, I see you did also mention that you didn’t like the idea of using a car to get around. Interesting, because that’s one of the things I prefer about living outside the city: not having to share my space with shady, smelly strangers, plus getting to control the temperature in my car. If you prefer public transport, well, that’s a legit preference. However, it sounds like you’d spend more time in the car if you didn’t move than if you did, so that’s really another point in favor of moving.
And lastly, I would remark upon how much a long commute sucks. I got a job with about an hour’s commute back in June. Well, in June it was more like 45 minutes because school was out, and it sucked but it was doable. But once school got back in session, I got back on the job boards that same week and found a new job (I mean, it took a few months to find a new job, but my point is I knew I wanted out by that first week). Losing an entire 10 hours a week of your life to commuting is just awful.
Well, for me, there’s no question. I’d live in the suburbs. As long as I am reasonably close to a city, I’m fine.
Dead Cat, The wind of my soul, and everyone (anyone?) else still following this thread–I’m very flattered that you’d remember my OP and want an update.
I’m moving. After a lot of searching, I’ve managed to find what I think will be a decent house sharing situation. All I have right now is a deal confirmed with a handshake–no signed papers or deposit yet, which makes me a little nervous. But my prospective roommate/landlord–let’s call him “Chris” for now–seems like a decent person who’s genuinely interested in having me live in his house.
If everything works out, I’ll have a tiny bedroom in a place that’s about 15 minutes by bus, or 30 minutes by bike, from my office. I can park my car in part of the driveway and lock my bicycle to the porch for no extra charge. I’ll have full use of the kitchen, washer/dryer, and common areas. I’d also get at least some space in the veggie/herb garden. (Chris inherited the house from his parents recently, and he’s not really interested in planting, weeding, etc. So I might end up with a full kitchen garden for the summer and fall.)
Chris also has a cat with whom I bonded instantly. I think that’s one of the reasons he said he’d like to have me move in. (I also mentioned that I would be bringing several boxes of books with me. As a fellow reader, he was more than happy to share bookshelf space in the living room.)
The decor leaves much to be desired, and I could barely fit a twin bed in the room that’s going to be mine. The house is old and drafty, so heat can be kind of dicey. I’m not sure whether I’d want to spend the winter in Chris’ place, but summer and early fall should be OK. I’m sure I could find another place by November, anyway.
I can’t say I’m super-excited about moving, but I can accept it without too much unhappiness. And it’ll be nice to be able to bike around again. (I love my bicycle, but I rarely get to use it now. There’s no bike storage in my current place, and getting the bike in and out of the apartment is a royal pain in the rear end.) It’ll also be nice to tend a garden and pet the cat now and then.
Maastricht–Your elegant and inventive solution is, sadly, not workable in my particular situation. But I love the idea. And the furniture is super-cool!
Thanks for the update - sounds pretty promising. Now start planning what you might do with all the money you’ll save :).
Scribble, thanks for the update and congrats on making the move. Now that you’ve chosen, you’re sure to make the best of the new situation. And I think that a garden, an housemate ( with his own social network), a cat and a commute by bike are all things that are scientifically very likely to improve your wellbeing !
The next step is to build your own new community in the neighbourhood. If I were you, I’d make a couple flyers, disperse them around sympathetic looking houses in the neighborhood, and invite people to join your book club. That’s what I did when I wanted to find other parents on my block.
I held a housewarming party when I moved to my current location, and invited all the neighbors. That worked really well. I don’t know if that’s feasible as a tenant, but maybe Chris would supper the idea.