Inspired by this thread, I’m suddenly in the mood to write lots of bad haikus. Ahem
Rogue, Storm, Jean or
Is it Stryker Wolverine
Really wants from her?
Post your own haikus from movies you have recently seen. 5-7-5, you know the rules. If they rhyme badly like mine does, all the better!
.:Nichol:.
“Haiku?” said the Hulk.
“Puny humans annoy Hulk
with Haiku! Hulk BASH!”
Smiths multiply with
utter lack of reality.
Cheap-ass CGI.
Rugrats, Thornberrys
Kids dropped off at Cineplex
Oh, my sphincter aches
Truly unfunny:
Leila Ariceri clothed?
Screw Eddie Murphy.
I’m sure these painfully unfunny examples will only inspire better ones to come.
“LXG?” “The League?”
What does it matter, if you
ignore Alan Moore?
Ang Lee’s genius
Is undeniable, but the
Hulk still looks fakey.
I’ve seen X-Men 2
Three times now; I’m going to
See it again. BAMF!
Ooh, oh yeah, do it.
Yeah, right there baby, mmm yeah
Oh God. Yes! Yes! Yes!
What?
The film critic spits
On the wonder of CGI:He
sees not with his eye.
Naked woman writhes
Moaning, woman-heat rising
What was the question?
The Secretary
bends over the desk: two cheeks
In search of handprint
It’s all a story
Verbal Kent is a liar
He’s Keyzer Soze
Bruce is the new God
Uses power for own good
Boy, what a tough job
A series ruined
“Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones”
Vader whines a lot
“Rosebud,” says the man
A mystery unravelled
It’s a freakin’ sled
A twenty foot shark
What do you need to catch it?
Well, a bigger boat!
[Hitchcock edition]
Jimmy Stewart’s got
binoculars, Grace Kelly;
what more do you need?
Is that Cary Grant–
with a glass of “poisoned” milk–
walking up the stairs?
Seedy, odd motel;
odder man; but where is mom?
No shower for me
[/Hitchcock edition]
Enterprise rebuilt
Seemingly endless boredom
Odd-numbered Trek film
“I hate you, Jim Kirk!
I will have my revenge!” “KHAAAAAN!”
Oh crap! They killed Spock!
Katra? What’s katra?
Steal ship, trash ship, Spock returns.
Saw this coming, right?
Oops… killed all the whales.
Time warps fix most anything.
Saved Earth… (yawn)… again.
Can’t choose your brothers.
What does God need with a ship?
Row row row your boat.
Jeez… these folks are OLD!
Kirk meets girls even in jail?
Hey, I think that’s Worf!
Kirk is dead… or not.
Data’s on some major drugs.
Okay… NOW Kirk’s dead.
Borg on the rampage
Poor Data… ALMOST gets some!
But Picard kills her
“Fountain of youth” world
Whole crew make fools of themselves
Stock happy ending
Didn’t see last one
Gotten so that I don’t care.
Seems I’m not alone.
and is lead astray
has no long-term memory
Memento’s Lenny
I didn’t like it.
I won’t see it again.
The Mummy was shit.
Michael Moore: Blowhard.
Charlton Heston is a stooge.
But what else is new?
Gandalf Fights Balrog.
My chair kicked by screaming kids.
Good Movie Ruined.
Droogs on a rampage
Alex takes his medicine
Beethoven’s Ninth? Puke!
Sister? Daughter? Both!
Water is the key, Gittes.
Just Chinatown, Jake.
Alec Guinness works on bridge
singing dah dah- dah dah dah Dah Dah dah…
Rogue general dispatches planes, Doomsday comes, Mein Führer, I can walk!
[80s edition]
Skiing on one ski!
Do they have Christmas in France?
I want two dollars
Mom, I had a dream…
You’re safe now, back in good ol’
1955
You were a bluebird.
You were a brownie. You were
A Girl Scout Cookie
[/80s edition]
Sirens wail. He asks
“Are you loved up or are you
Just another Toad?”
Two thumbs up given
To Hollywood Homicide
Critics must take bribes