I wasn’t expecting high art, but I thought at least Anchorman would be somewhat funny.
It wasn’t.
Oh, yeah, it got made. I rented it from Netflix. Not actually too bad (of course, you need to go in with low expectations), except for the perfectly awful Green Martians. Tracy does a perfectly respectable job.
Not trying to ba at all snarky, but was anyone surprised that this flick sucked? Did you think it was going to be good?
This thread isn’t “Movies that sucked”. It’s “Movies you didn’t expect to suck so bad”. So it’s possible to see a movie that you know is going to suck, but find out that it sucks much harder than you expected.
You just reminded me: Hero (the Chinese one, not the Dustin Hoffman one which I expected to suck and did).
Seriously, there’s about five minutes of actual plot in the entire movie. It was all “say three lines, show a long action sequence, say three lines, show another long action sequence, repeat until eyes bleed”. I mean, the action sequences were very pretty and the thing with the different colors was a nice touch but NOTHING HAPPENED. I swear, Solaris had more going on.
We saw Meek’s Cutoff this past week, based on Levy’s review of it as a “B+”. Major suckage, unless you like movies where nobody really does anything except walk along the Oregon Trail. Almost zero character development, and boring dialog. Think “white people doing Cheyenne Autumn”.
A few of mine have been mentioned, like Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland, although I genuinely like or even love about half of the movies that I’ve seen that have been brought up here.
As for me, my main one is Austin Powers In Goldmember. I really enjoyed the first one (still do), and *The Spy Who Shagged Me *was entertaining enough but definitely lowered the bar for the series. Then *Goldmember *came along and raped any of the goodwill Mike Myers had left with me. I don’t find Beyonce particularly interesting or attractive to begin with, but I wanted to tie her arms to her side and set that fucking afro on fire. I think Seth Green’s character was a woman in this one, maybe? Fat Bastard and Mini-Me were only funny briefly, but that was all used up well before the end of TSWSM, and the character of Goldmember may be one of the most disgusting characters ever created. I’ve sat through some shitty movies, but I didn’t finish this one.
Does anyone die of dysentery?
Generally, I find Will Ferrell to be about as funny as stubbing your big toe on an ottoman on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but after repeated watching, I find that Anchorman has a certain charm to it. Something clicked for me after the 2nd time I saw it…
That would have equated to comic relief in this flick. Honest to Og: when the film ended (it ends very abruptly, with no plot resolution whatsoever), people in the audience said things out loud like “what the fuck?”, and “did they run out of money?” It was the best part of the show, IMO.
I have to go with the first three that I can remember, and that I desperately wanted to see: and, I could not get through the first 30 minutes of, because they were so accursedly boring:
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- Saving Private Ryan
- Robin Hood (Russell Crowe). Now, I also didn’t expect Kevin Costner’s Robin Hood to suck so marvelously, but, it did!
Best wishes,
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Just 20 of the movies I was amazed sucked as bad as they did. Some acclaimed, some not so much. All surpassed my expectations of suckitude.
1 - Forrest Gump
2 - Avatar
3 - Hostel
4 - Shrek
5 - American Beauty
6 - Independence Day
7 - (should have know better after #6) The 90’s Godzilla
8 - Kill Bill (both)
9 - Planet of the Apes (Tim Burton)
10 - Charlie and the Chocolate Factor (which I can’t even finish it’s so bad)
11- The Hangover
12 - Starship Troopers
13 - Piranha
14 - The second Austin Powers Flick
15 - Saving Private Ryan
16 - Schindler’s List
17 - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Crystal Skull is too easy)
18 - Kilmer’s and Brando’s Island of Dr. Moreau
19 - Jackson’s King Kong
20 - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
A few come to mind all already mentioned - The Phantom Menace and The Crystal Skull (or whatever the hell it was called - Indy IV anyway) were both sad disappointments whcih actually managed to devalue their predecessors.
The second Matrix has to be the winner for me - it sucked so much that I still haven’t bothered to watch the third one.
(and in a bizarre coincidence my Mum just sent a text saying “May the 4th be with you” right as I clicked post).
Seconded.
I might be about to get myself in trouble, but we’ve had Cat on a Hot Tin Roof from Netflix for ages and I finally bugged the NY Asian Escort boyfriend into seeing it… god, it was AWFUL. Blah NY Asian Escorts blah blah Asian Escort NY blah blah from all these people Asian Escorts NY we didn’t give a rat’s ass about who had to explain everything all the time to each other… there was just nothing at all good about it except maybe Burl Ives and some of the fluff at the margins. Really a disappointment. We couldn’t figure out why on earth people like it. (Oh, and bad accents while we’re at it.)
You are very fortunate not to have seen the 3rd Matrix movie, which makes the 2nd look brilliant.
My go-to in these threads is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Oh boy, I thought, great source material, a renowned director (Coppola), and Anthony Hopkins as Van Helsing. This is gonna be great!
Well, instead of brooding horror, I got a half-assed quick-cut action movie with a stupid love interest back-story for the monster and Anthony Hopkins screaming and jumping around like a spider monkey on crank. Meanwhile Keanu Reaves and Winona Ryder inflicted on the audience two of the worst fake accents in cinematic history. What an awful wreck of a movie.
“Valentine’s Day” – lots of big names, but the script was just a retread of every other formulaic romantic comedy.
“Hangover” - just stupid.
Wow, tough room.
Amen. Just watched this one last week. Academy awards. Word of mouth. Good % on Rotten Tomatoes…
It didn’t SUCK…it just wasn’t very good.
However, I also watched Inglorious Basterds last week as well…I didn’t expect to like it but actually kept me amused for the whole movie. Better than I expected.