I’ve moved a lot. First as a military brat, then as a military man, then as a father, then as divorcee then as, well you get the point. I’ve just finished moving yet again and I have advice for anybody thinking of engaging in the sport. Below I have listed the many ways I have made this the easiest mover ever!
Step One. Have Boys. This really worked out well despite no planning on my part. In the old days having children was needed because there were no remotes, I swear it’s true. Someone physically had to get up to change the channel, but with the advent of the remote, this source of labor for thankless tasks went untapped, until I put it to use. You’re quite welcome. There are tons of advantages.
They tire much less easily, more even they think it’s fun. Do you have any idea what a good entertainment center weighs? You’re old now, the young have to get their back injuries somehow, and this is a worthy cause. Also make sure you give the youngest child any breakable that you hate, but your spouse simply must keep. Should the spouse approach before the unfortunate mishap occurs, just ask if the really expensive china has been boxed. This method also allows for finding about odd placed stairs, low ceilings and other painful obstacles in your new place. Don’t worry they heal faster than we old folks too. Just think of it like this; you get a mostly free move and point intelligence in one swoop.
Step Two. Move really close. My move could be measured on a Football Field. This obviates many needless tasks such as boxing stuff up. It’s not like I have to hide my stuff from the neighbors, they’ve already seen my crap. It also cuts down on moving expenses such as renting a U-Haul, heck I didn’t even need my car, well except for that one time but I was feeling really lazy well lazier that day.
Step Three. Give yourself time to move. We had a week of access to both places. This has the advantage of letting you move small amounts of stuff all week; you’ll have the impression that you’re accomplishing something, without doing any real work. It’s a great feeling until that last day, when you realize you have 12 hours left, and have only moved some dishes and toys. Well every plan can’t work out.
Step Four. Enlist Friends. Preferably men friends, they’re easily bribed, just have beer around. Female friends are useful too but generally only for letting your wife now how much her you’ll have to spend to decorate the place properly. Anyway you’ll need friends because there is always something to heavy for kids to lift. There were only two things that fell in that category, but it was still work.
First there was the oak bookcase my wife bought me a few years ago; foolishly thinking I’d actually use it for that purpose. What do you think the floor is for woman? Anyway this thing weighs a much as a car, it’s too long and too wide; in other word absolutely perfect for smashing hands and toes. So after we finished swearing, we got right on it. We only dropped it twice, and Gerald hand should be fine in a couple of days.
The next item was the couch. Let me tell you bout this couch. It’s in my wife’s favorite color; blue. It has built in recliners on both ends, and in the middle a hidden serving platform with cup holders. This is an American couch, just perfect for letting your ass grow, while watching cable, or my personal favorite -sleeping to cable. Anyhow the fine features mentioned above make this couch uniquely hard to carry. We accidentally flipped it over; we dropped it, most of the time on my feet; Howie fell over it. We looked liked the three stooges, but we earned four bucks from some passing performance artist aficionados. Just in time too, we were out of Beer.
Last enjoy your new place, and more importantly remind your wife how she always wanted to decorate things her way and run like hell.
