Well it looks like I might well be moving from Lexington, KY to Seattle, WA or thereabouts. This may happen next month, it might happen next YEAR, but it will probably happen. I am not totally enamoured of the idea for reasons too numerous to name but mostly:
I just bought a house here in Lexington (last Nov)
I have a job here that I really like, and have kept for six years
My family is here and everyone I’ve known for the past 13 years are here.
However, I do admit that a change in scenery sounds nice and there are lots of jobs in the Seattle area and I could use this opportunity to go back to school and there are a lot of different kinds of opportunities for my kids (ages 2 and 5)…
Lexington is fairly small, and there’s a sense that everyone knows everyone, at least in the crowds I run with… And a lot of it drives me plain nuts, being in the crack of the ass of the bible belt, etc. but I find it hard to conceive of leaving.
Can someone who has made a cross country move reassure me that this is a good thing? Or, should I just chuck the idea?? Right now I’m just not sure what would be out there for me. Any suggestions?
I guess I should add that the reaon for me to be moving is that my friend has invited me to move out there with him, and even though we are currently together as a couple, it is not clear that we will continue to be so (though we will always have a good friendship, we’ve been together 10 years, long enough to realize the value of each other). This is complicated by the fact that my friend/partner is the father of my children, and we’d both love for him to have a part in their lives. He’s been job-hunting in the area, and once he gets a job, he’s gone and it’s my choice if I wanna go… which I kinda do, and I kinda don’t…
The first 14 years I was married we moved 12 times. I have loved moving for lots of reasons. After we’d lived in our current house 18 months I found myself scouting for a new home in the neighborhood.
There’s no reason not to try it, is there? If it doesn’t work you can move back. It doesn’t sound like your partner cares whether you go or not, which definitely doesn’t bode well for your relationship. However, your kids need both parents and if he’s leaving then for their sake I would give it a chance.
I’ve moved at least once a year for the last 17 years including to and from different countries. There is nothing to fear. Moving to a different country is a little harder but moving within the same country is easy. You’ll expand your universe of friends by meeting new people. You will probably expand your cultural horizons if you are moving from a small town in one area of the US to a large city in another area. Best advice I can give is to fit in with the local population. Do what they do, go where they go etc. They have been there longer than you so will know the best, and worst, side of wherever you move to.
Fujirica, maybe you should scout a bit there and see if YOU like it. Stay with him for a month or so and see if the new surroundings grow on you. It’s not like he HAS to move there. He is making a choice to move away. Not fair. I’d check it out first and if you don’t like it, you haven’t sold the house you love.
yeah I’ve definately been thinking that I won’t sell the house… I’d lose a ton of money if I did, that’s for sure.
Whether or not my partner cares if I move is a question we are both trying to answer. He SAYS he’d like me to go because, no matter what, we are friends and he thinks the change will do me good. And also because of the kids. And no, it’s not fair.
He is supposed to visit there sometime in the next couple weeks and do some job hunting, and then we are both planning to go out in September and check it out, do more job hunting, whatever. So I guess I don’t have to make a decision immediately. I just want to be able to move because I see the value in it, and right now moving just so the kids can have dad around seems kind of… forced.
Anyone from Seattle? Can you give me an idea of what’s out there?
I’m not from Seattle, but I’ve had two sisters live there. It’s a great, great place to live, as long as you can deal with frequent rain/drizzle. The rain is really the only downside. Other than that, it’s a cool city – beautiful, lots to do, nice people, etc.
Giraffe,
do you know anything about cost of living, etc? I’ve heard it’s fairly pricey to live there, although I understand the the pay is generally higher.
I wanna know I can maintain my current lifestyle without having to kill myself working… which I do here…
Seattle transplant here. There really is a lot to recommend this area. I’ve been here for over 12 years and, like most people here, I love it in the summer. The other 11 months got to me and Mr. 'Addi to such an extent that we moved out of the state twice, but here we still are.
When the weather is nice, there isn’t a place in the U.S. that is lovelier. Thanks to the relentless rain, it’s green, lush and gorgeous for most of the year. You’re between two mountain ranges, have Puget Sound right there and the coast is an hour or so away. The people are, for the most part, polite in a mind-your-own-business, aloof but not unfriendly sort of way. You’ll find great music, food, libraries, coffee and schools. You won’t find easy commutes, cheap housing, many sunny days or a job*.
Good luck to you, Fujerica. I’d really suggest coming out here first, if you can.
*Have to be honest, the economy here is terrible and unemployment is the 2nd highest in the U.S. A statistic that includes, unfortunately, me.
Sorry, I don’t have any real numbers for you. Having lived in the midwest recently, I can tell you that it’ll be significantly more expensive than Kentucky. However, I currently live in San Jose, CA, which is significantly more expensive than Seattle, so I’m afraid my perspective is all out of whack.
Jobs usually pay better in places with higher cost of living, although you may have to live in an apartment rather than a house. As for finding a job, I would definitely land a job before you move, what the economy being the way it is.
yeah, fortunately we are both totally clear on this point:
if HE is going to move out there, he’d better have a good job first. Just any old job won’t do, cause otherwise it won’t be worth the expense and heartache of packing everything up and going cross country. We both agree on that. So like I said, it might be a few months or even after the turn of the year.
And we are going out there soon to get a feel for the place. <sigh> there’s other factors here, but these are the ones that make a big difference to me.
thanks a lot for the input… keep it coming, please!
I moved cross country so my son could be with his dad. It was a huge mistake for me. I was still in love with him and had a hard time moving on (and watching him move on). Why has he zeroed in on Washington? Does he have family or friends there?
yeah I’m wondering if that would be a huge mistake for me, too. I really love this guy, and know that one way or another things are never going to be the same between us.
He might be wanting to move on, as it were… he’s just not sure what he’s feeling right now. Having been his spot before I can understand. I can even stick with it for a while… but I don’t wanna move out there just to watch him fall in love with someone else. That’s one big reason why I’m looking for my own reasons to go… something for me. Not just the kids, though they are an important consideration, and not just him, cause who knows?
Like I said before, we are really close friends, and even if he does move on, we’re both going to love each other… just not necessarily in the way that I might desire.
Have you ever moved? It’s not for everyone, but there are those of us who seem to thrive on it.
That said, having lived in Seattle many, many years ago, way before it was cool, and having lived near Lexington and visited, personally for me it would be a no-brainer. Seattle hands down. But it will have attendant big city problems which you’ll have to adjust to. Let’s just say the traffic might be a bit worse than the Blue Grass Parkway or Circle road. But you’ll never lack for a Starbucks, and your kids will be allowed to own shoes (sorry, couldn’t resist).
Fuj, honey, don’t make this move for him, or even for your kids. If you don’t already love the idea, don’t look to someone else to give you a reason to love it.
If he has no job, no family, and in short no reason to move out there, why is he going? And more importantly, why is he asking you to uproot your life and the lives of your kids? If he’s just got itchy feet, that’s his problem, not yours and not your children’s.
I’ve been there, done that, and have the UK vanity plate to prove it. It’s been a year since I packed up a huge, cheap apartment I liked a lot, quit a good-paying job I loved, and left every friend and relative I had in the world to be with my husband. I’d be lying if I said it had been anything even remotely resembling an easy year. Would I have done it if we hadn’t been getting married in a matter of months? No way in fucking hell. As it was, I spent a long, long time thinking it over before deciding to come along.
If your kids’ dad was married to someone else and moving to Seattle, would you still go so they could be with him? If you would, then start grabbing boxes and sorting clothes. If not, then let him have his rain and traffic and vile Starbucks slop.
you know, I hadn’t exactly thought of it that way before.
I’ll have to mull that one over…
Though I also have to consider this: If my best friend was moving out there (and we didn’t have kids or a romantic relationship, etc) and asked me to move out there as well, would I do it?
you know, I hadn’t exactly thought of it that way before.
I’ll have to mull that one over…
Though I also have to consider this: If my best friend was moving out there (and we didn’t have kids or a romantic relationship, etc) and asked me to move out there as well, would I do it?
Nothing in the way of “Should I move”, but here are some statistics on Seattle (which I love) that may be of interest. I don’t know how accurate this is, so take it with a saltlick:
I remember that somewhere on the site is a calculator that tell you what you’d need to make in order to maintain your similar lifestyle. It’s in there somewhere.
i once had a situation where i considered moving to a place where a guy lived. we were just friends, but i had developed more feelings. i could have moved to where he was just to see how things might work out, but i just couldn’t move to a new place for no other reason than a guy, especially one who seemed a bit ambivalent about me.
so, i decided to move to a city a few hours away. i was moving for me anyways, simply because i wanted a new life, change of scenery etc. the place i moved to happened to be seattle, which is beautiful. the rain isn’t that dreary kind of depressing rain but more misty and comforting (although it could just be related to my state of mind at the time!) there’s tons of culture and arts there. it’s really a nice place. but–if you weren’t really thinking of moving until your friend decided to…
well, i think crazycatlady has given you good things to think about. do you like where you are living now? if you are kind of inclined to move somewhere, maybe you can check out portland. Portland’s nice too, and then you can have your own life while being close enough to your friend so there can be visits, but far away enough for space and own lives. but that’s only to consider if you really want to move, and if the kids want to move.
Quinoa-
wow, you know I have been thinking about moving to Portland for 2 years now. I have a couple of friends that live there and they’ve been trying their damndest to get me out there for like… forever. And my friend <ahem> didn’t want to go! But I have definately been reconsidering it lately… it would be close eough that he could see me and the kids whenever it worked out that way.
I do like living in Lexington cause it’s a pretty easy place to live. I mean, little traffic, I have a reasonably good job, I own a house… but I have been wanting to get a change of scenery for some time. I just never had the kick in the pants needed to up and split. Plus, now there’s this house, and I put a lot of time and energy and money into actualy getting it… so… if I go I’m going to have to rent it out or something.
I think the biggest determining factor is where my friend and I are when the time arises. If we are still together and want to stay together (might happen) then I’ll go to Seattle… but if we’re not together but still want to be close (the only other “acceptable” alternative), then I’ll probably consider Portland… and if we can’t stand each other I’ll probably just stay here and let him deal with seeing the kids <sigh> I don’t think it’ll come to that, but it’s always a possibility.
