Mr. Hitchhiker, if you really want a ride you might rethink your look.

Most people are loathe to pick up hitchhikers for the obvious reason that you never know who it is you’ll be picking up. Nonetheless, there are some of us that will on occasion feel a certain pang of guilt on a hot day and pick people up. Because traffic moves so fast you only have a split-second to decide. With that in mind, here’s what I would call an appropriate “dress code”, as it were:

  1. A neat haircut.

  2. Shaved, or at least neatly trimmed.

  3. Some relatively clean clothes, preferably not with images of naked women, beer companies, or Harley-Davidson advertisements.

The reason why I say this is because for some reason the hitchhikers are out in force where I live, and almost without exception they look like the stereotypical straight-out-of-a-Hollywood-movie douchebag bike gang member. You know, the renegade serial killer mad-dog criminal type. Long, filthy hair, enormous beer gut, filthy clothes, full unkempt beard, stuff that generally causes people to avoid you under any circumstances, let alone when you’re hitchhiking. If you look innocent, people will think that you are innocent and will be more inclined to help you.

This is only a suggestion, of course. Who am I to tell people how to dress, or what to look like? I’m only the guy among thousands that you might have a chance to get a ride from, and if you look like that you’ll still be waiting long after I’m gone. Sorry, but if you look psycho, under the circumstances I’m sure you’ll forgive me if I think you are psycho and take a pass. You catch more flies with honey than garbage, if you know what I mean.

If you want to hitch-hike, at least start walking in the direction you want to go. You might not get picked up ever, and at least you’ll get a head start.

Make sure you have a towel.

Does a persons weight really affect their chances at hitchhiking? :confused:

This is such a strange pitting, too. It’s kind of weird that you care so much about the outward appearence of strangers, especially those which you don’t interact with. Meh.

I do agree that more people should practice, y’know, basic hygiene, but it’s their choice not to so… whatever.

Yes, yes. Lord knows on the Straight Dope we can never dare to mention appearance. Wont someone think of the children!? :rolleyes:

I’m not the OP, but I’m fairly certain he was just using that description to show us that most of the hitchhikers seem to be the stereotypical biker guy. Do you watch the Simpsons? Did you see the episode where the “Hells Devils” from Bakersfield (woo!) came through Springfield? Their leader was a big guy, burly, unshaven, dirty, with a huge beer gut that was only covered by his Harley Tee and leather. Do you find the stereotype on the Simspons strange, too?

Yep, for several reasons. Small car, too much mass to fight off easily, etc. I’m much more likely to give a ride to someone who isn’t built like a grizzly. As a hitcher, you are putting yourself on display and inviting snap judgments based on your appearance. Look like a smaeely biker and you better like walking.

Smaeely: What you get when you try to touch-type and drink a beer at the same time. :smack:

A dress code for hitchhikers. You got some scary ideas, Dave.

Also, you might misunderstand, you seem to think that the hitchhiker expects a ride from you. Don’t take it so personal. When I was a younger fool, and hitchhiked in full freak regalia, I wasn’t expecting to be picked up by most folks. 90% of the cars were right out! But there were sympathetic folks out there, sooner or later you’d catch a ride. And a buzz, and a good chance at a meal.

Besides, how many guys who meet your standards have to hitchhike, anyway?

Dress code for female hitchhikers? (This should be interesting…)

Well I guess being fat AND having a beard I’m screwed. Good thing I have my own ride. :slight_smile:

You, too? Ah, the good ol’ days! Peace, man.

But I wear a flattop – there’s a point in my favor :cool:

What? You had tickets to Hootie?

Sky’s the limit would be my guess :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m guessing that I’m a few years older than you, amigo. :slight_smile:

I shudder thinking back on some of the dumb things we did back in the day.

Jumpin’ Johnny?! Is that you? Man, what did they do to you?

By the way, those brown barrels you sold me? Karma’s really out of balance on that one, brother.

:confused:

If they could afford to clean up and dress up nice, would they really be hitchiking?

A few weeks ago, I saw a group of eight people attempting to hitchhike at once. They were all dressed as the OP mentions, but the best part was that there were eight of them in a group. Was I supposed to come back for the other four? Were they hoping for a minibus? I mean really. Eight. WTF.

When you hitchhike, you dress like the folks you think might pick you up.

A shirt and tie, with a fresh shave? That guy ain’t pickin’ you up, dude! Mrs. Priss, with the SUV will think to herself, “My, that young man looks nice, and respectable! He’ll get a ride real soon now.”

Shirt with a hole in it, and ragged ass jeans? Yeah, that guy picks up hikers.

Biker gear, with a tatoo? Yep, if you got a local biker population, go for it. In Michigan’s UP, maybe not so much.

Work boots, and a tee shirt, with a worn out jacket? Yep, the guy in the pickup truck is goin’ your way!

Me, I pick up everyone who I can safely stop and get. I won’t risk any lives, though. I have done the whole deal, but now I drive, so, welcome aboard.

Tris

A shower and a washing machine at a truck stop costs $10, tops. Considering how it’s wall to wall truck stops where I live it’s not too hard to put two and two together.