Well, we don’t know if the OP’s Mum gives him those sorts of guilt trips and manipulations, do we? If she does, he doesn’t seem to consider that behavior pitworthy, because he hasn’t mentioned it. All he’s mentioned is her making too much food available to him, as though him eating more than he wants is entirely her fault.
Frankly, that’s crap. It’s avoiding the real issue, whether that issue is that she’s a manipulative bitch, or that he has no self-control when it comes to food, or that he’s young and hasn’t yet figured out how to set effective boundaries on their relationship. It’s also avoiding responsibility for his own actions. Manipulation and guilt or not, food issues or not, boundary issues or not, picking up his fork after he’s full is his choice.
Believe me, I know all about parental guilt. My family invented the “I just wanted to make sure you were still alive” phone call, and the “Oh, and I made that because it’s your favorite” dinner speech. It’s hard. It’s damned hard. But it doesn’t take away my free will. I am the only one with control over my actions, and if I eat that third helping of Grandma’s special stuffing, I’m the only one responsible.
Pit the manipulation if it exists. Pit the fact that it’s so damned hard to say no. Pit the food issues or relationship issues that make you keep eating when you’re no longer hungry. But don’t blame it on the fact that food is available. That’s just horseshit.
Er, CrazyCatLady you’re taking this a little to seriously.
My parental Gulit issues are with my father. I love my mum (and my dad) If anything I get no guilt from my mum.
Mum, I love you dearly. You and I both know I have Spina Bifida with various associated complications. I also have Diabetes with various associated complications.
So PLEASE, for the love of God, when I mention I’m not feeling too well … STOP telling me to clutch a piece of amethyst and go get some “healing” on the Internet. And no, I don’t think Linda your “guru” would be able to help at all. :rolleyes:
Mom, thanks for being the most pathologically selfish and solipsistic human being. Thank you for kicking me out of the house at 11 because you were convinced I’d grow into a man like your husband the wifebeater. Thanks for spending the rest of my childhood sipping vodka and quietly crying and telling your children that they are the reason your life is so miserable. Thank you for not learning from your mistakes and getting defensive when I suggested your experience might be helpful to my sister when she began exhibiting some of the same patterns. Thanks for getting pregnant with a horrible man just because you hated your own mother and wanted to hurt her; the best reason I can think of for having kids. Thanks for making it clear for every day of our lives how much you regretted having children and how awful each of your four children were. And thank you for finally becoming so hateful and hopeless that I gave up on you and divorced myself from you; these recent few years as an orphan have been great.
That’s gotta hurt ! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I have had issues with a stepmother, but at least I had a memory of a loving and mature mother. I hope this opportunity to vent helped.
Mama, being on birth control does not mean that I will run out every weekend and drunkenly sleep with any person possessing the requisite sticky-out bits. You’ve known me for twenty years – lord, you even raised me. What makes you think that as soon as I’m out of your sight, I’ll start playing musical beds? What makes you think that I’d do something so irresponsible as having unprotected sex? I see this as you being unable to trust me and I don’t understand why.
ARGH. There is nothing so convoluted and irrational as the ties between a mother and her daughter, especially when it comes to reproduction.
Mom, seriously, stop crying. I’m going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen to me. You raised a good son, he may not be able to spell or use “proper english” but overall, you did the best you could with the situation that you were handed. Just trust everything is going to turn out right. So, stop crying, you’re making me feel bad.
I was going to say that anyone, anytime, anywhere can pit my mother if they like, whether they know her or not. I don’t mind them living through me vicariously. But after reading what lissener wrote, I think I’ll leave the driving to him. Can’t imagine it being said any better than that.
My condolences and as someone who just started her ‘divorce’ from said mother a little over a year ago, orphaned life ain’t that bad after all. 'Specially when you have Mrs. White (as in Carrie) as your guiding force in life. Ewww!
Lobsang, is there any particular reason why you still live at home? From what I recall, you’re about 25, employed and you seem intelligent enough so what’s going on?
I’m not producing grandchildren within the next 3 years, at least. I promise. Quit asking.
STFU about my love life (read - potential grandchildren). I’m not your barnyard stud.
Oh, I gave up on Jesus and all that about 2 years ago. I’m too chickenshit to tell you to your face. I’d rather hear about my lack of people-producing activity.
Ma, I love you, but you need to make a few changes.
i) Get a job. Keep it this time. The reasons you keep losing them may be explained by some following advice.
ii) Put the bottle down. Drinking yourself into a stupor every night (with a three year old under your care, no less) will not ‘make it all go away.’
iii) Lose the cigarettes. You have congestive heart failure, just in case your troupe of doctors hasn’t made that clear enough.
iv) A third mortgage will NOT help you with your financial troubles. My 21 year old sister doesn’t need to be paying your mortgage(s), phone bill, light bill, water bill, car insurance, etc.
v) Stop making my sister feel guilty for wanting to be out on her own. She’s 21, with a daughter and a life of her own. She takes care of the household, so quit making out like she couldn’t deal without you. You both would be better off on your own. That way, you don’t drag so many people down when you get depressed, fall into a wine bottle, lose your job, and take crazy chances with your money.
I moved to this Island a few years ago and it was convenient at the time to stay at my mother’s house. House prices here are very high and I haven’t got around to doing anything about it.
monstro , are you sure you are not my long lost daughter (or son)? My daughter has given me a very similar lecture, especially the part about, in her words “you and daddy eat waaaay too late, you never ate that late when I was still home…what’s wrong with you, don’t you know that’s really bad for your health? I try to make it a rule not to eat anything after 7PM and if I miss dinner, then I just miss dinner!”
I know she does it 'cause she loves us and I am sure your mom knows the same…and you guys are the best reason for us to ‘keep our act together.’
I do wonder, though, where she got that self-control about not eating at night thingy
Considering that you and Dad are so concerned for my safety that you ask me to call after making the 20 minute drive home from your house, hate the thought of my going to laundromats or the mall by myself, and (fill-in-the-blank with your favorite Jewish parent cliche of choice), please do not give out my personal information to STRANGERS without clearing it with ME FIRST!
How nice that you ran into Random High School Girl in the diner. However, I have not seen her in nearly 20 years. Once we were out of elementary school, we didn’t run in the same circles, and I would not consider her a friend. I can’t think of a single thing I’d like to say to her. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU GIVE HER MY HOME PHONE NUMBER???
And I’m glad my aunt had a nice time on her Alaskan cruise. She doesn’t get out much, I care about what happens to her, and want to see her happy. But when she sits at the same table as some guy who’s in the same field as I am, and happens to live in NY, why do you see no problem with HER giving him my HOME PHONE NUMBER???
Hello, stalking? Identity theft? Anyone?
Me: “I really wish people wouldn’t give out my personal information to strangers without my permission.”
Mom: “She’s not a stranger, you know!”
Me: “Yes, but Random Guy on the Cruise is!”
Take their phone number, and I’ll get in contact with them should I so choose. It’s not that difficult.
Ma, I know you hate it when Dad loudly slurps his soup. But you do the same thing too! And you also chew with your mouth open while simultaneously chiding us for doing the same (or at least when we were younger and had no manners…). But other than that, you’re pretty okay.
I know she does it 'cause she loves us and I am sure your mom knows the same…and you guys are the best reason for us to ‘keep our act together.’
