Like warm pus oozing from the fetid wound that is our national pride, the Evil One slides once again across the headlines.
You know of whom I speak in hushed voice. Sayeth not the name, lest you be wrapped in remainder carpet and dumped at Fort Marcy, enshrouded in your semen-stained clothing .
He is returned, more dangerous than ever. Oh yes, far more dangerous than ever. For now he assumes the guise of a sage, wizened craftsman, a man of, shall we say, unimpeachable character.
Avert your eyes! But you cannot. You are drawn to the sickening-sweet fetor of charisma, competence, and humanity, still familiar to a nose now runny with carbon emissions. You must not click the link! But temptation compels you.
Gaze into the eyes of a creature so malignant that he is known to have inserted a foreign object into the most sacred of orifices. He defiled the American way by attempting to name his own successor, and forever violated the sanctity of the electoral process by placing his vote for a Democrat into a ballot box.
It is likely that vote was even counted.
Now, like the winged demon atop Bald Mountain, he spreads his filthy wings again, unassailable within his cleverly selected Dogpatch, the Bastion-Which-Cannot-Be-Assailed-Because-It-Involves-Black-People-And-We-Can’t-Be-Pissing-Them-Off-Just-Before-We-Pull-The-Plug-On-Affirmative-Action.
Even the New Black Panthers spit their contempt for the wraith, and yet, strangely, they tolerate his presence, as if they cannot sense the warm glow of compassion which fills the coffers of our new, great, administration.
We have no idea what scourge the Evil One might bring upon us in his capacity as a retired statesman. In the long history of America, there are only two ex-Presidents. Our first and greatest awaits legalization of medical treatment with stem cells taken from patriotic, faith-based, voluntary embryos. He will return to the throne one day. The second one is busy running the country. There’s some other guy who builds houses now, but he was Before America.
Let us remain eternally angry that the greatest era in the history of America had to come and go whilst in the custody of a monster so clearly undeserving of any credit whatsoever. Keep one eye on the Evil One. He is perched again, monkey-like, upon your back.
Ahem. Excuse me, folks. I’m just feeling a little bit nostalgic now that one of my favorite posters appears to have gone by the wayside. May this message warm his heart.
