What music would you commemorate a loved one’s death with?
Both my parents are alive and will probably be well for many years, but I have somehow come to the conclusion that a Skip James blues tune would be the perfect parting music for my father, and that Stevie Ray Vaughn’s Life by the Drop would be the same for my mother.
My brothers and me still say that at Dad’s funeral we should have played “Navarra siempre p’alante” (something like “always forward, Navarra!”, sort of a call to arms) or “no te vayas de Navarra” (“don’t ever leave Navarra”, it’s a very sad love song). The first one is the song he’d play over and over and ooooover whenever things were going downhill at work.
But Mom (not Navarrese) would probably have had an extreme reaction to either, so instead I spoke to the priest just before the funeral and asked him to sing the Salve at the closing. This is usually done on Saturdays only. Dad was very devout of Our Lady and he liked that song (it was one of the songs he’d hum when he was doing Manly Stuff like hang pictures; Adeste Fideles too but this wasn’t Christmas time and, again, we didn’t want to cause a maternal breakdown).
For Mom I think I’ll just ask the chorus to pick the fastest tempos they have and FFS not slow it down just because it happens to be a funeral. You see: people from Navarra tend to sing faster than others. As a lady from a neighboring area once told me “honey, you guys would sing White Christmas like it was a call to arms, and I say that with all my love because both my boyfriend who died in the war and my dear departed husband were Navarrese, I like you guys.” OTOH, people from Mom’s homeland sing eeeeeeeveeeeeeeryyyyythiiiiiiiiing like it was a funeral procession. No: they sing it slower. You hear the same song sung in both places, it sounds like a different one. So, fast tempos for the woman from the “sing slow” place who moved to the “sing fast” place for love.
why do people find it necessary to play music at all?
I buried my wife and my father recently (not at the same time)
We had a simple graveside service where a friend who is a minister said a few words of comfort and related his experience with them. Another friend with a beautiful voice sang a song they both liked.
We let a few friends and family members get up and speak. Said a final prayer and done.
My family decided sevaral years ago against the big show made at funerals. The wakes and prolonged ceremonies, endless music/songs and prayers, the parade around the body and then take it on the road.
We keep short and intimate. Many people were very impressed at the two services I just mentioned. In dad’s case we had the funeral at 10am. It was just too hot for a long drawn out ordeal.
The idea of music at a funeral just doesn’t work for me anymore.
BTW I used to live in New Orleans. It’s not like I don’t have some experience w/the idea.
Maybe I’ve just buried too many people lately.
We played polka at my great-great-aunt’s funeral. It’s what she liked.
jim, I don’t think it’s necessarily important to play music at a funeral. Both my parents are big fans of music, which must be how I thought of it. Not playing music can be just as powerful.
The huge bummer is having to pick a person’s funeral music when you hate their taste in music. I’ve had to do that twice. It really sucked.
My mother wants “What A Wonderul World” played at her funeral. I think it’s appropriate.
Um, Kalhoun? I think you need to reprioritize if the worst part of a funeral for you is the music. Maybe you should be more concerned about the deceased? Just a thought.
… Although when I think about, why the hell would the dead person care what’s played? I plan to play “Man Of The Hour” at my Dad’s funeral even if he’s never heard the song. It’s right for ME. (P.S. My father isn’t close to dying or anything, I just really like the song.)
I’ve read her post three times now, and I can’t find where she said it was the worst part of the funeral. I think she meant that as far as music is concerned – which is, after all, the topic of discussion – the worst thing is to have the responsibility of picking out appropriate music in a genre you don’t even personally like. So maybe you’d like to read other people’s posts with a bit more charity, and respond with a little less condescension? Just a thought.
I can’t even begin to think of what music I’d play at my parents’ funerals – even thinking about it is upsetting. But I know what I want played at mine: Sand and Water by Beth Nielson Chapman and For Good from the musical Wicked.
I don’t know where you got that, but in reading your last paragraph, you’d probably want to take a little of your own advice.
And for the record, I don’t do funerals for the deceased. I do them for the living, and only if I have to. There’ll be no funeral for Kalhoun.
For the hubby, The Washing of the Water by Peter Gabriel (I think that’s the name of it), plus Many Rivers to Cross by Jimmy Cliff.
For my dad, a choir sining the Lacrymosa movement of Mozart’s Requiem.
For my brother, probably Sting and the Chieftains doing Mo Ghile Mear, especially this bit-
Grief and pain are all I know
My heart is sore, My tears a’flow
Since o’er the seas we saw him go
No word we know to ease our woe
A proud and gallant chevalier
A highland lion of gentle mien
A fiery blade engaged to reap
He’d break the bravest in the field
Come sing his praise as sweet harps play
And proudly toast his noble name
As long as blood flows in your veins
So wish him strength and length of day
That would be a choir “singing”…
Grrrrrrr.
I am sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have had a rough time of it lately.
{{{{jimbeam}}}}
To be fair, as you stated, the funeral is not for the deceased. Perhaps your loved ones will need the closure a funeral brings.
Since I move all the wedding music threads to Cafe Society, I think I should move this one too.
Moved from IMHO to CS.
Still Crazy After All These Years
Happy Trails to You
Great Gig in the Sky
Spirit in the Sky
Blackbird
If it’s for a child, have you ever heard Will Kimbrough’s rendition of “Goodnight Moon”?
For most anybody else, an instrumental of Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven.”
“Always look on the briiiiight side of life, dee doo, dee doo dee doo dee doo…”
In all seriousness, I think my mum would like her ashes to be commemorated with something quiet and sweet–a low, easy jazz song, maybe, or a soft blues song. I don’t think my dad would like music, but whatever he wants.
You’re right, everybody’s different, I’ve already filled out a “form” or directors list regarding my burial and/or funeral services when the time comes. It’s a difficult thing for a family to deal with and I think pre-arranging this myself is the way to go. I gave a copy to my “executor” and have a copy in my files and one in my bible.
thanks newcrasher you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you the whole story, yeah it’s been a tough time
Funerals are indeed for the living. When we buried my dad, his mom, my grandmother, was still living, and her idea of how to hold a funeral did not exactly mirror my mother’s version. But she did like the music: Bach’s Air on a G String.
(Dad loved Bach.)
My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly. We probably had music, but I can’t remember what it was.
When I check out, I hope my kids and other survivors do a lot of eating and drinking and perhaps Warren Zevon’s Keep Me In Your Heart would not go amiss, as well as the Grateful Dead’s Box of Rain.
Nah. We’re not funeral people. The body gets shipped off to the anatomical gift society and my ashes will be popped into a hole in the yard with a tree tossed on top.