Anyone outside the Isle of Man might know them as ‘Seagul’ but they are Seaguls only in name. They are about twice as big as your average everywhere-else seagul, and their droppings could be used as a heat shield on the space shuttle… It’s that HARD.
Seriously - Bring the shuttle to the Isle of Man, and place it upside-down under the trees at the bottom of my road (but let us know first, so we can move our cars)
Anyone got any tips for removing mutant nuclear albatross poo?
Bloody shite hawks.
Soak a rag in hot water and washing up liquid and leave it on the poo patch for half an hour or so - if it’s a warm day, you might have to re-wet the rag. This should soak the offending gunk enough to soften it for removal.
I’ll give it a try, as soon as I can detach myself from the computer.
They poo’d on your computer too !?!? :eek:
“Sir, the poo is ready for reentry.”
If the hot water doesn’t do it, try Poop-Off.
Coat it with liquid soap, then place a damp rag over it. Leave for a couple hours. By Friday evening it should be ready to snort. Mutant nuclear albatross poo can result in an all weekend buzz. Not to be used as a suppository.
Just be ready to spread it around evenly when it arrives. Pretty soon you will have a car that is tougher than KITT.
Kent Brockman:…and the astronauts were promptly placed in quarantine until the smell of burning albatross dung could be washed off. NASA says they should be released within six weeks.
I’m surprised no one has said this …
Mutant Nuclear Albatross … BAND NAME!
And since this is the pit, there is no such thing as a Seagul[sic]. They are Gulls. They can be Laughing Gulls, Herring Gulls, Great Black Backed Gulls, etc. But no Seagulls or “C-Gulls”. No B-Gulls, D-Gulls or even E-Gulls … wait, nevermind that last one.
I’d put a wad of wet paper towels on it to soften up. If waiting is out of the question on oxy/acetylene torch should do the trick.
Man, you can find everything on the internet!
Mutant nuclear albatross poo?
Lasers. Definitely lasers.
Death Rays? 1920’s style perhaps?
You should be happy these birds only defecate on your car.
In South American waters during a WWI naval battle between the British and Germans, albatrosses were said to have attacked shipwrecked sailors in the water, in addition to going after dead bodies.
We’re talking mean birds. 
I am a native speaker of English, and I can assure you that there are indeed seagulls. I’ve seen them. We commoners use the word as a collective name for some or all of those white, sea-going squawk birds that are not terns or geese or something. If you’re going to argue that there is no seagull that could not be more precisely described by herring gull, laughing gull, etc., well, I’m with you, but to say that there’s no such thing as a seagull is stupid. (And yes, I agree that “gull” is a better term than “seagull” for the generic, but there’s a lot of things I’d change about the language were I in charge.)
Method #873 of How to Annoy Your Wife: point to a seagull and say slowly and wisely, “See? Gull!” 
I beg to differ. A-gulls are similar to E-gulls, but in Ireland. And there certainly were B-gulls; how else could Snoopy have shot down the Red Baron?
Are there heguls and sheguls?
Next you’ll be telling me women suffering from urinary incontinence could derive benefit in some weird sort of way from K-gulls.