My 15 Year-Old Daughter Just Told Me She’s BiSexual
So?
So? SO???
So, I gotta run to the Straight Dope Message Board, create a new account and tell everybody about it, THAT’S what “so”!
Love that girl, just as she is. At 16 she is still exploring options.
It would almost be criminal to remove her from a school she is succeeding at.
I have raised 3 kids, youngest is in college now. Between 16 and 18 many things can change. And so on, etc.
Do what you have to do to accept her as she is. You can’t change it anyway. So accept it. It could be so much worse. Drug use, disease, eating disorder, depression, slutty, runaway, on and on and on. Count your blessings.
She didn’t say she’s gay. She said she thinks she’s bi. Personally, I think that’s an advantage…it doubles one’s chances of finding the right one. (Only half joking. OK, maybe two thirds. :))
Sounds like you come from a bit of a conservative background. Just realize that she more than likely hasn’t. And let her find her way, giving her a little advice along the way. Advice, not ultimata. Or judgment.
Pretty much this. Plus:
What’s wrong with being bi-sexual and why is this a problem that needs to be fixed? 
Support her and let her find her own way is my advice, FWIW. And, just as an aside I have a son that went through the bi-sexual phase before coming down on the homosexual side with a very stable partner who is a great kid.
I have two daughters, but they’re quite young, approx 4 and 2. So this is not something that I think actively about. However, imaganing myself in that future situation when one of them tells me this, I would 100% honestly be BFD. That’s for them to figure out and, honestly, none of my business. (I mean, sure my business in the sense that I’m there for them and will be there for them if they’re confused and trying to figure things out, but not my business in the sense of pushing them one way or another as for whom to love and be attracted to.) I would support them unconditionally, absolutely, not even a question.
I have no kids but if I did I would be you can love whoever you want but you can’t date anybody! Until you’re thirty!
Yeah, there are two types of people who lie about being bisexual. There are the straight kids who say they’re bi because it’s cool and edgy. Then there are the gay kids who say they’re bi to ease people into it.
Then there are the people who say they’re bi because they’re bi.
I want to clarify this. Were the tears because you were thrown a parenting curve and just didn’t know how to deal with it, or were the tears because OMG my little girl is amenable to girl/girl action? The kinds of responses you get from this board really depend on what you meant. I have 2 daughters, they both got sexual before I was mentally ready for it. It’s tough to accept, but it happens no matter how badly you want them to stay hooked on Sesame Street and The Lion King. Put another way, would you really be any less off-balance if she had been talking about the stuff she was doing to some dude’s Johnson?
I get it that Catholicism and homosexuality (however noncommittal) are incompatible, and if you’re a true believer then the source of your concern is fairly obvious. I’d suggest getting spiritual advise from your church, and limiting your exploits here to parenting advice and learning how to accept without judgment–and yeah, I get the irony of that because The Dope in general judges the fuck out of 'phobes. It’s complicated. But I agree, Superdude nailed it in the first response.
The worst thing you can do is lose your cool:
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Angel hat on: keeping calm with your daughter and letting her examine her sexuality on her own terms will build trust. As a Catholic, you know she can always hit the confessional if she decides this was all a mistake and she prefers to cleave to church doctrine on the matter
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Devil hat on: If you were confident Bi/Homo is wrong, unnatural, and against God then you would also be confident she will ‘come around’ in time, confess, and move on with the resolve to avoid womanizing in the future. But freaking out suggests you are less than confident this will be the case, that she is morally and spiritually weak enough to be led away for good from The Right Way.
This post sounds as absurd to me as if someone had written “My 15 Year-Old Daughter Just Told Me She likes both Coke and Pepsi -HELP!”.
If you are concerned/alarmed/saddened by the idea that your daughter could have romantic love for both sexes, then (as the kids say) ‘that’s a you problem’. You have had an irrational response to an innocuous piece of information.
Your daughter doesn’t need help, she is fine. However, you may need some help, so I would recommend counselling to try to determine why it is that you have this response to the concept of bisexuality.
Let me ask you this: What would your response be if your daughter told you she were heterosexual? Is there any reason why your response should be any different?
My kid doesn’t talk to me at all. If he was on fire, I wouldn’t know until I smelled the smoke. Count your blessings.
And so desperate for help that she posts and leaves without waiting for a single answer.
I’d highly recommend you relax and just support your kid, even if you think it’s just a phase or whatever you think it is, assuming you don’t believe she knows how she feels. I was about her age when I came out to my mom, she adamantly refused to believe me when I told her I had a date with a girl, and I’ve very rarely spoken to her about my relationships since then. The only reason she knows I’m in an unconventional relationship now is that something came up to make it necessary to tell her, and several years later she’s still noticeably uncomfortable whenever it comes up. It’s a shitty feeling to know my mom is not happy about who I am.
Your daughter is still your daughter. You becoming aware of what/who she likes does not change that.
Also her age makes a lot of sense for figuring out you’re bisexual. We live in a very hetero-normative world, where you know you’re “supposed” to like the opposite sex, so that’s not really noteworthy, but it can take longer to realize you also like those cute girls (or boys) in the same way. Liking both can take a little time to wrap your head around. There’s a significant increase in homosexual exposure and kids have more and more examples to relate to, but bisexuals and asexuals are still in a weird closeted space for various reasons.
She’s 15, you really don’t need to think about it any deeper than that. At that age there’s a better than average chance that hormones are asserting themselves and she’s experimenting sexually and it is perfectly normal for part of that to be same-sex. Don’t fret about it, support her. This is 2018 and it is no big deal. She’ll work it out for herself and she’ll have an easier time doing so if you don’t make a fuss about it.
In any case you can’t “turn her straight” and the school won’t “make” her gay or bi so any actions you take are doomed to failure and you could end up with a daughter who remains stubbornly gay or bi and thoroughly pissed off at being pulled from a school she likes.
Chill, she actually did talk to you about it. You should be immensely proud that she did. Now just go and hug her and tell that it was a shock but that you don’t care and whenever she needs to talk she can.
She said that she thought you might judge her, it would be such a shame if you proved her right.
Aw, c’mon. What are the chances that a brand new account posting a story with a lot of details about the sexuality of a teenage girl and asking for opinions in a way guaranteed to rile people up–what are the chances that that would be less than sincere?
So cynical, Dopers are. So cynical.
More people like your daughter would make the world a better place.
Is she bi? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, the best support you can give is to shrug and say, “OK. Pass the peas, please. I love you.”
OMgosh, you are so right, thanks for your kind advise.
Congratulations on your daughter. Sounds like she’s got her feet under her.
Love it, thank you!