My 16yo son ignored Mother's Day.

Missed the edit window. BTW, I wouldn’t equate “good kid” at 16 with “doesn’t have sex”. Most 16 year old guys in the US have had sex. They’re not all 'bad kids".

Sit him down and tell him how blessed he is and that to celebrate it you’ve donated his college fund and inheritance to Jehovah’s Witnesses.

My husband has always been the “point” person for Mom-significant holidays. He has always nudged, reminded, and helped out with the shopping for Christmas, birthdays, and Mother’s Day. The oldest two are out of the house, now, busy with lives of their own, and we just have our 13-year old at home.

This morning I got scrambled eggs (made by the 13 year-old) and a card signed by him. I have no illusions about that fact that my husband pretty much was the scaffold for that whole thing. He did the same for the older two, and now, they can do it on their own, if somewhat less elaborate. I know he used to remind them to call and about upcoming events.

In addition to my scrambled eggs I got:
-A text from my eldest son’s girlfriend’s phone that said: “Lost my phone, Mom! I’ll call you when I find it, happy mother’s day, I love you.” He did call a few minutes ago.
-A phone call from my middle son (living on base at McGuire) saying Hey, Happy Mother’s Day and OMG! I just saw the new Avengers movie and it was great, which continued into a half hour phone call about Marvel’s plan, the summer movie line-up, and possible visits home.

Both those interactions were typical for their personalities, so I assume they’ve internalized the lessons from my husband and are functioning on their own, now.

What other posters have said about modeling that behavior is spot on. My husband has been an excellent model, and I really liked the idea one poster had about you and your spouse taking turns being the “Model Occasion Observer” for this day. Teenage boys can be the worst, but with some molding and prodding, can turn out to be the best! I still cry when I recall the first Mother’s Day gift I got from my eldest that was completely of his creation - a bedraggled bouquet from Kroger and a giant cup of ice from Sonic because he “knew that was my favorite thing about going to Sonic was their crunchy ice, so now I can have some for all day”.

When I was 15-16, the way I remembered Mother’s day is that, on mother’s day, my dad would bring me a card he bought and say, “It’s Mother’s day. Sign this card for your mother.” I would, and then he’d give it to me to give to her. If you didn’t do that this year, you might want to try it next year.

I don’t know, I think you are being a little overly defensive about the gay thing. As others have mentioned, dad usually reminds the kids about mother’s day. In your family Mom is reminding son about mother’s day. Surely you see the different dynamic there. In your hiusehold it’s basically Parent’s Day and you parents are telling him "don’t forget to show how much you love us ttomorrow! ".

Signed,
Not a bigot.

Well maybe you should put yourself in his shoes. Does he have a Dad? I’m sorry but your 2 women, like it or not and you look at the world as women.

Sorry to burst your gay bubble but your shoving alot of gay propaganda down the kids throat. The kid is probably confused but still loves you and hates to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.

Please, step outside your gay circle and put yourself in his shoes.

Oh, that will show him.

I guess I now need to add: not to say that there aren’t some bigots making the point in an obnoxious manner of course.

I didn’t realize Mother’s Day had become part of the gay agenda. I hope Father’s Day is still safe.

“I will get revenge against my mother’s for denying me a dad by being a high achieving and successful son in almost all endeavors, but on Mother’s Day… NO CARD! Then they shall know my censure and fury at their lifestyle choices.”

Oh yeah I can totally see that happening. Just like that.

Or both mothers do it sort-of-independently of each other for the same year (pretending they don’t know the other is doing it - that it’s not part of single plan).

I have to prompt and cajole my teenage kids to observe mothers day and my wife has to prompt them to observe fathers day - we each do this ‘secretly’ - and it’s never discussed, but we both know it’s happening.

That might have been unclear. I mean that this could perhaps be tackled by Mom1 taking the offspring aside and saying “Look, it doesn’t matter about me, but I really think it would be nice if you showed Mom2 some appreciation on mothers day - let’s go get a card and some chocolates”.

And at a different moment in the week, Mom2, adopting a conspiratorial tone, takes offspring aside and does something similar, but in reverse.

I came in to say something like this - I hate these manufactured holidays where you’re suppose to perform your love on demand like a trained monkey. If I care for you, I’ll show it every day (well, at least every day I see you) genuinely and spontaneously, rather than being forced to cough up a rote declaration on society’s appointed day.

To me, the expectation and kind-of-demanding nature of these specified days (Valentine’s, Mother’s Day etc) cheapens the sentiment. Are you giving me a card & flowers because you love me, or because it’s expected of you?

Maybe your son is going through a phase where he feels like this too. And maybe one day he’ll come home with a box of both your favourite donuts/cakes/flowers and say, oh, these are for you Moms, just because. And that would be more meaningful to me than a mass produced hallmark card.

Tapu,

Have you heard of the Myers-Briggs test? I’m curious of what it would say in your case.

This is just spot on.
When I was a teen, nothing would have made me less likely to acknowledge my mother on subsequent Mother’s Days than to be guilted and embarrassed about not doing anything for mother on that one special Hallmark day when I didn’t. This poor kid’s got TWO mothers doing it to him.

It won’t matter because it will probably be different next Mother’s Day.

I think we men are just lousy in general when it comes to holidays and giving gifts. I think it was Jeff Foxworthy who said on Christmas how many men have said to their wives “honey, did we buy something for my mother?”.

This is really ignorant and non-insightful.

I’m not bringing up the issue as you requested, but only your reaction, which I feel is telling.

Look at your reaction to these lines of well meaning suggestions. It had a automatic and very typical (almost textbook IMHO) defensive reaction, which to me suggest a block of some kind. It is a automatic dismissal, you are sure the problem is not here and everyone who suggest it doesn’t understand etc.

I also say this in the sense that you can not change other people (even your own son), you can only change yourself, and to me when I have a problem I try to look how I am part of it, what part of me does that issue cling to and how I can change myself for the better. And in that respect the issue to me is why does it make you feel bad and how to overcome that in yourself.

Good Luck

Well, you can’t say he doesn’t have self-awareness.