Ha! 
Oh, good. I waited for you to Ha! before I Ha!'d.
Yea…no, wait we’re gonna need more info on the adopted cousin. How exactly does that work? Maybe throw in some info on his criminal past. I know you said you’d rather not tell all. But dude, inquiring minds, and all.
QFT, as they say.
“No thanks.”
He keeps going.
“No thanks.”
He keeps going.
“I said no thanks.”
He keeps going.
“Bye.” click
I’ve seen it before, at least from a distance. Some people can only live on extremes. it’s like plenty of people in rock/metal music. guys like Dave Mustaine (Megadeth) who spent their younger years being completely wasted and strung out, and destructive to themselves and others. then they feel guilty about their past, and go running into the polar opposite extreme and become raging born-again “Christians.”
I can’t tell from the OP preamble whether he’s an actual cousin, who’s now estranged from the family, or not.
I mean, reading this, the guy could be someone who latched on to his parents for awhile, earning ‘cousin’ status, but now he’s just someone who used to wish he was part of the family, therefore demoted to ‘adopted cousin’.
Jim B, you don’t sound like you know much about this guy. We can’t tell how tenuous a connection he has to you or how long it’s been since you heard from him. This could be anything from a mild family annoyance to something truly skeevy. I mean, if he hasn’t called back in a month and a half, maybe it will be years before he calls again, and then he’ll be recruiting you for Scientology.
Right? What the hell is wrong with me… Respect, Ambi.
So I’m thinking the Cardinal costume above, then the Hari Krishna costume I linked above, then an orthodox Rabbi costume, then a Buddhist monk…
Just every time he sees you you’re looking like a different religion but refuse to address it.
Oh, this outfit? Sorry, my faith is a topic that’s very personal and, umm, private to me… I’m sure you’ll understand. (eventually…)
If you’re Richard Carpenter, it’s the BEST KIND of cousin.
That is, the kind you can marry and nobody talks about whether your state’s consanguinity rules are weird…
You should tell this adopted cousin you’ve converted to Islam and suggest he should do so as well. Then start a debate comparing the respective benefits each program offers in the Eternal Afterlife. Then you bring up how your Eternal 401K offers sex with Houris and what can his deity offer to top that.
Every time he starts religious talk turn into a discussion on Trump and politics.
Tell him you will seriously consider it. If, and only if, he will convert back to militant atheism at the same time. Balance must be maintained in the universe.
“God told me not to discuss my religious beliefs with you.” Then change subjects.
But here you’ve got a shadowy relative who
• has cut off ties with the family
• is trying to pry personal information out of you
• may have malevolent intentions and
• may have a criminal past.
That’s pretty disturbing stuff, and it obviously troubles you all these weeks later. Do you feel compelled to engage with him? If so, why? Because he had a rough childhood?
Turn the tables and ask him to tell you about his life as a “Militant Atheist”.
Yes. Ask him what things he did that were militant. Did he hand out pamphlets at the mall? Did he picket churches? Did he spit on door knocking proselytizers?
And if not, why not?