Religious friends who try to convert you

In My Humble Opinion
1

How do you deal with it? Politely!

I have several Christian friends, and sometimes some of them will try to lure me to their next service. These well-meaning friends don’t seem to understand just how extremely uncomfortable I would be at a church service.

Yeah, I’ll hike with you, join in some of your other activities, but as soon as you make any mention of how I should love a dead Jewish carpenter from 2000 years ago, I’m outta there!

Anyway, I’d like to handle the situation diplomatically, preferably keeping as many friends as possible.

Any suggestions? Have you had friends try to convert you?

2

How about, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not interested. Should I change my mind, however, you’ll be the first to know.”

That last sentence should be sincere, not sarcastic.

3

None have ever tried to convert, and they do not proselytize. There is a guy at work who does a silent witnessing by very pointedly putting down his bible when he’s on break with us. He’s had a few conversations with some co-workers, most of whom are too polite to tell him they’re really not interested. What can you tell your friends when they want you to tag along to a service? Be polite, firm and let them know that your religious leanings are quite private, and you’d rather not discuss or share them with others. Don’t have any religious leanings? Let them have a minute or two of your time, being polite all the while. When they stop to take a breath, inform them that you appreciate the gist of their info but you’ve decided that it really isn’t for you. Don’t attack, or go ballistic. The art of politely telling people things they don’t want to hear is a talent we should all become familiar with. These are your friends, their other qualities are important to you, or you wouldn’t be friends. We have to overlook many things we don’t like in dealing with people. In your case,put unsolicited religious talk in that category.

4

The hard part will be if your friend continues witnessing to you after you have done everything that has been posted here thus far. What will you do then? How do you think your friend will react when you tell him you are not interested?

I have some family that are very much the “Born again, holier than thou, fundie” type. They have tried and tried and tried again to convert members of my immediate family… with no success. Nowadays, we don’t see them all that much… only at family gathering during special times like holidays and stuff. They pretty much look down their noses at us and we pretty much ignore them. It’s a shame, really, because I was raised to think that you can always count on your family to be there for you… but with this part of the family, I guess that is the exception.

I mention this because the potential is there to lose some friends due to their bigotry and short sightedness. Be prepared for the worst if it should happen, but rejoice if it turns out ok for you and your friends.

5

Tell them “Sure! I’ll attend Sunday mass with you. Then we can go to my Wiccan friend’s celebration. It’ll be a blast!” When they decline the invitation, you can point out that you feel the same way about their religion. Simple!

6

It may help to keep in mind that some (though certainly not all) people who proselytize or witness do so out of obligation, a sense of duty. (NOTE: The following Bible verse is meant only to explain, not to convert.) Matthew 28:19 says, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” That’s what they’re doing. It’s not quite in the same spirit as they might try to convert you to their new diet or exercise program. They often (again, not always) do know that their ministry is not generally welcome but continue it because they regard it as an obligation.

Again, that’s probably not true for all people who do that. Some of them are doing it spontaneously, probably because they already care about you on a personal level.

If you are not interested, I think DeadlyAccurate’s suggestion is a lovely one.

7

I had a friend who dumped me when I said I just wasn’t interested. I guess she wasn’t really my friend to begin with.

8

That’s happened to me before.

An acquiantance of mine started being unusually nice and friendly to me. After a couple of weeks of this, she invited me to a play at her church. I figured it couldn’t hurt, and she was in it, after all.

I get there and am subjected to a series of skits in which various Christians and non-believers engage in discussions of religion moments before meeting untimely deaths and getting sent to heaven or hell in short order. The only conclusion I could draw is that discussing religion is hazardous to life and limb.

The whole thing was very simplistic and nowhere near as scary as the people involved seemed to think it was (the distortion effect on Satan’s voice sounded exceedingly cool, though). At the end, they called on anyone who had “found Christ” during the proceedings to head up front and pray.

The aformentioned girl sought me out afterward and asked if I’d “given my life to Jesus.” I told her no, and offered to explain tomorrow. I didn’t feel like outlining my worldview surrounded by a crowd in the midst of a post-show glow.

On the way home, I turned the radio on, and what should be playing but “Highway to Hell.” :smiley:

That girl never spoke to me again. Go figure.

9

I usually just say, suppose its early in the day, ‘can we wait until after 5pm before you start your bible stuff?’

But when they push it on a girlfriend is what I don’t like cause who wants a girlfriend who doesn’t want to have sex anymore?

10

I am interested. I think I’m unlikely to be converted, but am happy to talk about it. I find they get bored first.

11

I had a Christian friend a while back who definitely did try to convert me. I kinda found the ensuing debate fun, though - we’d argue and argue and argue, all the while keeping it civil and staying friends. Kinda drifted apart, though; I haven’t spoken with her in a few years. Point is: debating religion with friends can be fun.

12

I have an uncle who is into Transcendental Meditation, and he used to tell me that I’d never truly understand what I’m studying (physiology/pathology) until I hear what my cells are saying, and feel their emotions… :confused:
After a few years of him trying to convince me, and me smiling and telling him I’m not buying it, we’ve reached a sort of balance. He still talks to me about TM and its principles, but he’s finally realized that he’s never going to convert me and he’s lost that “preachy” tone he used to have. We actually converse now, which is much better!

I do think that debating religion can be fun, but some people aren’t able to step back and take an objective point of view, and can get quite agressive about how their way is the only way. My cousin is into missionary work, building schools and wells in third-world countries. I was happy for her until I got a letter asking for donations to their organization because “the local beliefs are strong and if we are to open their hearts to Christ we will need your donations and your prayers.” I didn’t respond to that, and when she eventually called me and asked why I never wrote back, I told her I don’t support the idea of “converting the heathens”, although I wished her well in all other parts of her work. We argued for a while, and she finally hung up on me. We haven’t spoken in years, even though I’ve tried calling once or twice, thinking she might be over it.

All that to say, beware of debate; not everyone can take criticism, especially regarding their beliefs!

13

That’s happened to me before, too. Wait, no it hasn’t. But once I did go to a “bible study” session which was really just a recruiting session for a cult-like organization, and was driven home when it was clear I was not interested and…

**

**

And the cult-like dude was singing along with it! 'struth!

14

I lost a friend because of this. While I did not share his religious beliefs, I respected them. I made this very clear to him, but according to him, his way was the only way, and he broke off the friendship very abruptly. It still hurts to think about this - it’s such a shame the friendship couldn’t continue. I still respect his beliefs, and I admire him for his efforts to adhere to those beliefs. However, he refused to even accept that mine were different. (The irony is that mine are not VERY different… but that was unacceptable to him.)

15

I consider myself agnostic, and I made my break with religion (specifically, Catholicism) my freshman year of college although I made it a point I wasn’t particularly religious back in high school. My best friend in high school tried little things to get me to go back to church. He’d mention that I was still on the church’s mailing list and that the priest still remembered who I was. I helped him with his region band audition music, and he insisted on having the practices in the community room of the church. I just told him I was happy with my current relationship with religion and let everything roll of my back. His girlfriend was much more active in trying to get me “right with God and Jesus.” For a couple weeks, she and her church buddies would snipe me on AOL with biblical verses and attempts to see how empty my life truly was without the church. I finally got into a huge fight with the four of them in a chatroom.

One of my college friends succeeded in getting me to attend Mass my first semester of college. All it really did was cement that I just wasn’t a religious or all that spiritual a person. My friend was pissed for a while, but he got over it.

One of the nastiest instances of a religious friend trying to convert me happened not too long ago. A woman I fell in love with was almost a completely faithful Southern Baptist. When we lived on the same floor in the dorms, she spent many a night having me read her Bible and letting her preach to me (did I mention that I really loved this woman?). She kept sending me Christian glurge, and, after time had dulled some of my feelings for her, I asked her to please stop sending them to me. Major fight broke out over email and in person. We didn’t speak to each other for almost a year because of it. Lots of nasty and hurtful things were said. We apologized (with me taking all of the blame, basically) and settled into a comfortable friendship. We’ve since drifted apart.

All my experiences have taught me is to graciously decline invitations to religious functions and politely ask people to stop with the witnessing. If they get mad, I just let them and them at arm’s length. As has been said earlier, if they were really my friends then my beliefs really shouldn’t be a stumbling in our friendship.

16

Hi Anyonghaseyo,

Although I’m a Catholic Christian, I have been in your situation, when a very Baptist friend & co-worker tried to show me the error of my idolatrous Popish ways… :frowning:

It was really irritating, and made me less likely to give him a fair hearing…

So I would like to suggest you try a version of the following:

*"Look, your constantly talking to me about your faith is only going to annoy me / alienate me to the point that you will be / are pushing me away. If you want to try to convert me, just try to lead a life that is so Christ-like, so loving, and so fullfilled, that I will want access to what you have.

If I buy it, then I will ask you about it. *

Saint Fancis of Assisi <spelling?> said: One must preach the Gospel at all times, and sometimes, even by saying something…

Meaning that a Christian should preach by example, not so much by word. Hopefully, that will help both you and them.

In any case, I think it’s kind of simplistic of them trying to drag you to a service, where you’re likely to feel like a fish out of water. Church is more for folks who already are Christians to strengthen and deepen their faith. From a Christian perspective, God can come into your heart any time, any place, and doesn’t need anybody else’s help, except yours.

Unfortunately, many of us try to “recuit” others more to feed our own egos and acquire status in the church community than to genuinely share what we have. If I can, I would like to offer you an apology on their behalf, if this is the case…

Best of luck, and happy Thanksgiving.

17

I “lost” two of my best friends to religion. That Jesus is an asshole. Promises eternal life and salvation. All I got is beer, motorcycles and pinball.

Funny, but my Sundays are sure better than thiers. :wink:

“Please, please, PLEASE let me join your stupid club for jerks!”-- paraphrasing Homer J. Simpson

18

My general method is roughly this:

First attempt to convert me I politely say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested.” Second attempt I begin to look annoyed and point out that continuing this line of conversation is a really, really good way to offend me. The third time I tell them that I have up until this point been polite with them - again and not only shall I cease to be polite but I will discontinue all contact with them after.

It’s harsh, and I’d rather not do it, but witnessing to me is one of the few guaranteed ways to piss me off. Experience shows that if they haven’t stopped by the time this gets to be an issue then they’re probably not going to. Fortunately most of the ‘friends’ who have tried to convert me haven’t been particularily close - not much more than acquaintances. I don’t know if I could follow through with this with some of my closer friends with strong beliefs.

I’m perfectly willing to discuss religion with friends, and I have no objection to whatever religious beliefs they might hold (well, ok. That’s not true - some of my friends who are very fundamentalist christians have beliefs which I find upsetting, but I respect their right to hold those beliefs). It’s just trying to convert me that is a dealbreaker.

19

trupa:

“Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.”

And yes, you spelled Assisi right! Although it’s Francis, not Fancis. (I realize it’s a typo, though!)

20

trupa, I haven’t seen you around here before, but you sound like a kindred spirit, at least where religion is concerned. :slight_smile: