Return of The Religous Nutball

I posted this thread about my how my friend got religion and turned into a nutball.

Tonight I called him to see how his holiday went. He has traveled the road to the Nutball ‘Hall of Fame’.

When I called T I just wanted to know how the Holiday went. I asked what he got for X-Mas. T then told me that he was sick until midnight on the 24th and then G*d healed him in time for X-Mas. I said great, right on, glad to hear you are feeling better. I just wanted to hear about his families day.

Then the nightmare began. T brought up religion again. I tried to duck religion because I knew that it was a bad place to go.

Anyway T brought it up. T then tried to hammer his beliefs down my throat. T said some wonderful things like :

“Jesus is the most documented and proven person in history”
“I know the truth, Jesus is the truth and if you do not accept Jesus you will burn in Hell”.
“Science proves that Jesus was the Son of G*D”

At that time I asked T a question. I asked T this: Say there is a tribe of people who never heard of the Bible and Jesus. Assuming that the people in that tribe were honest and never sinned would those people go to hell? T said yep, they would go to hell since they didn’t accept Jesus as their Lord. When I pointed out that my tribe never got the chance to accept Jesus T said that they should have searched out and found a bible and read the word of G*D.

I tried to explain the difference between fact and faith to T but he wouldn’t hear it. I kept telling T that I was happy that he believed in something but his belief did not make something a fact.

It got nasty. I finaly told T that, while I love the guy, I would not talk to him if he kept pushing his religion on me. T kept saying “I am not pushing anything on you, I am just telling you the Truth about Jesus.”

At the end of the call I told T that I want to talk to him but we can never talk about religion. T said that he had to point out to everyone the glory of G*d and that he was trying to save my soul.

Sadly, I think I lost one of my best friends forever. T is a great guy but if he keeps this up I will not talk to him again.


Sorry to hear about you losing a friend. I’ve seen this happen many times, and sometimes, but only sometimes, the initial fervor surrounding their conversion settles down and they are able to relate to others without the constant witnessing.

Give it time.

One thing to consider… T might just be doing this because he really believes you are in danger and doesn’t to see you suffer.
So, he gives you the AAA speech. (Adam to After Armeggedon)
It’s what he currently knows how to do. Learning balance takes time. And from reading this board, you can see that sometimes it never comes.

When T brings up religion, is he doing it in the spirit of helping you? Or is it more of an “I’m right and that’s all there is to it” type conversation? Try to review your conversation with him (in your own mind) objectively.

If, after some time elapses, and T still does this everytime you speak… Well, try not to burn any bridges, is all I can say.

Not very helpful, I know…

You may become friends again in the future. But it looks like a cooling off period is inevitable.


I’m sorry, sleestak, that really sucks. I hope you can mend your friendship with the guy. But you shouldn’t have to take his religious harrassment, and I don’t blame you for giving him the ultimatum. It’s almost a shame that respect him too much not to just smile and nod and say “Yep. Jesus is the way. I’m right here with ya’, pal.” But most people don’t feel right doing that.

Actually, I don’t think it makes much difference what T’s motivations are for talking to Sleestak like this after s/he has made it clear that this isn’t a conversation s/he is interested in continuing. After I tell someone I don’t want to talk about something and they don’t listen to me, I don’t much care why - I just end the conversation and leave. If they keep on doing this, I end the friendship. I don’t like having my feelings disregarded.

You make a good point. featherlou. I was just trying to see both sides of this.

I sincerely hope T calms down. Like I said, I’ve seen this situation happen many times. Sometimes it normals out, sometimes it doesn’t. All things considered, it’s the strife caused by this kind of thing that makes me sad.

Slee, I’m with you buddy. Either way T turns out, you will still have other friends. Please don’t isolate yourself.

I won’t isolate myself. What sucks is that T, my friend for over 10 years, got religion and we cannot have a conversation about anything else. I told T that if he had to bring up G*d every time I tried to talk with him that I would not talk to him anymore.

I love T. We went through some some bad times together. I called T hoping to find out how T’s X-Mas went. Simple questions like ‘What did you get’ or ‘How was your day’. T turned it into a discussion about G*D. T kept telling me that Jesus was a fact. I asked T for proof and T said “Read the Bible”.


sleestak that truly sucks. I’m really sorry for your troubles. Perhaps (not definitely, but perhaps) after T settles down some, you can tell him, “Look, I know as a Christian, it’s your duty to spread the word of God. Now you’ve told me what you believe, so your duty is done in my case. Now, can we maybe just agree to disagree, and be friends again?” If you say it in a kind way (which certainly seems to be your style from what I’ve seen of you on the board), this might work. If not, I guess you’ll just have to mourn the loss of a friendship and move on.

Good luck.

I had the same thing happen to me, and it sucked. A girl I’d known since 5th grade, a very good friend of mine, got heavily into being a Christian and just cut all of her friends dead.

You couldn’t talk to her about ANYTHING without it coming back to Jesus and how you were going to burn in hell. Eventually she just lost every friend she had, and only had her new holy roller friends in her life.

Ironically, she wound up moderating her beliefs and eventually just discarded them. She came back around to her old friends and tried to make peace. Some of them were willing to forgive her, but at that point I wasn’t due to some nasty things that had been said. I think one day we might be able to talk again, though it wouldn’t be the same as it was before.

I think the best thing you can do is tell your friend firmly that it can’t be discussed between you two anymore, and if he isn’t willing to accept that, then do what you have to do, but keep the channels open for the future and let him know that you’re still his friend at heart even if you can’t be in practice for right now.

Maybe you should find some gentle way of pointing out that T’s approach is driving you away from Jesus. It might be enough to force a rethinking of approach on his part.

Hmmm… I am presuming your friend is male ?

Only way to have your friend back is drive a stake through the heart of the evil woman that has forced god upon him.

Pfft like any man just changes (or accepts) to … anything without the gentle proding of a nice pus… … kind hearted woman.

That would be my suggestion as well.

There’s two sides of the story, and we’re seeing yours clearly. Let’s try and imagine it from T’s angle.

He’s your friend, so let’s assume he means well. He wants to save you from hell, and he’s trying harder with you than with other people because he cares. He’s also a “new” Christian, so he may not have found the right modus for proclaiming his faith. In time, he will learn that not only is constant witnessing rude, it can also be fruitless and very counterproductive.

Your role, as his friend, is to give him the time and space to find that modus. Maybe this requires a cooling off period, maybe this requires limited contact. And in the end, the two of you will have to agree to disagree: he’s not changing your mind, and you’re not changing his.

Be a friend, and give him room to develop in his new “role” in life, that of a true Christian.

If you don’t mind me saying so, that’s a very narrow-minded view. There are lots of things that can turn a person from a complete atheist into the most devout Christian there ever was. And not all of them involve the term “pussy”.

And that’s coming from an orthodox agnostic.

Coldfire - I guess you are right and i am wrong.

Sorry i forget.

Nah I’ve just come from the pit - posting a bit silly - I still listen to your songs coldfire - that one about, … the boy… that … got into an accident…and he couldn’t come to school… * cries* it was beautiful !!!

P.S. He so did it for the nookie…

A story I heard from a Christian friend:

A Christian youth group leader was running a meeting, and brought out a beautiful cake his wife had made.

He asked, “who wants cake?” and everyone raised a hand.

He cut a slice, and threw it at one kid’s shirt. Everyone was shocked. When the group leader asked, “Now who wants cake?” Not a single hand went up.

The moral of the story? No matter how wonderful something is, nobody wants it if it’s presented in a nasty way.

(might your friend respond to this?)

Well well.

It’s not about right or wrong, trader_of_shots. I’m just trying to explain to you that when it comes to matters of faith, there are other things than “nookie” as driving forces.

Of course, you’re free to fully disregard my attempts, as you already seem to do.

When some people think they find God, I often wonder what it is that they’ve actually found.

I became a Christian because I found a God who loved me unconditionally, and from the beginning, for me, it was all about the love.

The God I knew, and know, was just never consistent with a cosmic bully who would bring a race of people into existence in order to threaten them with eternal torment if they didn’t become his loyal followers.

I think that’s the question I’d ask someone in T’s situation: “If God is love, exactly how does this exemplify love? Would you marry someone who played head games like that with you? Then why would you accept someone like this as your God?”

I’m going second other Dopers’ suggestions to give him some space. My brother acted the same way when he first joined his current church. I think it’s a combination of being very excited about something new and fantastic in their life and overzealousness about wanting to save others. My brother is much easier to deal with now.

All of the long-time Christians I know (except for El Hubbo’s nutty aunt in Milwaukee) seem to know that the hard sell is usually more successful at pushing prospective converts in the opposite direction.

Write him a letter (not email) that essentially says what norinew wrote. That will give you the opportunity to clarify your thoughts and him the chance to read what you have to say without being able to rebutt. Don’t bother pointing out that faith and fact are the same thing or that Jesus isn’t well documented at all or anything like that. You’ll only get his back up. Simply point out that you want to be friends, but you can’t have all conversations revolving around his religion.