My amazing husband

My husband has a unique, almost completely useless ability to watch any movie, no matter how bad (he’s currently downstairs watching “Vampirella”). He also has the amazing ability to walk past stuff piled on the stairs without feeling the slightest need to take it up the stairs with him. He can also drive in any kind of weather without batting an eye, and pick spiders up and take them outside. I have also seen him eat 60 hot chicken wings at a sitting.

How about all of you? Wanna share any of your spouses’ special “talents”?

MY husband can, in the blink of an eye, determine why any given television program shoud be zapped past.

Oh, that’s easy… just keep flipping until you see one of the following:

  1. Someone HOT
  2. Cartoons
  3. Football
  4. Explosions

Ooh, I forgot about that one, Wry. What an amazing eye he has - he can flip past 50 channels and know in a millisecond that they’re not worth watching.

My husband has this astonishing ability as well.

One of his special talents is selective blindness. Like ** featherlou’s ** husband, he never seems to notice the basket of folded clothes waiting by the stairs, nor when the trash is full. He can stare right at the catsup in the refrigerator and yet yell to ask me where it is.

(I have theorized that this is because of the differing job duties during the evolution of man and woman. Men, who were hunters, had no need to remember where anything was because their prey was always on the move, thus that part of the brain atrophied in the male sex. Women, the gatherers, had to remember where the berry bushes were and medicine plants were located, and because of the utilization of this skill, women’s brains developed special memory skills for location of objects.)

He has an astonishing memory for movie quotes, football stats, work related information (involving memorizing the movements up up to 100 people) songs, and the menus of favorite resturants, but cannot remember where he left his keys.

All joking aside, his most amazing talent is being able to add, multiply and divide long numbers in his head almost instantly. I’ve never seen anything like it. You can ask him, “Honey, what’s 2,485 times 6542?” and within moments, he’ll have the correct answer for you.

What, you mean there are people who aren’t completely comfortable going 85 in a 65 zone with another car ten feet in front and rain coming down like God’s chamberpot never got emptied before?

::shrug:: Who knew?

I have a girlfriend that whines a lot. Oh, wait…

First of all … Let’s make one thing perfectly clear.

You are not married to a common mortal. You have wed Superman.

Any guy with the combined nerve and mercy to “pick up spiders and take them outside” is a God and should be blown … er, treated (yes, that’s the word) like one!

Well, he’s not my hubby (yet, lemme go find my shackles… :D), but my blokey can do the food thing something chronic! It amazes me every time.

He’s also very, very good at getting the round in.

Alas though, I have to do the Spider Thing, not that it bothers me, cos he does the Looking After Me when Scary People are Around Thing, and the Chasing Away of the Wolves Thing.

He also is without a doubt The Hardest Person To Get Out Of Bed Ever! The only thing that works is the Hamster Dance, and I fear that will loose it’s potency soon!

Well, my husband can do any number tasks (CD changing, cell phone dialing, messy sub sandwich eating) while driving without crashing the car.

He can solve any computer problem I can create simply by rolling his eyes and tapping a few keys.

He has an amazing ability to find the best price for electronic equipment. One of our friends put it this way “People are always running out of stores, stopping him on the street and offering him DVD players for $20!”

My wife has the Unique ability to tell me - whilst I am driving - that there are break lights ahead of me, and I should apply my right foot to brake. Jeez if I did not have her I’d probably slam right into the back of EVERY CAR, HUH HONEY!!???!!

She can also:
read my mind
decide what I want to eat at restaurants
call me a cloyka
change the channel at lightning speed
best of all, she knows how to love me in just the right way :wink:

Part of me is intruigued as to what the Hamster Dance could be and whether it would work on my wife, the rest of me is rather nervous…


He can fix anything with things lying around the house, but this power is limited to how interesting the job is to him. If the item is deemed worthy, it will get fixed with painstaking attention to detail and amazing creativity. If it is not deemed worthy, it will not be fixed, at least not without much begging and bribery.

Projects are exciting to start but not finish.

He has amazing selective hearing. If the car goes “whrr”, he will hear it over the radio / traffic / jackhammers in the street. He can then diagnose the problem based on the noise. He will then chastise me for not reporting the noise to him sooner. At other times you can have a whole conversation with him, at the end of which he turns to you and says, “what?”

He has delete-o-vision, which enables him to not see things he does not want to see, like dishes or dirt or socks. Delete-o-vision changes daily.

He can make a new friend in 5 seconds, and strike up a conversation with anyone.

Ah. I am this person in my house. I’ll have you know that the eyeroll is a Very Important First Step in this process.

My husband has mastered the ability of selective blindness to an astonishing degree. I purchased a seven-foot-tall ficus tree, placed it next to the dining room table, and directly after dinner asked him what he thought of the new addition to the dining room. He said, “Oh, I like it.” It was LITERALLY a month later (we’re talking a whole 30 days, folks) when he asked me, “When did we get this plant here?”

We’ve lived in this house for four years, and last week his lack of attention to his surroundings became very evident. He was crabbing about me not paying attention to something, and I snapped, “Oh, I don’t pay attention to things… what color is the toilet in our bathroom?” He replied, “It’s green. Like forest green. Isn’t it?”

It’s almond. There are no green toilets anywhere in this house.

I am the one changing the channels at lighting speed and bringing the little bugs outside… What’s wrong with me?
Although my hubby meets a lot of the above traits, like delete-o-vision and I-stare-at-it-but-can’t-see-it thingy…
“Honeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? Where’s my wallet???”
How the heck would I know where he put it last… tho, I am always the one finding it…
All that said, I think I am the one with super powers.

As for delete-o-vision:

First, I can make no comment about not noticing a plant (even though it was pointed out to him) until a month later…

But as for those who complain the hubby doesn’t pick up laundry laying on the stairs or such things why don’t you just ask (or tell) him to take it upstairs in the first place?

I don’t understand the passive aggressiveness of leaving the basket out without telling him to take it upstairs. Is it so that you can yell at him later? Seriously.

Now as for some passive aggressiveness men do (tic for tac) with regard to lightspeed remote control usage, the number one reason guys do this is to avoid the wife seeing a desirable “chick flick”. It is a highly developed skill to blast by ESPN and see whether or not it’s Football night or if Ice Skating night. This way he can claim “What? Ice Skating wasn’t on last night! If I had only known we could have watched Weiss doing figure eights instead of The History Channel’s demonstration of Nazi tanks!!!”

Mr cowgirl loves doing dishes.

No, really.

No, ladies, you can’t have hime ! He’s MINE !!

According to my wife, I have the ability to, without any hesitation, zero in on the most boring program on TV at any given time. “Ooh! A show about sleeping millipedes! Let’s watch that!”


My husband has the ablilty to tune out anything anyone is saying when the television is on. He is also cabable of complicating the simplest tasks.

  1. I like spiders. They eat other less desirable bugs. I leave them be or move them to the basement.

  2. I can drive in any weather, except unplowed streets, but that’s only because my car becomes a hovercraft on them. In different cars I’m unstoppable.

  3. I live by myself and I still leave piles of stuff for myself to take upstairs around the house. It usually takes me 3 or 4 trips to pick them up. I also like to open my mail in the living room and leave the pile of paper garbage on the floor right next to the table. Sometimes I got a day or two before throwing it away. Hey, its Paper!

  4. I hate TV. I use it as a scene changing clock.

  5. I’ll do anything around the house except paint and water plants. I couldn’t tell you what color my walls are if my life depended on it (and it’s MY house!)