My anxiety level just keeps going up and up...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And I’m not really MAD at anyone about it, hence the MPSIMS thread.

Over three months ago, I started a job at my new company. I got the job through a temp agency with the promise that, barring any performance screw-ups, I’d be permanent in three months. I accepted the low pay under the guise that I would be eligible for incentive pay and profit-sharing in that same three month limit.

And I’ve grown to love my job and my company. My co-worker and I have hit it off, even though we share an office and have the potential to drive one another nuts. My direct boss is great - the three of us comprise one very small department (report writing and analysis), and we get along very well. We all work our butts off, and I’ve grown incredibly and increasingly happy in the job. It’s made me want to go back to school and get my computer science degree.

Two weeks ago was my three-months. Talking to my boss, he assured me that he was VERY happy with my job performance and would be making the necessary steps to hire me permanently. Last Friday, the 25th, I get a call from the temp agency on my cell phone (I was with mr avabeth, on the way to a cousin’s wedding), telling me congratulations, I was now a permanent employee. Yay! Finally, something is going right for me career-wise. About time. And now I had the potential to make more money and to work on getting my debt paid off.

Monday morning, I mention it to my boss. Who then says “Oh, yeah, I was going to talk to you about that. I thought it was final, but the CEO and VP want to discuss it further. It has nothing to do with your performance, we are VERY happy with your performance.”. Just like that, I’m back to a temp worker.

It’s now been over a week, and I still don’t have a final answer. They’re worried that when our department implements new software, our workload will greatly decrease and there won’t be a spot for me. Like he said, it’s nothing to do with my performance - I’ve gotten nothing but compliments on my work. I’ve assured them that I would be happy to go to whatever department has an opening - I like the company that much. Barring that, I said I would be willing to just see what happens - but I really would like to go permanent now because I’ve put in my 90 days, and I think I’ve earned it.

They’re considering it. And considering it. And I go back to work after the long weekend, when my stomach was finally calming down, and now my stomach is back to knots again. I already have an anxiety disorder, but it’s been controlled - now, I have to take Xanax fairly frequently (which, for me, is 12.5 mg every four-five hours - a very small dose) just to keep my stomach from working overdrive. I also freak out very easily, so I immediately think the worst no matter what. Which also does NOTHING for my anxiety.

I just want to know. The biggest thing that sucks is that I am not eligible for profit-sharing unless I’m retro-actively hired on July 1st or earlier - and we were counting on part of that money to pay for our honeymoon in September. I also will not accrue vacation yet, which means one of two things - either I will have to take unpaid days as a temp worker in September for my wedding (five days in total), or we’ll need to cut the honeymoon short by a day or so (it’s already just a four day trip to the Hershey Hotel and Spa in Hershey PA, because I didn’t feel comfortable taking a full week and a half with being in a new job - I’ve already made a lot of concessions for this job and have given up my dream honeymoon to the Mayan Riviera because I wanted to be a good employee).

I’m just anxious. And I hate being anxious. I just want to know one way or the other, so I can either relax or start getting my resume out there again. The worst part is that I love my job - this is the best job I’ve ever had. I don’t want to leave it. And I’m tired of my stomach being in knots, darn it!

Ava

2

All I can say is hang in there, and I hope you get the job.

3

Anxiety sucks, no doubt about that. Maybe one way to look at things is this … a job is never really guaranteed, even if you are a full-time employee they can pull the rug out at any time. So as long as you still have a job and you don’t get any negative vibes, just hang in there. One day at a time, as they say, it works for me.

Good luck.

4

Well, I just got out of my boss’ office.

The bad news? I’m still a temp. No medical insurance, no incentives, no vacation time or accrued time.

The good news? I still have a job. And one of the other managers has expressed an interest in training me for his department, where I can make a LOT of money in incentive pay, and where I’m interested in looking.

I’m upset. Sad and frustrated because I’ve kicked ass at this job and there were no indications that it wouldn’t be permanent last week. My boss said if it were up to him, I’d be permanent right now. So I’m going to talk to my temp agency at lunch regarding medical insurance - I can at least try to go on theirs until September, when I can be put on mr. avabeth’s. And I’m going to request a small raise since I gave UP money to take this job at their recommendation on what I would potentially make. I feel a bit like I’ve been screwed and since I’ve proven myself to be a valuable employee, I should at least be compensated somewhat.

We’ll see. The trick today is to make it through work without bursting into tears. I was promised my time off for the wedding, although it will be unpaid.

Ugh. Now I have to tell my family that I am NOT permanent, even though I told them that I was last weekend. Fun, fun, fun.

Ava

5

Oh, so sorry. I always think it’s amazing how management just sees us as dollar amounts in a column, while we really have to put parts of our soul into the equation. If only they could see that happy workers are even more productive than people who work in fear. At least it’s a comfortable place to work for you. Some other threads about evil co-workers have just amazed me. Hope all goes well with the wedding.

6

Ahhh, the corporate cogs sure do turn slowly. I don’t think you should be anxious. It’s just that sometimes it takes a while to shove the idea of a new hire down accounting’s throat. Soon they’ll realize that what they are paying the temp agency to have you around is more than what they would pay you as a permanant hire. Several layers of management meet and speak minutae until the obvious is finally agreed upon and you are hired.

If you were at the level where these minutae meetings included food, the offer would have been tendered yesterday. Instead, scheduling conflicts and wait-and-see’s rule the day. It shakes out eventually, and you’ve got people pulling for you, but the cogs are slow. Hang tight.

7

This is surely no consolation, but if I was delivered everything I was promised by companies throughout my career, my fortune would be second only to Bill Gates. I’m not saying they lie, they just like to motivate with empty promises. I don’t take anything for granted from a company until I see it in writing, or on the paycheck.

8

I sympathize. I’m a contractor, contracted to the Federal government along with several other folks for the same company. We had a recent re-compete on the contract, and it was awarded to a different company - standard procedure whena contract changes hands is to keep most of the folks already working there - they basically transition from one contracting parent company to the other.

We’ve all been interviewed by the new company as well, and I was feeling positive about my chances for a transition - even though until I hear they’re willing to hire me, and how much they’re willing to pay, there’s the anxiety of uncertainty.

Of course, the day after the interviews, my current parent company filed a protest on the award of the contract to the new one. So the uncertainty gets to linger for up to 90 more days. Yay.

9

Candid, that seriously sucks - I’ve gone nuts after a week, I can’t imagine how you’ll feel after another three months. I’m really sorry.

On the plus side, two good things happened today. My boss talked to the manager who was interested in me, and he’s trying to get the ball rolling for me - I’m going for basic testing for that department, and they’re going to try to work out training at the end of the month for me when we’re less busy. So with luck, I can just slip right into the new position. My boss is a good guy - and unfortunately, the whole situation is out of his control. I signed up for insurance through my temp agency - it’s $100 I really can’t afford right now, but I also would rather be safe than sorry - with my luck, I’d end up in the hospital with another kidney infection, and we just can’t afford that. The thing that does suck is that we really want to buy a house in January, and we were counting on the extra money to help us stash away a big amount for a down payment. Which leads me to the VERY positive thing that happened today…

I was pretty much in tears at work half the day because I was upset. Somehow, I got to talking to a friend on a message board who’s recently started her own resume business with her partner. Apparently, they are bringing in a LOT of business and needed to hire subcontractors. Basically, she hired me the second I expressed interest (I’ve got experience in resume-writing, as well as grammar skills), and I’ll be paid a very good rate per resume, going up as soon as they’re comfortable with me, and my work doesn’t need to be edited. Since she’s hoping to have benefits for people next year, there’s a good chance this could turn into full-time for me, and I can end up working from home - even better, since we really want to start a family in the next two years, and I’ve never wanted to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom. I can hire a sitter for the kids for part of the week so that I can work, and I can care for them the rest of the time. Obviously, this is all in the future, but it sounds very positive - and they’re working incredibly hard to put the company together. Even if it’s only part-time, I still have the chance to make extra money and get some of my bills paid off.

I can’t believe how the day turned around today. I went from tears in the morning to a possible new career change in the afternoon. I always have to remind myself that things are always darker before the dawn.

Ava

10

Aw, it’s frustrating, but I cope. Glad to hear things are looking up.