My aunt has been in the hospital since Monday with fluid in her lungs, taking all sorts of tests, and finally, today, exploratory surgery. It seems bad. Tumors all through her chest cavity. My mom is distraught; they’re very close.
But damn it, I don’t need a lecture on my weight, my husband’s smoking, and I really, really don’t appreciate being told that ‘deep down, I really have to believe’ in her god, and I have to know that my stated lack of belief is ‘crap’. :mad:
Argh. Just… argh!
Her sister is dying. Give her a pass on it for a while. Not that she won’t keep bugging you with this stuff for as long as she lives, but for the next few months or so maybe you could let it slide.
XaMcQ, my mother-in-law is like your mom. When faced with a situation that she can do absolutely nothing about, she tries to gain a sense of control by bossing everyone else around and harping on all the things they could/should be doing. We went through the lectures about weight, etc., when my husband’s sister died of a heart attack at age 53. My husband felt just like you did. “This is something I really don’t need to hear right now!”
I’d wager that it’s not so much about your weight or your husband’s smoking or your beliefs as your mom knowing she can’t fix her sister, so she’s latching onto whatever she thinks she can fix.
Try to patient with her. She’s coping the best way she knows how.
I know she’s upset, and I’m trying to be patient and bite my tongue. I just wanted to vent a little, mostly.
I hope you don’t feel like we’re all jumping in your shit. It sucks to be in that kind of maelstrom. The fact that I knew my M-I-L was dealing with a grievous loss did not make her comments less hurtful. And when I got irritated with her, I then felt guilty. 
Do you have sibs who are going through this with you, or are you the only one?
Vent away! We’re here for you.