My baby's old enough to walk to school alone, right? Right? (slightly hysterical)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

After all, she’ll be 10 in August, and it’s only about half a mile or so, and she knows the way, and the only major intersection has crossing guards, and she’s big and wise for her age, and we’ve talked about Strangers and Road Safety and All That, and I should just firmly tell my brain to shut up when it insists on running MovieTone reels in my head about bullies from the junior high next door or child molesters along her route (she’s got curves, what 9 year old needs curves?) and I’m just being over-protective and The Boy was walking to school by himself when he was 8 and he had to cross a highway to do it and I’m probably being sexist or something worrying more about her than him but she’s a blue-eyed brunette with a booty and it’s a small town and I’m sure she’ll be perfectly fine and it’s not like I have a lot of choice right now because I’m starting a new job tonight and have to be at work before she gets out of Drama Club but I almost snuck out the door and followed her this morning but I would have gotten caught because she seemed to be expecting that because I was watching her from the window and halfway up the street she sharply turned around and glared back towards the house and why the hell did I ever teach her to walk?

I never thought I’d need a drink at 8 in the morning.

2

Yep. Plenty old.
You are doing her a favor by letting/encouraging/making her walk to school.

3

I walked to first grade with my brother who was in second grade.

Well actually we road our dinosaurs to school, uphill, both way etc. etc. etc…

4

I walked to school at about that age and turned out fine. You should relax.

Sure, one time I was kidnapped by circus people, but how often does that happen these days? And despite the continuing risk of deforestation, I’m sure there aren’t too many wolves in your part of the country.

And what do you have to worry about beyond that? Disgruntled postal workers are a thing of the past. Organ-harvesting Jehovah’s Witnesses are largely an urban legend. Witches are extinct in most of North America. It’s not pirate season. I don’t believe in Rodents of Unusual Sizes. Your kid is very safe, I’m sure.

5

I walked to school with other local kids that formed a group of 4 kids on average. This was something the parents informally set up. It gives the kids added security and somebody to talk to, so the walk isn’t to long. I suggest you see if there are local kids you can buddy your’s to. Go over rules for for walking to school with your kid. Don’t go to a stranger’s car. Take this route home. These are the places you go for help, if needed. Stay out of people’s yards.

6

I’d second that. I always feel two (or more) are safer than one. My ten-year-old just started walking to and from school, but she’s always with another kid – at least her sister, and usually one or two others.

And I’ll tell you, the strangest thing happens once the kids start doing that – as the old saying has it, out of sight, out of mind.

7

I’m thinking about letting the boy ride his bike to school next year. He’ll be twelve then. My stomach is in knots already, so my heart goes out to you! ((Marli)) We wouldn’t be letting them go if we didn’t know deep down that it’s going to be okay and it’s good for them.

8

She’s fine and it is a wonderful thing to do for her.

9

I walked home a fair bit farther when I was 9. Mom just did the who PSA schtick “Don’t take candy from strangers, never get in a strange car, don’t pet strange animals, don’t eat the gum you find stuck to the park bench, don’t scratch that in public”… Y’know, the usual stuff.

I never had a problem. The only time I go in trouble was when I started walking with other kids and we all got distracted and ended up playing at this kid’s house because he had pet rabbits, and I forgot to call my mom to let her know where I was. Hours later, she was ready to kill me.

10

I understand your concerns. MilliCal is ten, wise for her age, and we live an easy walk from school, and I get freaked at the thought her doing that walk alone.
But I walked home from kindergarten, over a longer distance, when I was 4. And I’m not sure the world is more dangerous, with more freaks, today.

11

What kind of wimpy cotton-candy paradise did you grow up in?!

Look, Marlithorn, this is not a problem. Just give the kid an Uzi, she’ll be fine, as long as you make sure she knows those things pull up and to the left. :stuck_out_tongue:

12

Leonore Skenazy, columnist for the New York Sun, gave her nine-year-old twenty bucks and left him at Bloomingdales, just to see if he could find his way home. He did fine. Here’s a reprint of the beginning of her article about it.

Her point was to quell “hysterical” attitudes parents have about their kids.

Instead, readers just got more hysterical.

13

I walked to school by myself at age 5 or 6. I was supposed to be walking with my older brother but sometimes he’d leave me behind. We usually took a shortcut through some spooky woods, they were probably only the length of a couple blocks but that was big for us. I never had any problems except for the time I was way late and took the shortcut by myself and got chased by a rabid dog* but I climbed a tree and waited for it to leave. Fortunately, I am a good climber. Wait, this is supposed to be reassuring, right? I was fine, she’ll be fine!

You taught her all the rules and safety stuff, she will appreciate being treated like an adult.
*No one believed me about the rabid dog, until a couple days later when they caught the dog and shot it in the field near school. Great thing for schoolchildren to watch. I was 6, if I was going to make something up I’d have said it was something bigger like a bear or tiger!

14

I rode my bike and/or walked to and from school in elementary school, sometimes by myself, sometimes with other kids. It was about half a mile, maybe a little more. No problem.

15

The only rock-bottom lesson when walking to school that she really needs to know by heart is, “If a stranger pulls up to you in a car, do not approach the car.” Kids get dragged into cars by strangers because they curiously, or helpfully, approach the car when it pulls up, and sometimes the perv just hauls them in, and sometimes the perv shows them a gun and orders them into the car. But if Marlikid has the self-possession and the savvy to keep a wary and safe distance, and doesn’t care that shouting towards a stranger from the sidewalk seems rude and unhelpful somehow, she’ll be fine.

And really, the basic lesson about “stranger danger” that kids need to learn is not specifics about what-to-do-if, but rather the more fundamental lesson that it’s okay to seem rude, it’s okay to “make a scene”, it’s okay to kick up an embarassing anti-social fuss. Kids are so imprinted on the need to be helpful and polite that they sometimes have difficulty staging the “this man is not my father!” scene as the books recommend.

Once she’s mastered the “it’s okay to seem rude” lesson, she can move on to the more complex corollary of the “never accept a ride from a stranger” rule: the “what to do if someone you know offers you a ride”. This involves Situation Ethics, but any 10-year-old can easily master it. Basically, if it’s a normal situation, like walking to school, and someone you know offers you a ride to school, you decline, because you’re expected to do what you always do, and your mom is expecting you to walk to school, not catch a ride with someone. Teach her that a simple “no, thanks” with a smile is more than adequate.

And if it’s an abnormal situation–stranded at school after a soccer game, miscommunication between parental units, someone was supposed to pick her up, but with sinking heart she realizes that nobody’s coming–she has to use her best judgement. If it’s another mom, no problem. Other people, she’ll just have to decide. And that’s part of living, part of the great cosmic crapshoot we call Life. You and she both have to live with that. Yeah, she could be abducted by somebody who gives her a ride home from a soccer game when you missed the memo, but she could also be struck by lightning. Life doesn’t come with guarantees. Sometimes you have to just let the kid go, and hold your breath.

Give her a cell phone. Get her something like a Tracphone, where you have control of how many minutes she’s allowed. That’ll do wonders for your peace of mind.

And make sure she’s got a list of Important Numbers in it, so she doesn’t have to stand there after the soccer game racking her brain to remember somebody’s, anybody’s phone number to give her a ride home.

ETA: I made sure all my kids understood this central truth about a perv showing you a gun and ordering you into a car: he’s NOT going to shoot you. Because…wait for it…a gun is going to go “bang!”, right? And the minute it goes “bang!”, everybody is going to look out their windows to see, “OMG, was that a GUN!?” And that’s the one thing the perv doesn’t want, is to have a lot of people looking out their windows to see what he’s doing. He’s relying on anonymity, so when he says, “Get into the car or I’ll shoot you”, tell him to go fuck himself, and then run like hell. You can put that into whatever language your family uses. :smiley:

16

And Cal, I am sure it was uphill… both ways.

17

Just this very weekend, I sent my 10-year-old son to the store a few blocks away with $20 for some new batteries.

He both reveled in the responsibility of the assignment and tried to be blase about the whole thing when he got back ("Ooooo, Dad - I actually walked out of the cul-de-sac on my own - amazing!) but was asking if we needed any errands run for the rest of the weekend…

18

Well, parts of it were uphill going in either direction.
But this isn’t your usual exagerration of Stories From the Old Days. This is just a Fact of Life – my mom couldn’t pick me up after school, so I walked home. And I started kindergarten at 4.

19

I walked a half mile to kindergarden by myself, too. I was five, not four, but a very sheltered child. Everyone has made very good points - if she is as prepared as it seems, she will be fine.

20

My kid, right now, is at the library.

He’s 12. He’s got a little cash, but no cell phone (he loses them madly). Also has cash to buy himself some lunch (he’s on school vacation at the moment, but has assignments to do.)

He’s in an urban area of Sydney. Granted, there’s just one long street between here and there, but it’s a pretty busy, crowded area even on a Tuesday afternoon. I’ve seen some strange people out and about.

I told him this: If you feel unsafe, get out of the way, go into a shop or a cafe or something until what ever is making you feel unsafe goes away. There’s payphones everywhere, you’ve memorised my numbers, call me if you need a little handholding, but other than that tell me about it when you get home.

If you feel frightened by another person (not just sort of mildly creeped out or sort of unsafe, but if someone is genuinely scaring you - like, trying to touch or grab you or something) YELL YOUR HEAD OFF. Scream and make a very public fuss - it’s a busy street, you’re obviously not an adult, someone will help you. If it turns out to be nothing, then you’re embarrassed, but nobody ever died of that. If it turns out to have been dangerous, you’ll be safe. Then call me.

If it’s raining, that’s why I bought you an umbrella, tough. :wink:

I know when the library closes and how long it takes him to meander home looking at interesting things in shop windows. I trust him to buy and eat his own lunch, usually take away to the very very very interesting old cemetery near the library. (That’s ok with me, it’s a pretty historical, really nifty place and everybody needs a study break.)

He rides a public bus to and from school every day. He has demonstrated he can think on his feet - he and every other kid wearing his school’s uniform got kicked off the bus one day. Instead of walking home (same long busy street, just further up than he’s used to going) he had a mild panic, and ended up at a friend’s house. Tried to call me - stupid Mom forgot her cell phone and wasn’t at the office. I get home, he’s late, REALLY late. I have a panic attack thinking he’s dead or dismembered. I log onto my computer to get the police number - no good calling 000 if I don’t know if he’s in immediate danger, which starts up my e-mail, which gets me an e-mail that has a subject line from my kid which starts out:

HELP MOM PLEASE RESCUE ME PLEASE!!!

So, I go from panic attack to heart attack, LOL!

Long story short, he’s having cookies and pop at a friends house while the friend’s mom (bless her) keeps an eye on him. But smart move to try e-mail, since he knows my habits and knows most days I check my home e-mail from the office (I am not normally out of the office.)

So ok, he lost it a little by not just walking home, but he had a good recovery and we talked about, ok, this street? This is X street, if you stay on it, you will see the X pub, yeah? So then you know the street next to that is your street, right?

So it’s all good.

But I still worry, cause I’m his mom.

Oh, and the kid has Aspergers Syndrome, too. I let him do this stuff anyway, cause he has to learn to live with the rest of us. :slight_smile:

So in short, Marli, your kid will be fine, I had the same panic attack the first time I let him go to the library by himself (and I’ll have it again this weekend when I let him take the train alone for the first time to his Yu Gi Oh tournament.)

Cheers,
G