And I’m not happy. I hate kids. I thought she hated kids. I have a feeling that she doesn’t really want the kid but her husband (who knew going in that she didn’t want kids) is pressuring her. This is going to have a huge impact on our relationship and yes I know it’s selfish but I’m still pissed.
I predict that you will love their kid, end up being like an Uncle to it over the years, teach him or her many lessons about life, and cry at the child’s wedding.
Why not sit her down and have a talk about the impending pregnancy (“so how’s this all going for you”)?
If it’s any consolation, kids do eventually turn into actual people. This one, being so closely related to your best friend, might even be one you actually like.
I can sympathize, though. It’s kind of like your best friend getting really involved in some major hobby that you have no interest in. My advice: after the kid comes, make occasional-to-frequent plans to get out alone with your friend and do some socializing. As a parent myself, I very much appreciate the “adults-only” time that I get with my friends.
I’ve only seen my best friend twice since she had a kid ten years ago. We do live in different parts of the state but we used to visit each other. I haven’t talked to her in ages. I don’t like children so we don’t really have common interests anymore.
Another very good friend had a baby in October. We talk occasionally about things other than the baby. Thank goodness she doesn’t send me the weekly photo shoot.
If your friendship is really all that strong, I’m sure that you guys can adjust to life changes and support each other even when one chooses a different path.
Did you get pissed about it when she decided to get married because that too meant a life change that might cause her to have less focus on you? I presume not. So I don’t really see why you can’t be happy for her on this even though it’s not something you’d want for yourself.
Speaking as an uncle who Did Not Like Kids… eh, I got over it. They’re not too interesting at the poop-and-puke-(only) stage, but once they get past that they’re lots of fun to have around. Who else will think you’ve actually accomplished something by spending an hour building the biggest Thomas the Train railway ever? And once they start talking, you find they’re smarter than you’d think.
I even find some of my nephews’ little kiddy friends sort-of amusing. Some of them. For very short periods of time. But I’d much rather spend time with my nephews than, say, many other of my relatives.
Just set the rules with your friend up-front: (1) you don’t change diapers, (2) or clean up vomit or spit-up, and (3) kid goes right back to mom upon 1 or 2 or whining. You’ll be gold.
… actually, I just settled the whining thing by telling my nephews “Oooh, that’s whining is what that is, and if you’re whining you go right back to Mom and Dad!” And now their parents and grandparents are mystified why the rugrats’ll whine about, say, sharing toys – to everyone but Uncle Lightray.
I predict that you will hardly ever see her again, unless you discover that you enjoy babysitting.
Boyo Jim - HOW do you have “Best of the worst” under your name for membership status??? Or have I missed something???
This didn’t happen with me and my best friend. Her kids are okay (eldest is about 10 now) but I’m not close to them and I still don’t have any interest in them.
I think if you’re not a ‘kid person’, you’re not a ‘kid person’. Even if they’re kids of someone you’re very close to.
I may warm to them more once they hit their teens, possibly. Possibly. 
Getting married doesn’t stop your friends from being able to go out and grab a coffee without giving a day’s notice. It doesn’t stop them from being able to go on holidays with you. It doesn’t stop them from being able to come around and visit without either a) bringing the kids of b) fretting about babysitting. It doesn’t actually stop them from doing anything, really.
Boyfriends, husbands…these are easily integrated into social get-togethers (or left alone, if they prefer) but kids aren’t.
It’s not about quantity of focus, it’s about quality. When your friends have kids and you don’t, the quality is horrible. (Okay, the quantity goes to shit too, but it’s the quality that hurts.)
Hmmm, I see my girlfriends regularly without kids. Sometimes with little notice. If you are married and have a helpful spouse, it really isn’t that difficult to say “I’m going to go grab coffee with Otto” - at least once the kid is past the breastfeeding stage. I’m going out of town with my girlfriends next weekend.
Its nice as a parent to have some friends that aren’t “kid friends” and you go off and have a grown up life with - sometimes - get this! - I don’t even TALK about my kids.
I’m sorry to hear that, Otto. You might not lose a friend when she has the baby, but experience has taught me (and others here, obviously) that friends do tend to disappear when a baby appears on the scene. I’ve never begrudged my friend disappearing when she had kids, but the fact remains that she did. All of her friends are other people with kids now. People are saying that you might like the kid, but you also might NOT like the kid - my two nieces, who I should love with all my heart, aren’t very nice people and I don’t like them very much. I think I’ve hung out with just my sister, their mother, about twice since she had them, 13 years ago.
Do you have a No Kidding chapter nearby? It’s great to socialize with people you are fairly sure won’t disappear at some point in the future when they decide to start breeding. It’s also nice to socialize with people who talk about something other than kids.
They do, but friends disappear for all sorts of reasons - a new job, a new love in their life, they move, they install World of Warcraft…
The nice thing about friends is that the good ones, you see them in a few months - even a few years, and pick up where you left off.
She’d been living with her husband pre-maritally for several years so their getting married didn’t really change anything. I’m actually the one who convinced her to give him another chance in the first days of their relationship when she was going to break it off with him. Specifically I told her to sleep with him before she dumped him because he’s kind of hot; he couldn’t get it up the first few times they tried having sex and by the time he could she liked him. That was, good lord, 14 years ago.
Ahhh. And how. And how late of me to notice, but a belated congratulations anyway. It takes dedication to be that bad!