My boss is a bastard, part 478

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m a schoolteacher. Not that it matters to this story. Bastard bosses come in many professions, but the Assistant Principal is a very special kind of dickless dick.

Dear Ass Principal,

I know I pissed you off this week with my email, in which I had the nerve to ask you (a)why you hadn’t passed on to my substitute my message about what I’d like him to do with my class, and also (b) whether or not you’d done anything to punish the kids who cheated on my last paper.

I know I pissed you off even more when you responded with an email that made vague accusations that I was in violation of my contract by not having a folder for the sub in the office and didn’t answer either of my questions, and I responded by pointing out that (a)I did have a folder in the office, though of course the sub had brought it up to my classroom since I was absent, and (b) you still hadn’t answered either of my questions.

And I know that (a) you know that there’ll be major layoffs this month, since the school has mismanaged its funds to the point where it can’t afford to pay everyone, and (b) you know that I know this.

So when your secretary called to arrange a meeting for today and wouldn’t tell me what it was about, that means either (a) I’m being laid off, or (b) you want to hassle me to try to distract me from the fact that (a)you didn’t do your job by sending a sub to my room without a short and simple message that would have made his life a lot easier, and (b) you haven’t done shit to the cheating students.

My guess is that the latter is true- I don’t think I’m being laid off because I teach English, and I’m pretty sure you don’t have anyone who can teach my classes for the rest of the year if I go away.

Which means that you either (a) deliberately tried to make me think I’m about to be laid off, because you’re a sick sadist who gets off on the thought of my worry, or (b) you’re stupider than a sack of cold rocks, and didn’t make the connection that I’d think I was being laid off.

And since today’s a snow day, now I have to sweat it out all weekend.

So, Ass Principal, would you like (a) to be fucked sideways with a claw-hammer, or (b) for me to tie rocks to your ankles and throw you in the river just to watch you sink?

Sincerely,

FisherQueen

2

Y’know,

if you shot him it would probably be “justified homicide”

3

I wish I had realized when I was in school that my teachers used phrases like “fucked sideways with a claw-hammer,” occasionally. It would have made them seem so much more human.

4

What an ass. Your principal is hardly a respectable one, he’s a business man. I authorize the sideways claw-hammer.

I remember when I was a student in junior high. Although I was full of angst at the time, I understand now that my principal was someone who cared about the faculty, as well as the students. These days, it’s about the bottom line. Think about it, schools have CEO’s. Fucking CEO’s!!! Of schools! Bad bad bad I tell ya.

5

“Ass Principal” - hee. Made me laugh out loud.

6

didn’t you know? any word is funnier with an ‘ass’ prefix.
asshat
assmonkey
assclown
assBaptist

etc.

as for the OP…well, as the hubby of a teacher, i feel your pain. Her new ass-principal is all about dressing up in fancy suits and not doing anything about discipline, which is supposedly her main function.

7

“AssBaptist”? Jesus, Stonebow, you almost got me in real trouble here at work. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a good long while.

As to the OP, I used to teach, but my administrators were always supportive, so I can’t really commiserate with you. Hope your meeting goes OK.

BTW, my vote on “why did the secretary not tell you what the meeting was about” is A. Not your getting laid off, but that the AssPrincipal is a sadist. My sincere condolences.

8

heh I can tell you’re a teacher. That letter read like a multiple choice test!!

I hope you’re not getting laid off. The world needs MORE teachers, not less! grrr :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

9

Ooohh! Ohhooh! I vote (b) -then we can all watch !

Hey, no reason you can’t insert the claw hammer, then make him hit the river- but the extra weight may make him sink too fast… damn math puzzles :smiley:

10

FEWER! FEWER, DAMMIT!

Okay, done now.

11

Those who can, do.

Those who can’t, teach.

Those who can’t teach… go into administration.

12

If he does choose (a) I hope you remember to use some lapping compound to give him every possible benefit of the experience. And then, like Annie suggests, go with (b) anyways. :smiley:

13

And of course, you’;re not calling him the AntiChrist, but the numbers 665 are branded on his forehead. :rolleyes:

14

Just curious, which way is sideways when you’re holding the claw hammer. For total insertion, handle first might end up being the worst/most painful option :eek:

15

The handle first method may cause some resistance. It is best to get the claw in right away.

16

Update?

17

Update:

I am not, of course, laid off. I mentioned to my boss that he had caused me a significant amount of anxiety by choosing this method to tell me what he had to say (that, while he is willing to arrange for a sub, he doesn’t consider passing on lesson messages to be part of his job). He seemed surprised by this, but not overly remorseful.

Then today, in my mailbox, the return of an office referral. I wrote it last week, sending him for discipline a boy who a female student of mine complained had hit her in her feminine regions. Apparently, he held it for a week without doing anything, then gave it back, saying I should handle it myself.

I guess that would be part 479.

Did you know that there’s a muscle below my eye which, although I can’t move it voluntarily, twitches at a more rapid rate the more stressed I am?

18

I had a computer teacher in HS (very cool guy btw, became prety good friends), who when someone in class would swear while he was on the phone, would yell “Will you kids shut the fuck up and watch your goddamn mouths!?!?!”. You never heard kids laugh so hard.

19

Those who can’t administrate… still go into administration.

20

Spunds more like he’s a lazy man who simply doesn’t want to actually do anything than a sadist.