Well, would you want to cheat on your violent ex-con SO?
Just kidding. Seriously, though, if my SO was going to jail and I was already thinking about what to do with my free time I wouldn’t call that a good sign vis-a-vis our relationship.
Let’s remember this guy is facing the possibility of a short stint in jail, not prison. There’s a huge difference in the culture due to the temporary nature of jail stays versus the more permanent one of prison incarceration.
I speak from experience as I’ve been to both, mostly because I’m an enormous douchebag.
And start digging a tunnel right away. 60 days isn’t much time.
He’d only be a victim if he didn’t make a shiv to defend himself.
At least the rape jokes haven’t rolled out yet.
I thought this odd also. 60 days is not that long a time.
We’re just trying to suggest that considering whether or not to stay with him should be part of your coping strategy.
For your own sake, ask yourself this: Is this incident a consequence of some underlying problem, like substance abuse or anger issues? If so, is he getting treatment?
She’s not asking for sympathy or advice for him: she’s asking sympathy or advice for herself. And I am not sure that the nature of his crime determines whether or not she deserves sympathy: I mean, I’d have sympathy for the spouse of someone going to jail for kiddie porn.
I will admit that the nature of the crime could change the advice I’d give, but the OP seems to take it as a given that whatever happened is not a dealbreaker for the relationship.
For the record, a DUI conviction isn’t a big deal nowadays in most professions. I know a number of government folks who have had DUIs, and it didn’t seem to impact their job or clearance at all. I know of one contractor got a DUI, and then applied for a government job two months later. He got the job without a problem.
I thought the exact same thing. It sounds relatively co-dependent and at the same time like she may *want *to see other guys…
I’m with **Dio **on this… This is either not a first misdameanor offense, or he faces having a suspended 60 sentence revoked for failing to abide by his probation. I don’t think anyone who gets in trouble once is an automatic douche, but this does smell like a pattern (while I admittedly have very little information, IAAL).
Whether or not this will totally screw your boyfriend’s job prospects completely depends on information we don’t have. Employers will look at criminal history, in some industries it is a dealbreaker, in some it is not. The more highly skilled your boyfriend is (or the more desirable his skill set would be to an employer) the less impact it is going to have. Any crime of moral turpitude (lying, cheating, stealing) will obviously have a bigger impact than your driving charges or minor drug charges. He may even be elligible for a work force/work release program (and could continue in the job after he serves his time). This happens often.
I’d suggest you embrace the time you are having off from your boyfriend. Start a new project or hobby. Or start a new fitness regime. Do something fun for yourself.
I’ve been through this. It was really, really sad. We decided to call it quits/take a break beforehand, got back together a few months after he got out. Be prepared to be lonely. Make sure a close friend or two knows what you’re going through, and hang out with that person- that way they can either listen if you need to cry or occupy you if you want to think about something else. Write to him A LOT- they really appreciate correspondence, and it will give him something to do when he writes back to you. Also, if you haven’t been to court yet, GET A LAWYER. NOW. If you try defend yourself or use the public defender, his chances of going to jail rather than probation/house arrest go way up (in my experience.)
And one more piece of advice- in my case, it wasn’t a good idea to get involved with him again. He had gotten a DUI (not uncommon) and broke his probation by smoking pot (not uncommon.) But those two things together spoke volumes about his level of dependability and common sense. He also had a lot of other drug problems and things which eventually spelled the end of our relationship (do a search on my thread asking for advice about him.) Your boyfriend may be a perfectly lovely man who just happened to make a dumb mistake, but please consider if this speaks to a larger problem.
Good luck.
Ohh, just a heads up for your boyfriend.
At least at our local jail, apparently standard procedure is to keep the place meat locker cold. And its not like they allow you heavy quilts to sleep in or let you run around in fur coats. If your bo doesn’t like the cold, he might want to break out the swim trunks, crank up the AC, and get somewhat acclimated now.
That sums it up just about perfectly, Green Rosetta.
How does it sound co-dependent?
I have gotten a day for having a glass bottle of apple juice in a public park, and being with lots of people with pot.
If it is a felony, many jobs will be out of reach, but not all- most importantly, own up to them! It is much worse to be caught lying than to have made a mistake or two, as long as it is non-violent. If it was violence, he is kinda fucked…
This is all true, 'specially the race thing. Sad. But true.
Me too. More than once, and the first time was for apple juice. I suck…
Or, on the other hand, it might be totally undeserved. It’s really not our place to judge her, is it? So dial it back.
I should rephrase, not co-dependent to the degree Melody Beattie writes about, but some of the OPs phrases just throw up a mild flag of dependance more than just, I’ll miss him. Co-Dependent is too harsh…and I am probably over sensitive to these kinds of things…having been in a long term co-dependent relationship my sensitivities are piqued easily.
Just do your own time.
That’s my advice for the OP, separate though the same as I’d advise him.
Unless it’s a miscarriage of justice, yes.