We’ve been together for 3 years. He called me his family. But now he’s broken up with me. He says that the reason is that he needs to get his act together. He’s lived in his mother’s house for 18 years and he does not feel like a man. He says I am the best woman he’s ever know, but now that he has moved into a small crappy apartment and he feels he needs to get his shit together, he needs to do this alone.
I am destroyed by this.
I’m sorry to hear about this. It can be very difficult, but it does get better eventually.
That sucks. Right before Christmas, too.
I hope the sun shines on you again soon.
I have to say his reasons make no sense to me, as you paraphrase them anyway. Why exactly does cutting his apron strings mean you can’t be together any more? In what way is his shit not together?
Really?
He’s telling her that in an attempt to let her down easy. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
OP, I hope you feel better soon. We’ve all been there- it sucks now but it does get better.
I’m sorry. This completely sucks. Yes, it does get better but right now, it SUCKS.
Take gentle care of yourself.
I am not going to offer a ton of “plenty of fish in the sea” stuff. It’s devastating right now and it probably hurts to breathe.
It will pass, eventually. For now, try not to be too alone, allow yourself to be distracted by friends and family.
I’m sorry to hear that. His reasons don’t make much sense to me, either, but that’s where you are regardless.
:: hugs :: I’ve been there. Sometimes it helps just to indulge in your misery for a bit. Let yourself mourn. Listen to emo music, wrap yourself up in a blanket and cry on a friend’s shoulder.
Honey, he found someone else 8 months ago. You can’t say you didn’t see this coming.
Looking at the other post AmblyDoper mentions, I’d say that he may well be telling you the truth. Men go through a “coming of age” period, and he’s missed his, by some measures (depending on his age). I lived with a girlfriend for about three years and, finally, it came down to me saying “I never wanted to live with you or anyone until I got my career on a solid track.” Or something to that extent. Still love her to death, but it’s easier to get one’s priorities in line without worryi8ng about someone else’s priorities at the same time.
And, in reference to the linked thread from AblyDoper, I don’t see any reason to think that he’s bisexual. Believe it or not, we don’t want sex ALL the time. Like Bob Dylan once said/sang: “When I am in the darkness, why do you intrude?”
Sorry to hear it. Spend a few days pampering yourself and taking it easy. Listen to some sad songs and watch some bad tv/movies. Then try to enjoy the holiday and start planning for some new habits for the coming year.
Find something to try. Ever want to take a cooking class? Crochet/knitting class? Dance class? Join a book club? Learn to decorate a cake? Paint?
Pick something and start something new just for yourself. It’ll give you a new perspective, maybe introduce you to some new people and take your mind off things.
Dragongirl, I’m sorry to hear that your heart has been broken! And yes, it double-sucks that it’s this close to Christmas! But others have given good advice: be kind to yourself (treat yourself at least as well as you’d treat your best friend who’d just had her heart broken), let yourself be distracted, know that the pain does ease, but it does take time. You will go through a period of grieving (for the lost relationship) so let yourself grieve. Give yourself time.
The local talk show host uses this term in when relationships are broken and it’s so true. Consider yourself so lucky to be shed of this boy. Look for a man and try to avoid boys from now on.
Well, if he’s been living in his mother’s house “for 18 years”, and they had been together for three years, I’m going to guess chances are very good that Dragongirl was dating a boy quite appropriately. I mean, from what I’m reading, the OP can’t be more than in her early 20s, right?
Sorry to hear that. Get yourself a bunch of good break up songs…a bunch of chocolate…indulge yourself with a day in wallow. Then, call your friends and say “I need you…keep me busy.” Start forcing yourself to have fun. Color your hair. Lose the five pounds you want to. Buy new shoes and go dancing.
It sucks, it gets better, and eventually you do say “what did I see in him again?” But it takes time and distance.
If you are as young as he is, be prepared to go through this a few more times. Date. Different people. Its what you are supposed to do when you are young in our society. Some will dump you, some you will dump. One - eventually - will stick.
I’m guessing that this is the first time you’ve been seriously dumped. It sucks, but don’t worry, time is a great healer. It really is.
When you’ve been around the block a time or two getting dumped gets a bit easier.
What am I saying? NO IT FUCKING DOESN’T! But there’s a bit more perspective.
Best wishes.
Two words. Ben & Jerry’s.
Maximum dosage one half gallon.
Stereotyping, I know. The point being to treat yourself and damn the world and it’s opinions. So ice cream. Massage. Star Trek marathon. Do whatever makes you feel good.
But give me a heads up if a Babylon 5 fest is in the planning.
Sorry to hear that. He really had poor timing to say the least. Grrrr. Hang in there. hugs
I am sorry to hear your news and I know that nothing I say here will make your pain any less - but I will send out supporting thoughts.
Here’s a wish that your pain heals quickly.