Apparently, after three and a half years and what I thought was a potential marriage, I am now officially single.
It seems he just plain wasn’t happy with me anymore. I can’t argue with that*.
I’m not the most voracious poster in the world, so you probably don’t know who I am, and I’m sure you don’t know what The Ex and I have been through together and overcame.
However, if anyone can spare some internet hugs, cliche “it will get better” lines, etc, they’d be appreciated.
And if anyone in South Jersey wants to take a pretty, but sad, young girl out for drinks sometime, I won’t hold it against ya either. I can only sit here and listen to “Please Please Please” so many times before I start to crack.
[sub]*I did anyway. For about two and a half tear-soaked, pathetic hours. I have no pride.[/sub]
It hurts less with time. May not feel that way now, but it will. If I were in NJ, I’d take you out for drinks, but I think I might have the wrong plumbing for you!
I’m sorry. Be kind to yourself, and take time to grieve.
I don’t know if you want to hear this, and it won’t be any consolation right now, I imagine, but in time maybe it will be some consolation to know that you two just weren’t right for each other, and any marriage would have been doomed to failure or misery.
Er, also, it could just be me, but I found your title a bit confusing. I thought maybe you were talking about a work of fiction, like a role playing game or story or something that involved “slash fiction*”, and the “not really” was referring to the fantasy aspect of such things. I assume what actually you meant was that you weren’t entirely blindsided by the break up but had hints that it would happen?
Whatever you do, don’t feel ashamed that you feel sad. Feeling sad is a natural and healthy way of coping. Our society places such a stigma on singlehood and on sadness that totally doesn’t help with the post-breakup blues.
Big hug. If you’re ever up in Boston, shoot me a PM and we’ll catch some drinks.
YMM, of course, V, but I can personally I say that I’m not ready to be married and I don’t think anyone my age I’ve met really is either (which is not to say it can’t work).
Anyway, the important thing is not to think of the relationship as a waste. Lots of people “our” age look back after a breakup and think about how much time they spent with someone they weren’t meant to be with.
That doesn’t make any sense. If you didn’t enjoy the relationship for what it was - the immediate pleasure of each others’ company, that is - then you shouldn’t have stayed in it anyway. If dating someone doesn’t make you happy, marrying them certainly won’t.
Also, I think living in South Jersey severely limits your options. Move to sunny Florida, where there are good-looking boys as far as the eye can see (and me, too!). You know you want to. Besides, all your old neighbors are already here.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m eternally grateful that my (now) husband was once dumped by his fiancee of many years. She met this other man on the plane on the way out to a family trip in Vegas. . .
Anyway, hindsight being 20/20, it never would have worked out. Better to find this out sooner than two weeks before the wedding (as a friend of mine did - what an expensive logistical nightmare that was!), or worse, two weeks after.
It does get better.
In early 2006, I dumped my then-fiancee. We hated each other, and it was right to leave. A few months later, I met someone who is much, much better for me. I think we’ve argued twice since then, and it’s been about my laziness with the household chores both times.
I just came by to tell you I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. And that there’s no pill for this pain.
In case it helps, let me just say that if you look around you may notice that you are not alone. Every single other person on this little globe of ours knows what it’s like. Every. One. In fact, this experience ties you to every one of us. We know. We’ve been there too.
Not that we have any magical answers. Sometimes the only way through, is through. But please know you are not alone.
And if you need to talk we’re right here.
Hope tomorrow brings you a better day. I’ll be thinking of you. Good luck.
It sucks. It will continue to suck. But it will suck less each day. Then one day you will realize that it doesn’t really suck anymore. About a year ago, I had someone dump me out of the blue. My best girlfriend came over immediately with chocolate cake and wine. It made me feel better. I hope your time of suck is shorter than mine was.
offers Br’er Lapin some chocolate cake and wine No, no, have as much as you like.
It will get better, and often beyond 100%. There’s a lot of good stuff about being single.
You need to remember the bad stuff aboud being in a relationship too - it’s easy to forget that, but rose-coloured glasses can be your biggest obstacle to forward progress.
Good luck. I’d buy you a drink too, but it’s a long swim.
