I realized during the events of the last two weeks that being single really sucks.
I used to think it was okay. I used to believe that I was okay with being a single woman, independant and having a life free of restrictions. Well, Sept 11th truly changed that for me.
After sitting here for two weeks I realize that I can’t rely upon my family for the mental massage I need, that had I had the right man in my life he could have easily given me the strength I need to work through this and I him. I realized that it’s not about money, living a “perfect life” but living a life that has more than waking, eating, drinking and sleeping.
It is my wish that all my single friends here on the boards and elsewhere are able to find their loved one. The one that makes you tingle and have the ability to turn to in the realm of a crazy world like we so recently experienced.
I don’t know about all of you that are single like me but I feel an extreme sense of loss and sadness as I don’t have one to cling to all night. I don’t have that man (or for some of you woman) that I can honestly cry and hold on to in the uncertainty of what’s to come. It’s empty and sad and knowing I can’t rely solely upon those I love makes me sad for the fact I have pushed out those who may or may have not loved me in the past.
I am a single guy and it is almost like all my coupled friends and family have closed ranks into the smallest group divisible by 2 (using only whole numbers). And my oldest brother ,John, who is divorced and not currently dating, just doesn’t want to talk about it. I think he is sneaking off to his ex for comfort. Jerk.
Having been single for the last ten years, remarried in June of this year, never regret being single. It’s a huge huge culture shock to go from being single for many years to having someone around 24/7. I enjoy being married again, but given the choice, I wouldn’t do it again.
I’m single and I had a pretty rough day on 9/11. I found out my little 4 yr old nephew wasn’t walking. Scared teh heck out of me, didn’t know what it was. THen was worrying about my cousin who was suppsoed to fly from NY to DC that morning, and of course watching the terrorism on the slowwww internet that day at work and not knowing what was going on. Got home and after watching the terrorism stuff on tv, just broke down that night. Broke up with someone in spring, and just couldn’t take anymore bad news that day.
Sure woulda helped to have someone there. Then again, maybe being alone and crying wasn’t something I could have done with someone else anyway. Hopefully none of us will have to go thru that again. We’re stronger now, right?
I know what you mean. It would have been nice to have someone around the last couple of weeks.
They say there’s someone for everyone. Of course, my One is probably huddled in a yurt somewhere in Siberia and we’ll never meet. Ah, well. It’s only another 50 years or so…
Of course, they never tell you where to go to MEET this person. Suppose I’ve met my Miss Right and flipped her off in traffic! I’m gonna be miserable for the rest of my life because ‘Miss Wonderful’ can’t use a turn signal…
I hear ya, Techie. I spent most of the 11th at my ex’s mom’s place with him and the family-- we all live relatively close together, he knew I didn’t want to be alone, and he was freaking out too, so it worked ok. But with the exception of those few hours I’ve been alone (not counting work, of course) and it has sucked big time.
I would give just about anything for someone to go home to. We weren’t living together, but there was still that contact, either chatting on AIM or getting together at his place.
As I told a friend recently, everything that hurt before the 11th hurts more now. Knowing about other people’s losses and the enormity of the tragedy does put things in perspective but at the same time, it makes me feel lonlier and sadder.
My daughter is old enough to understand what’s going but at 14, she’s still young enough to need me to convince her and her little brother that everything is going to okay, they’re safe and that there’s no need for them worry unduly about our military friends, many of them already being deployed.
But there really isn’t anyone here to do that for me and it’s gotten harder over the last week as I’ve discovered I knew more people who have died or are still listed as missing from the attacks.
I’ve been wandering in denial really. If I keep the news feeds off I can almost pretend this isn’t happening. The old ostrich approach because I’ve got no one to cling too. The Net holds many friends and many comforts, but I’ve just wanted to crawl into a hug and not come out for a few days. Ah well.
I have always been the independent type, to the point of feeling shamed to ask for help. My boyfriend knew I was out of my mind and holding the pain and confusion under a thin veneer of bravado. He knew if he had come home with me, I would’ve used him for a crutch and not dealt with it properly, in my own way. He knows that I would’ve felt weak and not come out of this like I always do. So, I was denied the comfort of the easy way out. It seems cruel, but Bing knows what he’s doing. All the same, Techchick68, I know how you feel. You might want to try walking through the 5 stages of grief. Compare them to what the community is doing and then to yourself. That’s what seemed to help the most.
What maybe got me the most was that my ex-wife called me on the afternoon of September 11…and I was gratefulfor it. Part of me wants to hate myself for that.
Just FYI for some of the people that think I am whining, I am not. What it is is a realization that my sterile life living alone with only a cat and a dog has made me rethink my resolve to stay single.
I realize that there are people that are in mourning, horrific mourning, something I wouldn’t wish upon any person. But since this is such a HUGE tragedy, it has touched us all, there are thoughts and feelings I need to work through that only an SO could help me through. I may not have been directly affected by the events of 9/11 it weighs heavy on my mind. To have someone to turn to, not to overburden my family or friends dealing with the same feelings, to have that other in my life would help me understand my feelings better.
Well, that said, I refuse to go on a man-hunt. If he’s there for me (whoever he is) we will find each other someday. < sigh >
Preach it, sister! I think not having someone around makes things harder to deal with, because I can’t say, “I’m going to freak out for a while, you take care of things until I’m better, and then you can freak out for however long you need to.” Even if I had to be the one totally sane and reassuring at this time, it’d be easier for me to handle because that would help me take my mind off of things. Instead, I’m just totally bummed out and nothing gets done around here, which bums me out even more because I know I should be doing the laundry, washing clothes, etc, but I just don’t care. After all, its just me here, and its not like someone else is going to have to do it if I don’t.
I’ll also throw another thing out there that hits me when I’m on one of my downward spirals with no one to pull me out of: If I had been one of those poor unfortunate’s to die in the WTC or the Pentagon, no one would miss me or remember me for very long after I was gone.
And, uh, vix, how YOU doin’? (Not that I’m dark, or really tall, but I’ve been told I’m handsome.)
