So I had to do one of those annoying “interview each other and REALLY get to know the group” excersizes for the godammed improv group I should have dropped out of when you all told me to months ago. The normal questions (where were you born?) with a few Swiddle-suggested zingers (what bumper stickers are on your car? If you were a musical genre, what musical genre would you be?) thrown in. One of the questions was “who is your lover/spouse?” So my partner got to be the one to announce to the group “nope. Swiddles doesn’t have a boyfriend. Not a one.” At least he pretended to be surprised. To which my SISTER said “Well, I could lend you one of mine.” In typical demure Swiddle fashion, I remarked “Hey, I’m looking for quality here, not sheer numbers.” She threw her pen at me.
The point is: why the hell is it a negative thing that I happen to have not run into anyone that strikes my fancy recently? The announcement that I wasn’t dating anyone got a rousing “Ahhhhhh…” from the group. Well, maybe it’s just because I’m a tad touchy, but FUCK YOU ALL. I hate to be pitied, and I really hate to be pitied for something that A.) I could remedy myself by throwing myself at someone, ala SisterRiddles or B.) really has no bearing on who I am or where my life is leading me. Pity me because you think I’m a horrible person, fine. But don’t pity me because I’m not godammed DATING anyone.
So this is the thread for single people to bitch about being pitied for being single. There will be no flirting here. If it occurs, I will taunt you, and then taunt you a second time. Trust me, it ain’t pretty. That is the reason this is in the Pit. I want PURE bitterness here, people.
Swiddles, hon, here, have a beer. Welcome to a world that assumes we’re all in pairs, or want to be. I can tell you that breaking up with my latest S.O. was a sharp lesson in having people pity me for my return to single-dom. Now, who broke up with whom is irrelevant, and the pain of breaking up is irrelevant as well, but I too resent the implication that any man – no matter how bad – is better than no man at all. (And this is not a shot at my former S.O., who is awesome and will be the perfect mate for some lucky girl; just not me.)
Tell them to save their “aawwws” for the legions of men who have fallen at your feet, only to be ignored as unworthy, and who therefore will be left to pine away from love-sickness as you continue to have a rich and fulfilling life on your own.
Actually, I thought the “quality, not quantity” line was pretty good.
Several of my friends envy me (or claim to). Most of them are married, and I love to regale them with tales of my spontaneous road trips, often to other states. Usually in the course of these I have some sort of an adventure, sometimes just sightseeing, sometimes intermingling with members of the opposite sex, usually in seedy bars. My freedom is absolute, which is something I learned to appreciate, then love, once I quit pissing and moaning about my girlfriend leaving me. When the time comes to get serious with somebody, I will. Until then I plan to continue to enjoy myself.
I’d rather be single until I found someone I work well with than be in a horrible relationship due to sheer gravity, like I was for (officially) the first two and (unofficially)the next four months of this year.
Rest securely, Swiddles, your zinger was right on target. Don’t let the communal sigh of “sympathy” spook you out. You made the right point; just carry it off with a high hand.
(BTW, you’re much nicer than I am: the temptations of the phrase ‘sloppy seconds’ would have been irresistable. Or a Grouchesque ‘I wouldn’t want anyone you could give away.’)
Single doesn’t mean lonely, and coupled doesn’t mean happy. Actually, your line was better: quality makes all the difference. Being comfy and fine by yourself is a damned good definition of sanity and strength.
You can’t give what you don’t have, and I for one find clingy, desperate neediness frightening. If someone can’t stand their own company, what’s to offer? C’mon, any bozo can pick up a warm body, project a few fantasies and play out scenarios, using the other person as a screen.
Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with with being picky. It doesn’t mean snobbery or demanding perfection (borrring!) but refusing to play the game, for the game, is a damned fine way to live.
You rock, Swiddles, and don’t let anyone persuade you differently.
Then there are some of us who have to endure the “You’ll find someone eventually” line for what seems like eternity. A hearty “Fuck You!” to all those who spout such bullshit.
Fuck 'em. If the pack of needy-ass, hamster-brained co-dependents can’t stop salivating fit to make Pavlov blush over the double-sized Fall Bread and Circuses edition of Maximopolitan long enough to look up the distinction between “alone” and “lonely” in a dictionary, they’re not even worth the calories you’d have to burn to throw up your hands in disgust. Maybe for your next actor’s exercise, you can suggest they all try to mime a fish riding a bicycle. They won’t get it, but at least they’ll provide you with some temporary amusement.
If it makes you feel any better, while I’ve never been pitied that I know of, a few of my friends did speculate out loud that perhaps I was gay. I suppose my rapier wit and instinctive sense of fashion didn’t exactly butress the case for the opposition.
Oh, I can one-up that. A particular girl (whom I happen to have had a crush on for two fuckin’ years… stupid SPOOFE, stupid!) once said that she didn’t know if I preferred men or women. And she’s (supposedly) well-aware of where my feelings lie.
There was an article in the Washington Post recently (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A47198-2000Sep11.html) where the author basically stated that being single was a crime against humanity, and included such gems as “It’s crazy to think you can be really happy living alone.” I read the article and wanted to scream…um, last I checked, I knew plenty of happy single people. SHEESH!
You want to hear another sick one? A dear friend lost her husband to fulminant hep B. She had to face friends with their knowledge that hep B is usually sexually transmitted. IE: he was unfaithful to her. On top of that, HIV comes along as an opportunistic rider so she had to be tested periodically afterward. But the real kicker is that many friends dropped her off their social calendar and making new friends was ridiculously harder all because she is now a widow. You would think that someone 32 years old and a widow would have some sympathy vote…no, according to her it’s been as if she knocked the fucker off herself.
Nothing wrong with being single, I’ve been single for about 4 years. I think I may have been pitied for it by a friend or two, but, big deal. I’m very selective and not in a good position currently to meet other single people. There’s plenty of ordinary girls I could get in a relationship with, but I’d rather get with someone special, than just get with someone. I understand exactly what you’re saying swiddles, just don’t let it bother you. The world is full of ignorant people.
Eve had a great thread going a few weeks back on being a single woman. Seems that most women are starting to chose that life style simply because…guess why??? THEY WANT TO!!
I’ve been single for 10 years now, been engaged 3 times over those years, had several long-term relationships, but I finally realized that I’m just not ready to give up my freedom. And no matter what anyone says, in marriage you do have to give up certain freedoms. Not to say that is bad, but it’s just life.
If the right one comes along fine, if not, fine. I find it interesting for the time being to be the observer and not the participant.
I am single. Sometimes I think I’d enjoy being half of a couple, but then there are those times when I have plans and I say “fuckit. I wanna do something else.” Hard to do that when you’ve got an SO.
Swiddles, the reason I was surprised you are single (when I found out a while ago) is that you are, as has been elsewhere expressed, an aristocratic beauty. You also have a quality to you such that you appear to be doing just fine with no SO, which can scare some guys (the shy ones, mainly) off.
Exactly…and double that “Fuck You!” to every family member and friend that has ever said, “When are you going to find someone nice and settle down? Everybody else is settling down…”
You are a gifted and beautiful woman. You have a combination of brains and beauty that is barely paralleled even here in the SDMB.
When others seek to make fun of you for something as silly as the fact that you are single, simply say “well I haven’t met NothingMan yet”.
OK. Maybe “I am keeping my slate clean for the right man”.
Quite frankly, the fact that you even worry about such nonsense is sort of pointless. You are a catch. To quote “Swingers” : “You are so money you don’t even know it”.
Darling do not let others get you down because you are single - know within yourself that you are simply growing to be ready for the right one.
One final note - I shall be devastated when you find him.
When I get a wiseass remark, I just tell the person, “I read somewhere that married men live longer than single men, but that single women live longer than married women.”
Usually shuts them up.
Of course, you can’t win with these people. When you tell them to piss off, they act all smug and spout crap like “See? See? You really are frustrated. You really do need a mate!”
:rolleyes:
Married couples ought to be grateful for us single folk. It gives them something to talk about.
I know you meant that tongue-in-cheek (sort of) but guys, I don’t think Swiddles is exactly asking for your reassurance here. She’s not “despondent”, she’s freakin’ annoyed.
And iampunha, honey, I don’t think she needs any dating tips from you - “Maybe you’re just scaring them away?”
Crikey.
Swiddles, this has come up in a couple of other threads relating to religion and I think in the “you would be so pretty if only” thread - People who get all of their self-worth from something can’t stand to see anyone not doing things their way. This is especially insidious when it comes to dating, because this is where you find the freaks who think any relationship is better than no relationship.
People who feel like they would be nothing if it weren’t for their significant other need to find some way of feeling superior to you. You’ve posted about SisterRiddles’ wonderful dating habits before - is she still chasing that guy with a girlfriend?
The absolute worst, of course, is when one of your friends, the one who sat around and bitched about the opposite sex with you during the dry spell, suddenly finds a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is where you separate the weak from the strong. Strong people are cool when they fall in love. They tell you about it in a way that makes you happy for them. Weak people are another story. Suddenly all that stuff your friend said about “being her own person” and “being happy single” and “not needing anyone else” goes out the window. Then you get to hear all about how great it is to be in love (it is great, when it happens) and watch your friend turn into some kind of Stepford version of herself. Every conversation comes back to her significant other. You express annoyance with this, and that’s when she brings out the big guns. “If you had a boyfriend, you’d understand!” or “You’re just jealous of my happiness” or the worst “Why don’t I set you up with my boyfriend’s friend Rob? We can double! It will be great!”
Actually mags I was not being sarcastic. I truly believe that Swiddles is a catch. No, I do not think she needs or desires “reassurance”. That was not my intention. I was simply expressing an opinion.