Consider me buggered. 
Merely suggesting that what turned out to be your sincere declaration of adoration had that sort of “You’re wonderful, of course you’ll find someone” ring that I’m guessing Swiddles DOES NOT want to hear right now.
Hmmm…I’m going to side with magdalene on this one.
This is so true. Don’t you hate it when you have a good single friend who finds a SO, then gets their head totally stuck up their SO’s ass. Grrrr.
But they always come crawling back when their little world falls apart. What fun! Then you get to have slumber parties and long telephone conversations where you dissect every aspect of the relationship from beginning to end.
“I think he broke up with me because of his childhood. He fears abandonment, therefore he needs to abandon me. Oh, his poor deep tortured soul!”
“No, he broke up with you because you’re too fucking clingy and he didn’t feel like satisfying your every aching need just then.”
While I’m in a relationship, it certainly is not the end-all be-all of my life. I love my boyfriend dearly, but at times I supremely miss my solitude and the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about someone else.
I just promised one of my friends last night that I would NOT become one of those assholes who is trying to get all of their single friends into a couple. I remember all too well being single for eleven years and people telling me such crap as: ‘when you stop looking the right person will come along,’ or ‘it will happen if you stop trying so hard.’ I have4 standards, which is why it took this long to find someone I wanted to commit to. Why the hell should I compromise what is important to me to be in a relationship?
Go for what you want a live your life as you feel is right.
If the right person comes along, great. if they don’t, you are still complete within yourself, and fuck anyone who thinks that without a partner you are only half of a fucking whole.
I heard about a woman a few years ago who got so sick of that treatment that she married herself. She figured that if the only thing her friends and family were concerned about was her being taken care of (and that she’d get to have a wedding which is a really dumb reason to want someone married), well, then, she’d vow in front of all of them to take care of herself. She had a beautiful ceremony and reception. She gave herself a nice ring and everything.
And no, she didn’t do it for the gifts. She specified no gifts on the invitation. People were so thrilled that they gave her gifts anyway.
Supposedly that shut everyone up.
I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy "Better to be alone than to be with an asshole."
I like being single. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t consider marriage. I would. But it is not a goal. Just like having kids is not a goal - it’s something I’d consider if circumstances were right, but I don’t have a burning desire to reproduce. This is another thing I’ve gotten shit for - some people think you’re some kind of monster if you’re a woman who doesn’t particularly want kids. Well, bite me. Unlike some people who breed indiscriminantly without even considering if they can emotionally and physically support a child, or who have kids because they think they’re supposed to, I have actually thought about this issue.
And as far as “scaring men off,” I suppose I’ve been guilty of this. But frankly, I think this says a lot more about them than it does about me.
I wish I found women agressive enough to scare me. I can be rather passive in nature…which of course led one girl to break up with me because “I didn’t try sleeping with her after the second date…” Not like she had ever made a single move towards me…
My God. I give up…
The ever-wise maggie is right (that’s like the 4th time I’ve typed a sentance like that about her. She’s OSC. One Smart Chick.), though I apprechiate NothingMan’s motivations. The issue has nothing to do with self-esteem, I am an arrogant and vain little thing. I fully agree that the fact that the scent of desperation doesn’t roll off of me like stink off a skunk probably has something to do with the fact that I’m not beating men off with a stick. But frankly, if I meet someone I am suitably attracted to to make it worth my while, I’d like to think I have enough cajones to ask myself. We’re not in the 18th century, I don’t sit by my fire knitting, waiting for some guy to burst into my door. The fact is, I live in a small city, and quality is hard to find. But I’m only freakin’ 20, it’s not like I’m two steps away from the sperm bank in desperation here.
Lux, I have half a mind to print off your post and make it into a bumper sticker. Amen, my brother. I consider myself a feminist, and the fact that these people who know me and like me PITY me because I don’t have a man to take care of my supposed fragile emotional state pisses the hell out of me. Gloria was right with all her fish and bicycle talk, I don’t NEED anyone. I’d like certain people, and it would be nice to have a SO, but I don’t need anything more than food, water, heat, and double stuffed Oreos.
Can I get an amen out there?
[hyjack]ps: Anyone else…disappointed when Gloria recently got married? I’m happy for her, I’m all for the institution of marriage, but…[/hyjack]
Amen. With reservations.
I don’t think anyone pities you. You said yourself that it would be nice to have a SO. And as happy as you are on your own, (with apologies here to Tom Grunnick) some people will feel bad that you don’t feel better. But that’s not pity.
I’ve been in the same boat for a bit myself, and I’ve been subjected to all the clichés. They’re really too banal to be actively annoying.
That’s as close as I can come to pure bitterness at the moment. I’m trying to settle in to a sustainable cynicism, with periods of ironic attachment.
i did not have a boyfriend in high school, i do not have one right now. i know so many girls that i went to school with that have babies, i have a cat.
i knew of two having a baby in 9th and tenth grade. one girl had her baby in the high school’s bathroom, my sophomore year.
i knew of 4-6 who were pregnant my junior year, one was extremely proud of the fact that she had only gained five pounds during the pregnancy.
i knew of 2 girls who were pregnant when they got their diploma. i knew of two more girls who had babies approximately a year after graduation.
the more years that pass, more babies.
what is the big fucking hurry? why the goddamn rush? why do you want a baby so damned early in life? i do not understand. (Cannot conceive of it! LOL)
The school system where i live, we had sex education, about four weeks’ worth your eighth grade year, it was not mandatory. Health class in high school was mandatory, and i doubt that there was a sex-ed refresher.
why so much pressure to get into a relationship so early?
“how to make him into the perfect boyfriend” “get him to propose” “ten tips to attract guys” “what guys like to see you wear” “FEMME FATALE EYE COLORS” “bring him back, here’s how!” “NAIL COLOURS HE WILL FALL FOR”
“find a date using your astrological sign” “fashion to attract anybody”
PLEASE PASS THE BARF BUCKET
and when i think of the protest, the petitions, the bra-burning, the suffragettes, the women who fought for equal rights, birth control, the right to participate in sports, et cetera. i think of all they have done, and i wonder “why
the return to helplessness?”
A-a-a-a-a-amen, sistah, a-a-a-a-a-amen.
Let me start by saying,
“I’d rather BE single than WISH I was”.
And let me add a hearty FUCK YOU to all the people who think they know how long I should grieve, and when I should have been finished. Kiss my lily white ass. God forbid you should ever lose the one you love, but if you do, I will NOT tell you how to do it. Please show me the same courtesy.
Thank you.
Wow, this is a great thread for finding available chicks!
Oy, it’s the Motherisms that are the worst.
“Why don’t you get a girlfriend?” I hear. Like they’re a loaf of bread, or something. Aisle 6 at K-Mart, just next to the toaster ovens. I finally started countering with, “Okay, where do they sell them?” Mom had no sense of humor.
“Don’t you want a girlfriend?” Of course not. Just like I don’t want a Ferrari, a castle in Europe, or Bill Gates’ bank account. If I wanted those things, don’t you think I’d have them, too?
“I’m sure there are lots of nice girls out there that would love to go out with you.” :rolleyes: Me: “Name one.” Her: “Well, I don’t know of any, but I’m sure they’re out there.” Where, Madagascar?
The last straw was when a male coworker invited me to a concert he thought I might like. She referred to it as my “date.” I quite vehemently declared my personal life a forbidden topic at that point. Now I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m gay? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
If it’s any consolation, Swiddles, you know where to find us if you need us.
Now THAT gets an amen from me. There’s your bumpersticker, Swids.
Amen. Preach on, Sista Swiddles. 'Cept for me, it’d be beer, hot sauce, and a library card.
And speaking of bumper stickers,
I thought that’d make a pretty decent one.
From Hastur:
Amen again. Sometimes the whole is less than the sum of its parts.
You know, it didn’t bug me all that much. Steinem always seemed to me to be more of the practical rather than theoretical school of feminism. My reaction was less, “Oh, no! She’s subjected herself to marriage?” than it was “Damn. This must be one righteous brother to have Gloria Steinem choose him for a husband.” 'Course, as a Y-chromosome-carrying member of The Patriarchy myself, perhaps I’m not so qualified to offer judgment. 
[hijack of the hyjack]
I’m curious: why do you spell hyjack with the “y”? I’m familiar with your disclaimers about your spelling, but this seems deliberate. Is this some English thing that I missed?
[/hijack of the hyjack]
Now this would be a great bumper sticker.
Barfola.
One thing I especially hate is the sense of pity I often get when dining out or attending movies alone. Like, “Oh you poor thing…couldn’t you find anyone to go with you?” As if it’s an indication that I’m so pathetic that I HAVE to go out alone. It does not seem to occur to these people that I could be CHOOSING to go out alone.
In point of fact, I’ve been living with my SO for almost a year, & I would like to say to all the single chicas out there…ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN!!! Before you know it, you’ll be folding someone else’s socks & planning a week’s worth of dinner menus when you used to be waking up under a strange coffee table in a house you’ve never been to before…sigh Those were the days.