about being single. And BTW, Amen to everything everyone has said so far. Please pass the potatoes.
From a very close gay male friend: “Anyone who is 30 years old and hangs out with a bunch of faggots… there must be something seriously wrong with that!”
Me: “And that would be…?”
From my uncle at a family reunion:
“So. Ya gonna be an Old Maid?”
Me: “Yup.”
Isn’t “old maid” a euphemism for “lesbian?”
Every family member has accused me of being gay. I’m not. In fact, I’ve been around the block so many times, I see no reason to have a boyfriend just for the sake of having one…
Swiddles: But I’m only freakin’ 20, it’s not like I’m
two steps away from the sperm bank in desperation here.
Dogzilla: Just wait until you’ve had these same conversations for the next 10 years…
The only reason being single sucks is because married/attached people can’t stand it and make every effort to get you “un-single.” I’m sick of trying to come up
That’s it, I’m coming out:
To All the Universe:
I’m straight. I’m single. I don’t particularly want kids. My biological clock is digital and it’s blinking 12:00. Please ease up off my ass about it.
AMEN. I like going to movies alone. I can go to whatever show strikes my fancy, by the kind of candy I want without arguments about how much they are ripping me off, or smuggle candy in without arguments about how I’m going to get caught. And most importantly, I can sit WHEREVER I WANT in the theater. I like sitting up close and scrunching down in the seat. If I freakin’ wanted to sit so far away from the screen it looked like a TV, then I’d wait for the damned thing to come out on video. I want a wall o’movie. And when I go to movies alone, I can people watch. Movie theaters are great, I play “spot the first date” when at a movie alone. When I’m with other people, you have to talk and stuff. Interferes with the looking.
Er…yes. As Dogzilla has come out about being a heterosexual, I’ll come out to. Dispite the killer American accent I faked at the New York Dopefest, and despite the fact that I pretend to be from Vermont, I am, in actuality, British. It’s true. And I’ve got the teeth to prove it.
All spelling errors from hence forward are to be attributed to my excessive Britishness. And if any of my fellow countrymen or women object to my spelling, they can just assume it’s a hold over from the years of repressed Britishness, when I was pretending to be an American. Yeah football! God save the Queen! Someone pass the boiled food!
I’ll second both of these. My mother’s latest tactic isn’t helping any, either.
“Well, you should go to church. I’m sure you could find someone there. I worry about you being all alone.”
Fuck, Ma, just because you married Pa right out of high school doesn’t mean I want to spend my whole life being half a relationship. Not to mention the fact that I’m barely agnostic; somehow I don’t think going to church is going to garner me a mate with similar interests…
And, like most of the folks on this list, if I have to hear “you’ll find someone when you’ve stopped looking” one more time I won’t be responsible for my actions. I’m not looking. I haven’t been looking - and I’m still (happily) single!
Yep, I’ve heard that “I worry about you being alone” line plenty. I like being alone! I grew up this way! I have a few close friends in the area, and I have y’all to talk to. Of course, my mother does not understand this. (She doesn’t understand a lot of things.) To her, if I’m not out socializing every weekend, I’m a freak. Oh well…she’ll just have to be disappointed then.
Eating dinner by yourself seems perfectly acceptable in some places - New York City, for one. But in Chicago, it is still apparently a sign of being a social pariah. <gag>
And I like going to movies by myself. A movie isn’t a fucking social event. You’re supposed to sit there and shut up. For all you cretins who like to talk doing movies, stay the fuck home.
Well, an order is an order - “Amen” it is. I’m not going to mess with someone who can come up with verbal images like “standing two steps away from a sperm bank in desperation”. There’s an image I won’t be rid of for days - I promise to try, though. And to think I lobbied to set you up with Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark, Swiddles…
But seriously: I’m currently in a relationship (who would’ve thought it ??) albeit a long-distance one - me in Germany, the young lady in Denmark.
And if you think you have it bad, just you wait till you actually hit it off with someone, ladies & gentlemen.
People will tell you to your face that they had “given up on you” - the implicit reasoning is that you’re a lucky fellow to finally have found someone who’ll settle for you. Halfway right - I’m indeed damn lucky to have found her - but noone is “settling” for anything here, I happen to consider myself a bit of catch as well. People have now started dropping hints that it was perhaps time for me to get my ass back to Denmark and start living in sin as befits a young couple hereabouts. Again, the reasoning is that since I have at long last been lucky, better make the entire arrangement as official as at all possible and hard to retract from, pronto. Sigh.
Get used to it - when you’re living among the checklist people (one wife/husband, check, one nice house oin the suburbs, check, two cars, check, one dog, check, 1.4 child, check, etc.) you’ll be the odd one out. The only revenge is to radiate an inordinate amount of satisfaction with your life - or with your life as it could be, if it weren’t for meddlers & busybodies.
I’ve never been treated any differently by the wait staff at any restaurant where I’ve dined alone, fortunately. In fact, I tend to get pretty good service; of course, that could just be the “pity” thing rearing its ugly head again - “poor thing, eating all alone” - but I don’t think so.
For some reason, as I read SN’s post, I was reminded of a conversation I had with a married friend, who was arguing with her husband even as we were chatting on ICQ about who hadn’t done the dishes. My response to her?
“Well, when you live alone you know whose fault it is that the trash isn’t taken out.”
Well, at least in recent history, I don’t think I’m “scaring them off” because I’m too aggressive. One recent situation was a guy I met on-line. We’d been talking of the phone for several weeks, and I’d already bought my plane ticket to fly up and meet him. We both were amazed at how well things were going. I always put the breaks on before things got too hot and heavy on the phone. Until one day I didn’t. He ended up feeling very emotionally isolated as a result (which I understand). But he totally freaked out and decided he couldn’t have anything to do with me anymore (even though he really really liked me and thought I was a wonderful person and he really really wanted to be with me) because I wasn’t spiritually like him (which we’d discussed and presumably got past). Apparently God didn’t want him fucking me and he couldn’t resist me and I was a “dangerous temptation.”
The second recent situation was a guy I met through mutual friends. He was perfectly happy to try and play grab ass in the bar where we were all drinking, but when I called him and suggested going out to dinner, apparently he couldn’t handle it. We had a pleasant enough phone conversation, but when I left a message later to make specific plans, he didn’t return my call. My friends thought he was probably intimidated by intelligent women who make more money than he does.
So that’s what I mean when I said it says more about them than it does about me.
Porcupine, I share your pain. Sorry, that was trite.
I had a similar situation. I was fixed up with a very nice guy. We dated a couple months. Then I made the fatal error of using “we” in a sentence. (We had both previously declared that we were dating in search of a long-term partner and would not be dating if we didn’t want to take things seriously.) I believe the question I was trying to get an answer to was: My friends and I always go to the beach for Memorial Day (which was about two months away). Do you think you might be able to join me at some point?
Shortly after that, I got a Dear Jane EMAIL. E-mail. He was too chicken to face me, and indicated as such in the email. Egads. I never got a coherent reason, just that he was so busy working all the time, I deserved someone who would pay more attention to me or something.
Whatever. He was threatened because I didn’t “need” him for anything.
Well pass the KY and fuck the man. I did in fact wonder what you where doing in this part of town Swiddles.
I screwed up, I flirted and worse I portrayed no bitterness - the dumbass that I am (thanks Mags).
So know what ? Fuck all those people who think “true love” will come along someday. They are dreaming idiots. How much better a life we lead when we know we shall all end up alone and depressed with about 19 cats.
Truthfully though, I am the first born and the only male so I hear about “grandchildren” a lot lately. It will happen when it happens OK ? Freakin relax. If I were to rush into something I would make a mistake. Though I may not always pick the right songs in my stations rotation - this is not something I want to screw up. Mine is a generation of divorce. Sometimes it was warranted - most times someone just gave up, and you know what ? Fuck that. If you are married, you should be in it for the long haul. Barring abuse or cheating, you should do everything you can to save your marriage. I believe that our parents and elders did not hold the institute in such esteeem. I think we do, because a good marriage is the foundatiom upon which a good family is based. Period. It all starts with Mom and Dad. I am not sure other generations knew that going in. When I marry I will do my best to make sure it is forever. So therefore I do not propose marriage to every girl I date. To those who are so anxious for everyone to pair off, CHILL THE FUCK OUT ! We are not looking for the the best one “right now” but rather Mr. or Mrs. Right . . for keeps.
NM
P.S. Yeah I flirted with Swiddles and though I see now this was not the best forum to do so . . .I will do it again. Until I percieve she does wish me to do so any longer. Brooke, I thank you for your kindness, you really could have blasted me here for my idiocy and did not. I appreciate your patience. Be well.
I was posting from my English class. I had a good thought in there somewhere . . . but it left out the back of my head instead of out my fingers.
A lot of guys are scared by women who appear (or are) self-confident or self-sufficient.
Now for something completely different:
Did anyone notice when my mother originally got on the SDMB she was ‘cruising for chicks’ for me? UGH!
The best thing about being single, in my experience, is that I can make plans and then screw 'em. I can sometimes do whatever the fuck I want and I don’t have to call anyone up and apologize for deliberately not doing X thing.
A-fucking-MEN, brother! Criminy . . . I’m only 18 and my mom has developed the interesting (for lack of four- and five-letter words) habit of asking me every fucking time I go home if I met anyone “nice” by which she means “do you have a girlfriend yet? No? How about now? No?”
Leave me alone, mama! Fuck, go involve yourself with your two SOCIALITE daughters! Leave me the fuck alone!
dogzilla
A “Dear Jane” email!!!???!!! Un-fucking-believable.
To get back to the OP’s original point, the absolute worst place for these kind of comments is a family wedding, where you see the old aunts and uncles that you haven’t seen in a few years. “Oh, still not married, dear? <pitying look> Don’t worry, you’ll find someone.” When did it become acceptable to make these kind of stupid ass comments? I think I’m going to start turning the tables.
“Oh, you’re still with Bill, huh? Too bad. I couldn’t stand living with someone like that.” <pitying look>
“John, sorry to hear you’re still married to that shrew Maggie. I know you’re keeping it together for the kids’ sake, but it really must be hell to live with an unforgiving judgmental harpie like her. The therapy really doesn’t seem to be working.”
“Susan, sorry to see you’re still with Frank. I would think you could do better than an unemployed, rascist, emotionally abusive alcoholic.”
And an “A-ficking-MEN” to you iampunha…my mom used to be only slightly less obvious…when I’d tell her about a night out, she’d always ask, “Was anyone interesting there?”
Sure Mom, a crack-smoking prostitute was there…I’m bringing her to Thanksgiving dinner…Grandma will love her…
It’s OK, NM. I knew you’d come over to the Dark and Bitter side eventually.
My parents have begun, while in jest, the kid thing. They’ll say something about how much they miss playing with little kids, and I’ll say something about getting knocked up first chance I get. It usually horrifies them enough to say “NO. Not you. I was kidding. I mean, grandRiddles would be great, but NOT YOU, NOT NOW.” Heh. I do so enjoy throwing them into a tizy.
Oh, and the extended family thing? I can relate. Last family reunion my cousin, during a late night, cut-throat poker session, after a surprising number of Coronas, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. At the time I was seeing someone, while not * dating *, and I said “Sort of. Maybe. Kind of. It’s complicated.” He then put his hand on my shoulder, and said “You know, I’m your older, openminded cousin. And I live in MANHATTAN. If there’s anything you need to tell me, I’m here.” The thing is that I would have been touched, except that he ISN’T openminded, and I know that the rest of the family had been discussing whether or not I dug chicks. I patted him on the head and told him that was a darling thing to say. Of course, this is all because all my Long Island cousins (of which he is one of five) have had girlfriends with HUGE Jersey hair since puberty. feh.
[death wish]
The reason you’re so uptight about it, Swid, is 'cause you’re not getting laid enough.
[/death wish]
Now that I’ve got that out of my system- I completely emphasize. There’s something very disgusting about the desperation with which people seem to view the single, as if a person couldn’t truly be happy/complete without some guy/girl there in a relationship.
Look, I’m in a happy relationship, but even I’ve got the brains that God gave geese, and not everyone is to be pitied for not being in a relationship. Hell, having standards is usually a good thing.
Tell ya what- if you want, I’ll search the web for some pictures of really ugly, obviously psychotic guys (I was about to say ‘bikers’, but figured that I’d get my ass kicked by filthy, aenea and hflathead for insinuating that bikers are somehow not upstanding members of society, and I really don’t need a wrench wrapped around my balls right now). Download it, print it, keep it in your wallet, and next time someone pressures you about relationships, pull out the picture and say, “Well, this guy Randy keeps calling me and asking for a date; maybe it’s time I give him a try. Lord knows the restraining order isn’t working.” If you can sound at all serious about it, you’ll get to see more backpedaling than Jesse Helms walking into a Village People concert.
Back in the days 'o puberty, I felt like getting myself a girlfriend was the be-all and end-all of existence. Well, after a few years of being miserable about my failure, and a few really painfully bad experiences - like when the girl I had a three year crush on started dating my best friend - I finally came to realize that if I can only be happy on the condition of the existence of some mythical person that will make everything all better, I am going to be really unhappy a whole lot of the time. Now, some years later, I still believe that. Moreover, as I’ve seen so many people I know get into bad relationships, I’ve begun to realize that getting involved with someone can be just as bad, if not worse, than being alone, as has been stated already. So, I’ll just continue trying to be happy all by myself, thank you. Of course, there are still the occasions where I decide to open my armor up to a girl, only to have her stick a knife through into my heart, but hey.
Of course, my mom will never understand any of that.
Believe it. In fact, here’s an excerpt: “I’ve been really thinking about the “us” thing… I’m relatively certain that this is not working out… whether it’s my fear of intimacy or commitment… or my incessant need for “space”…I Know that this relationship, as is, isn’t cutting it for you either.I’ve realized that I’m not ready to do the relationship thing right now, and I shouldn’t drag you along until I feel I am. By the by, I do know this is about the shittest way to end a relationship (over email), but I’m sure that if I talked to you that I would pretty quickly be able to rationalize reasons to stay in the relationship.”
Can you say… Chickenshit? That is all fine and well, but what am I supposed to tell my mother?
BTW, loved your suggestions about turning the tables. I’ll have to start doing that.
Oh yeah, and Smeghead: Way to go. Once the “Dear Jane” letter writer said to me, “But you’re supposed to make me happy.” Wrong. It is not my job to make you happy, nor is it your job (or any other SO) to make me happy. Happiness comes from within.
And… sometimes the only thing you can change is your attitude.
So, kids. What are we going to say when our friends and family hound us for being unattached?
F*%K YOU! I’m happy with me just the way I am, why aren’t you?
