So I’m feeling kind of bummed from a recent breakup, and I’m trying to cheer myself up. Help me, dopers, by listing the downsides to being in a relationship.
I’ll go first: I was reading The Namesake, by Jhumpha Lahiri, and in it
a married character is forced to constantly interact with his wife’s friends, whom he despises.
So there’s a good downside to being single. Not having to deal with that. Any others?
You can die alone and be eaten by your cats.
Can you tell I’m not really giddy about my current single status?
Awww, I feel ya, kittenblue. I’m not really either. I guess that’s why I started this thread, cause I think that overall most people would rather be in relationships (which is why most people eventually end up in relationships). So, yeah, it’s tough to come up with a vast list of reasons alone . . . but with our combined Dopermight . . . we might get up to three. Or, at least, 1.5. Maybe
Actually, I would really like it if some relationship Dopers could talk about things they miss from singlehood. That way us singletons could be reminded of why the grass isn’t always greener, etc.
Sorry if this is rambly.
Gestalt
You can do whatever you want without having to check in with the SO. I am single and when I went on vacation in october I didn’t once have to listen to, “Do we* have* to go to another museum? Don’t you want to stay here in the hotel and have sex rather than going to see a play? What do you mean you don’t want to see my aunt Mabel while we are here?”
One can decide that one doesn’t want to drive at night and break your travel into two days without aggravating one’s partner.
(Brother and wife and daughters live 12 or so hours from our parents. I live 11 or so hours, not in quite the same direction. (4 hours between him and I). Brother and family left at 3 A.M. so that they would be home at 3ish P.M. I am SOOO not doing that. )
For that matter, one can visit one’s family every holiday that one wants to, and not split holidays with one’s partner’s family.
And airline tickets are a lot less expensive if you are only buying for one person.
Also, I have a queen sized bed that I sleep in by myself. I can sleep in the middle of the bed, I can stretch out diagonally, I can pile all of the pillows up under my head and not have to worry about sharing them with my boyfriend. When I do choose to have sex with someone they can go home and I can shower and sleep in peace or they can stay over if I am in the mood to snuggle, but it is always my choice because they don’t live here and they aren’t my boyfriend.
I used to be Mr. Independant. I could hop in a car and drive for days by myself and have a fine time. I’ve done that a couple of times since I’ve been in my relationship and it’s good for maybe a few hours but then I start missing my family and after a while it’s like what’s the point if I can’t share this experience.
I used to spend a lot of time out of the house - rehearsing with the band, practicing my instrument, drifting around music and bookstores, going to concerts. I don’t do much of that anymore. A lot of that is other things, but I’m just not terribly motivated to do those sorts of things anymore.
I also don’t see my old friends very often.
This is one for me as well. I don’t miss being single, I just know that when I was I would drive up and stay with this buddy for a week, then schedule a show in this city so I could stay with this friend a few days. Now I stay in a hotel everywhere because she doesn’t like staying with my friends. I don’t mind the hotels, or being around her, but you spend a lot less time with friends that way.
Brendon
you can eat cold pizza in your underwear while you watch TV and not get the hairy eyeball (you are a dude, right?).
no interruptions during PS2 marathons.
no need to explain where you are going when you leave the house for a midnight drive.
the remote control is always where you left it.
no “honey, we need to talk”
freestyle farting is allowed.
no tug-o-war for the blankets.
eating nuked hot dogs out of the packet.
no trick questions about whether a pair of shoes can make a person look fat.
you can get to places on time.
Not sharing a bed is good as already mentioned. No need to worry about hogging the covers or pillows. Bedtime is whenever I want it to be. Go to bed early or stay up late and not have to worry about waking up the partner or pleas to come to bed already. Get up early or sleep in without noise concerns, either making too much and waking somebody up or being subjected to the early morning sounds of someone else. I like to sleep, what can I say?
Food is also entirely at my discretion. I can eat whatever and whenever I want without having to consider what somebody else wants. Also no nagging that I’m supposed to be watching what I eat. I can give myself hell when I’m being bad. I like to eat what can I say?
No need to wonder if a shared task was completed or not. I only have myself to blame if something was supposed to get done and it didn’t. If I screw up and drop the ball I’m the only one that is disappointed.
I’m not a dude, but I do enjoy a good fart now and then (and it used to gross my ex out when I did it), so there you go.
Gestalt.
The best part of being single though is that I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s problems. “My fiance lost his job? Oh no, what are we going to do? How will we pay for the wedding? My boyfriend got kicked out of his apartment? Where will he live? Would I just learn to hate him if he had to come live with me? Etc, etc.” I do my own thing without worrying how it impacts anyone else and no one else has to worry about how their problems impact me.
You don’t have to compromise on movie rentals. If you want to hit the video store and come home with 5 chick flicks and the first season of Queer as Folk, no one will look at you funny or ask questions.
You can redecorate your bedroom in pink fur and leave stuffed animals everywhere and try new recipes and have girlfriends over for pedicure nights and be generally childish whenever you please.
You can look up an old friend and meet for coffee or a movie without feeling weird about it.
You can flirt on the intarwebs and post suggestive pictures (Don’t forget to link them for us! You’re welcome, DoperMen.)
You could take a night class or join a writing/pottery/whatever group and not have to worry that you’re not making enough time for your other half.
You don’t have to shave your legs.
Your pets (if you have any) get prime real estate on the bed. If you don’t have pets, this might be a good time to look into adopting a lovely little kitty to snuggle with you.
You can try out new recipes and not have to worry about wrinkled noses and offended palates.
All in all, I’d say that being single is a pretty good gig.
You know those people who are always blowing off their friends for their SO? You get to know you’re not one of those people.
You can Dope in peace without cutting into couple time.
About the only drawback I’ve found to being single is that I don’t get laid very often. Otherwise, I do what I want, when I want. No “honey do” lists. No interference with televised sporting events. Gaming sessions limited only by having to go to work. Travel on a whim. Spending without checking with anyone. Intoxication as desired. No nagging. What’s not to like?
No psychological warfare. No having the cops called on you by a screaming banshee. No 48 hours straight of being screamed at (including attempts at getting away from the situation by having herself blocking the door with “touch me and I call the cops”, and then trying to get away from it by going to bed and being given some serious sleep deprivation). No freestyle buying of houses and cars for women… It goes on. 
Now then, being single is great. The farting, leaving the washing in the sink, and all the rest of it has already been adequately covered, but the whole thing can be summed up as follows: After a day of kowtowing to your boss, of battling traffic and commuters, when you come home and close that door, the key makes a satisfying “click” as you bolt it shut. That click is [GWB]*THE SOUND OF FREEDOM![/GWB] It really is. You are king or queen of your domain. However small it may be (I’m in a studio) and however temporary (until the next work day usually), You. Are. The. Boss. No questions.
As you get older, you appreciate it more, too. When I separated from my wife (about eight years ago), within days or weeks I was tomcatting around the village like a bloke posessed. Conversely, my second long-term (five years) relationship ended eighteen months ago, and so far I haven’t lifted a finger in any sort of attempt at finding a woman. The only downside of this is friends who ask, “oh, is it still too difficult? Are you hurting?” “FUCK NO!”, I reply, “I feel well shot of the cow. I’m just enjoying life.”
I’ll go out and hit the singles scene one day. Maybe this year. Maybe in five years. Dunno. I’m in no hurrry.
oopsie, just change all the nouns in my post for “flower”, “teddy bear”, “ice cream” and “kitten” as needed. 
You can set your housekeeping/cleanliness standards as low as you like!
E.g., did you know it’s not yet time to mop or vacuum, if you can walk across the room in stocking feet and not get your socks pulled off?
The ladies might not appreciate this, but for us guys, it’s a definite boon! 
Gestalt, I’ll try to be less flippant this time - you want real information.
To be utterly serious for a moment, at age 36 I have been single and attached in a kinda serial manner since I was 17 (probably attached about 70% of the time). My honest opinion is that both have their advantages and disadvantages (some obvious, some less so), and that I can’t give you a clear preference one way or the other. Bear in mind that “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, although as the years go by I tend to become more satisfied with what I’ve got.
Just go forwards. You will receive advice to immerse yourself in activities, but I’d be wary of doing much more than you normally would have. But certainly change stuff - even if it’s going to a different supermarket, or something as mundane as that. Eighteen months out from my relationship, I’m starting to develop a small but satisfying store of post-relationship personal history and happy memories. As you get more and more of that, you’ll find things start getting pretty good.