I think this may be my first pit thread. Whoop-di-fuckin’-do!
Lately I am having a real problem with my married friend’s wives (2 different married couples). I’ll toss in one couple who are engaged to be married, but the woman in that relationship is also the problem. The same problem from all of them. All of them are good friends of mine. I have known all of them for many, many years. However to them I have to say…
Obviously, based upon recent things you have said to me, you are not happy in your marriage (or engagement). I am you friend and I am there for you BOTH whether you stay together or get a divorce. Good? Good.
FUCK YOU for coming on to me. FUCK YOU for trying to seduce me. FUCK YOU for texting me extremely graphic details of what you want to do to me. FUCK YOU for attacking me in your home when I crashed there because we all drank too much and I could not drive home. FUCK YOU for making me have to physically shove you off of me and off of the bed. (Actually a SUPER DUPER FUCK YOU for that one - I grew up with violence against women by men and I’m loathe to exert any physical strength against a woman) FUCK YOU for doing this shit at the worst possible time for me.
FUCK ME for being in my own relationship (girlfriend, 2 years) that I’m unhappy in. FUCK ME for letting her lack of affection result in me feeling such a strong need to be validated as a person worthy of affection. FUCK ME for being vulnerable to this kind of thing at this time in my life. FUCK ME for being tempted to do something that is contrary to what I believe is right.
Since you’ve been generous enough with the “fuck you’s” please allow me to offer congratulations instead, for a self-awareness of who you are and where you’ve come from, that you aren’t as victimized by your impulses as the people with whom you associate.
Now find some people more like yourself. Right now you’re a happy person dragged down by unhappy people.
I don’t know what to do about it. I’m very torn about what to do and it is complicated by conflicting feelings I have at the moment. I think I understand why I’m feeling conflicted and I’m angry at myself more than anything for being tempted to do “the wrong thing” here.
Tell the husbands? (To be clear, the husbands and one fiance are all very old and good friends of mine.) I’ve sat here for a little while trying to figure out how that conversation is supposed to go and how I don’t end up losing a friend…
Me: Dude, I’m so ready for football to start. I got our tickets to the game in December, that is going to be a great time.
Friend: I’m totally looking forward to that game. Are we staying overnight or driving in and out that day?
Me: I haven’t decided yet. By the way, your wife wants to fuck me and I had to push her off of me when she snuck into the spare bedroom I was sleeping in the last time I crashed at your house.
Friend: I don’t care either way, we can stay the night and party in… wait, WHAT?!?
I think the only thing I can do right now is minimize by as much as possible the contact with the couples in question. In two cases, that should be reasonably easy to do. In the third, it is a bit harder as we participate on the same sports team.
Take your “FUCK ME” passage and apply it to these women. It sucks that you and the gf aren’t getting along, yadda, but the door is an easier option for you than it is for the marrieds, especially if any kids are involved in the marriages. Pressure cook that product, because maybe they’ve been married for ten or twenty years and have been dying a little more every day since 1993, knowing that there’s no relief in sight. An emotional survival instinct is probably kicking in and you’re the lightning rod by virtue of proximity if nothing else.
My advice is to steer clear for awhile and get YOUR head together. I don’t write that to imply that it’s your fault etc. but rather, to say that you’re the strongest link in the equation and you need to have your wits about you. Take care of yourself FIRST and if these people are true friends, they’ll have to respect your boundaries.
And sadly, I’d add: welcome to suburbia. This shit must play out far more commonly than we’d care to admit. “The devil doesn’t always walk up and introduce himself.” You need to be stopping them before they cross the line of telling you intimate details of relationships that are NOT your business.
Take it as a wakeup call. If you continue this trajectory with your gf, you’ll end up like the marrieds you discuss here. Fix that relationship or get your ass out: you deserve better.
Thanks, your description gives me a bit of insight I had not considered.
I agree with steering clear and getting my own head together. As for being the strongest link I am not sure I agree. Logically I agree but emotionally I am really upset at being tempted. I cannot believe at moments I’ve wanted to say “Fuck it, it would be great sex!”. I feel like a real scum bag for it.
Fucking Wisteria Lane or something!!! Haha! I live in an urban gay-borhood (old neighborhood, slowly gentrifying, love my gay-bors!) because I hate the suburban thing. It seems the evil cannot be contained to the McMansions!
I know this, I think about it regularly - that I need to either fix things or get out. It is another thing to hear someone else say it. Thank you.
If you value them both as friends, treat it like it was - an ill-advised drunken pass in the dark, made with judgement colored by alcohol.
Take it up with her on the side, make your feelings clear (angry, disapointed conflicted, etc). If she can deal with it like an adult and apologize etc. let it go). If not explain to your guy friend that he should ask his wife why you don’t feel comfortable 1:1 any more next time he wants to plan something and you have to opt-out.
Man, that is the suck–sorry your friends are so tacky, dude. My suggestion? Public humiliation. Invite all three of these broads out for a drink. Make it sound like it’s just a “you and me” thing to each of them. Then when they all show up, whip out with something like, “I’ve asked you all to meet me here to show you what a bunch of tacky bitches you are. Each one of you has tried to fuck me behind your husband/boyfriend’s back, knowing full well that those guys are my friends. Of course, I thought YOU were all my friends as well. So, just to get this straight between all of us, the bullshit is gonna cease NOW. If you’re unhappy in your relationships, I don’t want to know. If you want to destroy your guys with your slutty behavior, go right ahead but be aware that I’m not going to help you with it. And just in case any of you gets cute and decides to try to poison my friends against me with this crap, be aware that I have all those gross text messages saved and I will NOT hesitate to bring all this shit out in the open. Are we all on the same page? Good. Now let’s just leave it at that and go on being friends.”
And just for the record, I’m a chick and I think this sort of thing is beyond reprehensible. Not to mention that attacking a guest under your own roof is so beyond the pale I don’t even have words to adequately describe how flagrant an abuse of hospitality that is.
It sounds like everyone in this story is unhappy, and unhappiness manifests itself by doing stupid stuff- a desire to see just how fall you can fall, just how much worse things can get, and of course a secret desperate bid to create something new.
These women aren’t thinking straight. Let them know firmly how this isn’t the time for any of that, and then forgive them. They’ll either work things out in their lives our they won’t. If they don’t and it continues to be a problem, it might be time to take another look at the friendship. but for now, don’t take this personally or toss around words like “evil.” It’s just people who are realizing that there are a lot of things in life that there aren’t a script for.
In the Valley of the Blind, the one-eyed man is king. Maybe you aren’t strong, but you’re the strongEST.
You have to stop beating up on yourself with this moral perfectionism. If you were getting it from the gf, you wouldn’t be tempted, yadda, sure, and having women throw themselves at you doesn’t help. It’s really dangerous to think you’re incorruptible, don’t have needs, etc., when the perfect storm comes along.
You thought you were helping out a friend etc. but then the agenda became clear. I suspect you were emotionally dishonest with yourself as well, stepped across a line or two you shouldn’t have (e.g. listening to intimate details) because you needed some emotional feeding. So you’re human—but learn from it.
At this point in my life, I’d say just get out…sorry for the cynicism, but I don’t think people change all that much, in the short run. I prefer to watch what people do instead of listening to what they say when I want the truth. Maybe it’s worth exploring the issues with her, if only for some closure on your part, but resuscitating the relationship is a longshot.
Not only I am a man, I am married anyway, so no thanks, and I wouldn’t want you to think I am hitting on you
Anyway, you could go and sing that song I linked to on The Night Of The Big Reveal if you go ahead with SmartAleq’s suggestion. And if you do, please let us know how it went. We’re starving for gossip here.
Hmmmm… good advice given, but I’ll add this: if these women are this bold etc, you better watch your back. I wouldn’t put it past either one of them to lie straight up to their husbands about you chasing them.
I for sure wouldn’t say anything to the husbands because I’m sure the wives will sell you downriver before owning up to their throwing themselves at you. This is dangerous shit you’re in.
Get out, fast. Limit contact with the women. Go out just with the guys if you can. Get busy in your own life (break up with that GF who is not helping matters). Get some good porn. Meet somebody etc.