The last time I was broken up with it went something like this:
Fiancé: [a vaguely snarky comment I no longer remember]
Me, holding our nearly new baby boy: Uh huh. What, are you breaking up with me?
Him: Uhh… yeah.
Me: …
It will get better. Probably quicker than you think, even.
Not so subtle hint that your relationship is in trouble:
Your husband is late coming home from work and you hope he has been in a car accident and is dead.
I’m 3 years divorced (after 24 years of marriage). I don’t miss him.
Now is the time for you to “be nice to yourself”-however that is for you. Take some time to think about what you like and don’t like, and do the things that YOU like to do. And work on the things you need to work on to feel better about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you will function more equally in a relationship.
.
3½ years? That’s nothing. My soon to be ex and I have called it quits after 17 years. We are going to use our economic stimulus refund to pay for the divorce. I have thoroughly enjoyed the last 3½ months that I have lived by myself.
Au contraire! How could I fail to notice a name like Br’er Lapin? In fact, I opened the thread partly cos I remembered your name.
There is no shame in trying to argue with someone over a point like that. You want to make sure there isn’t an error in their thinking somewhere.
It is true that the only thing that heals the wound is time. And Dopers are great for suggesting the most effective ways to deal with the pain in the meantime.
However, you and I have another problem now – we have to figure out how the hell to get us some “infamous lesbian gingerbread”!! 
(HNC: Start a thread with the recipe! Start a thread with the recipe!)
I must respectfully disagree. So many people suffer pains that never heal; they only get buried and scarred over. It’s love that heals wounds of the heart. But yes, Dopers are good for that too! {{{Br’er}}} 
{{{Hugs}}}
Next I am in Jersey, the drinks are on me.
Girls only, dude. I will say that it requires two girls and a lot of chocolate. And preferably a lot of alcohol to wash it all down.
Oh hon! Big hugs from the (now not so) cold North.
In my experience, the first thing to do after a break-up (other than spending a few hours sobbing into your pillow) is to grab some girlfriends and lots of booze, spend a few hours roundly abusing your ex and the rest of his damn sex, and then head out and see how many numbers you can score at the local dive-bar.
Also, I’m so in for lesbian gingerbread.
Just wanted to add my {{{hugs}}} and say that you are NOT pathetic. After what seems like an interminable amount of time, things will be even better than ever before. So, hang in there and abuse the hell out of Häagen-Dazs. It does the spirit good.
I highly recommend Macadamia Brittle.
Just sending my sympathies to the OP.
hugs tight You’ve got a drink on the house if you’re ever up in Toronto.
{fellow-singleton-hugs}
I also do remember you, and I like your user name!
Take your time, be as sad as you need be, and keep this thread in mind - it will get better. And: Take a look at this, maybe it’ll help cheer you up. Squeeing and sadness don’t mix very well.
{{hugs}}
I don’t drink, but if you’d like a cynical middle-aged woman to drink coffee and bitch about men with, we could do that.
I am a chick so I don’t know that you would want me to buy you a drink, but if you are ever in NYC I have chocolate and the movie Chicago available for you (every woman going through a break up can benefit from the husband/boyfriend murdery goodness of the movie Chicago.)
Is it made with real lesbians? 'Cause I’d totally eat that.
d&r
Clearly, we should have a lesbian gingerbread get-together for Lapin. Bring booze.
Just another note extending sympathies. Love does indeed stink.
And if there is famous Lesbian gingerbread involved, we male Dopers should be able to at least watch!!
Take care of yourself, **Lapin **- now hurts, but then will be better…
Wikipedia sez this:
“The Bruja is also thought to be a Mexican or Spanish Witch. During the Spanish Inquisition many innocent women were put to death by the Church under the accusation of them being Brujas. Many women are still under suspicion from the church for showing signs of being a Bruja.”
But actually, I just liked the pun… HazelNut, I AM a girl! Guess I am kind of butch though, for a straight chick. It’s a punkrock thing.
Autolycus: You are absolutely correct. It would have been much more accurate for me to have said that the only thing that heals the shock is time. And, how delightful for someone to “respectfully disagree” with me! That’s how I like to do it.
Br’er Lapin, how ya holding up?
:: huggles the Br’er Lapin::
You have my sympathies, (and wow, you’re just a month and a day younger than me! Crazy!), breakups certainly do hurt, especially if you still have feelings for the other person. And the whole “it takes time thing” it seems hard to listen to it, and believe it especially when its so soon, but the thing I learned was everyone heals at a different pace, sometimes it takes weeks, months or even years. So take care of yourself in the meantime, and slowly the pain will fade away- it not an instant thing though.
Just realize that you are the one who gets to spend the most time with yourself, so try to focus on the positives, take care of yourself, and smile. Life’s too short, so enjoy yourself, be happy with yourself at least, society tends to focus on the couples and such, but Auto had a very great point up there.
(((Br’er Lapin))) Keep smiling towards the brand new Day- because you don’t know what (or who) tomorrow holds.
Rock on, my fellow 1985’er, rock on!
“Be excellent to yourself, and Party on, dude”
~ Roosh
Perks up
Gingerbread porn
Declan