My boyfriend quit smoking, but I didn't.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Last weekend, my boyfrined of about 18 months quit smoking. While I knew that he didn’t like being smoker, I didn’t know he was going to quit. I didn’t get to see him last weekend and becasue he was alone, he took the big step and went cold turkey.

He’s been smoke free for a week and was a bit crazy for a few days, but has so far been successful and I am proud of him for it.

I am still a smoker and have been for about 25 years. I do have high blood pressure and I realize that smoking is bad for me, but for some reason, I can’t talk myself into wanting to quit. Without wanting to quit, I am pretty sure that I will not be successful.

So, this weekend, I went to his house and he asked me to smoke outside, which I respected and did. When I came back in, he was telling my how good the cigarette smelled.

Later, when he went to kiss me, he didn’t like the taste, although I brushed my teeth first and I can’t really say I liked that taste of pasta on his breath either.

This all may sound stupid, but I don’t know how to adjust to his quitting. And I don’t want him to start again either. We both used to smoke when we talked, or watched movies. We would smoke after sex and have some really good conversations. Last night, I went out for a cigarette and he fell asleep by the time I came back in.

For me, smoking has been a long time habit, associated with relaxation and being social, it seems to help me clear my head and focus, all of my co-workers are smokers, most of my friends are smokers.

Does anyone have any advice on either helping me adjust to my boyfriend quitting or maybe how to make myself want to quit? Scare tactics don’t work, I’ve seen the pictures of lungs and all those things.

2

It does not sound stupid. He has made a major lifestyle change, and that can’t help but affect you as well–whether you opt to quit or opt to continue to smoke.

I can’t give you any particular advice, I just want to reassure you that your feelings are normal, common for people in long term relationships where someone makes a significant or sudden change.

Give it time. Lots of time. And be patient with him if he’s snappish as a new non-smoker, or if he decides you should quit too.

3

It must be a very hard habit to overcome.

But you’re overlooking there REAL issue here.

If he does succeed in quit smoking, he’ll be able to throw that in your face :slight_smile:

“Oh sure it was a BIT hard, but all it took was a little willpower.”

And then you’ll have to hit him with a five iron and go to jail.

:slight_smile:

4

Have a baby. Worked for me. :slight_smile:

5

I did not want to quit at all, but I quit because I felt like I had to. I loved smoking, and would start again tomorrow if the health risks/addiction issues went away. (I quit over 10 years ago). I mourned smoking like I’d lost a loved one. I think sometimes smokers use the “I can’t quit because I don’t want to” thing as an excuse.

As for why I felt like I had to, my best friend was quitting after her mother died of lung cancer at 48. She was basically totally family-less at 21 and I knew there was no way I could look her in the face if I kept doing the thing that had wrecked her life so totally. But even knowing that, it was ridiculously hard. And I never wanted to, not for a second. I still don’t want to not smoke.

6

Back when I smoked, I could not picture myself as a non-smoker. Sometimes just thinking about never having another cigarette made me panic and suck down a smoke right away. Now whenever I think back to being a smoker it makes me feel exactly like this—>

:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:

Just quit.

7

Precisely! Me too! After decades of smoking and numerous failed attempts at quitting, I was able to stop by using Chantix. It may not work for everybody, but I followed the directions and it worked for me. Quitting seemed so easy that I felt like I was somehow “cheating”.

Good luck. If you decide to quit, and succeed, it will be well worth the effort.

8

There’s a 30% chance you’ll kill yourself by smoking. Never mind the relationship and your feelings. Just stop.

9

Me three.

About quitting, it might help if you think about all the shitty things about smoking. That nasty hacking cough in the morning - will be gone. That smell - gone. Having to hover around outside - no more. Yellow teeth - can be fixed. Trouble catching your breath sometimes - no longer a problem. (Plus one of the cooler things is that your sense of smell and taste gets dramatically better.)

And remember, so long as you smoke those things will get worse, much worse. Make a decision to quit and stick with it. As Cisco said, after you quit you will wonder what the hell you were thinking as a smoker.

ETA - one other thing about your boyfriend. The longer he goes without a cig, the more his sense of smell will improve. Yes, it’s true, an ex-smoker eventually finds the smell and taste of cigarettes totally disgusting and that may be an issue for your relationship. (Ok, once in a great while I’ll walk past a smoker and will enjoy the smell, but most of the time it makes we want to vomit.)

10

Fuck health reasons – calculate how much money a year you spend on cigarettes, then think of all the way cool things you could do with that money.

That’s what did it for me, back when I quit after a 20-year habit – and cigs were only $2.50 a pack then (10 years ago).

But you’re right – if you don’t really want to quit, you won’t. The good news is that if you do want to quit, you probably can – the various cessation aids, prescription and OTC, are quite effective if used properly.

11

I know all this is not the advice you wanted, but the best advice anyone can give you is to just quit. It’s all the rage, everyone is doing it. You don’t want to be the LAST SMOKER ON EARTH, do you? Just quit, too!

12

not to join madly with the chorus of Just Quit Already…

but my sweetie helped me by saying “more kisses” :wink:

I feel better. it’s been nine years. My house smells nicer, too.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

13

I say, congratulations to your boyfriend and my condolences to you. Yes, just quit. I smoked for about a dozen years before I had a heart attack at age 28 and quit on the spot. For about 15 years, I used to dream of smoking, I would daydream of being diagnosed with some disease that gave me only 6 months to live and could smoke again without regret. But I haven’t had such dreams or daydreams for nearly 30 years now and I can’t stand the smell of smoke.

I cannot understnad how my wife (who never smoked) put up with it. But she said that since most people smoked, she just sucked up to it.

14

If you want to quit, then you will. It’ll just take time. It’s taken me 3 goes, until I got serious about it.
And if you don’t want to quit, you’re just going to have to find middle ground. Smoking outside ain’t too bad, you won’t smoke as much (saving cash), and won’t be making the house smelly.
Just make sure he doesn’t hold it over your head that he’s quit and you haven’t. You’re respecting his decision by trying to make sure he doesn’t start again. Make sure he respects your decision to not quit.

15

I agree with this 100%. I loved everything about smoking - the taste, the smell, the feel of holding a cigarette between my fingers. I quit smoking about six years ago, as did my boyfriend at the time (now my husband), and I can say that had only one of us quit, I’m not sure our relationship would have survived. Don’t get me wrong - I have no issue with smokers, and most of my family still smokes. However, I can’t imagine living with a smoker anymore. The smell alone is bad enough, but smoking isn’t really compatible with a healthy lifestyle.

I’m not saying you should quit to please your boyfriend, however, I think you need to be aware that your relationship may be at risk if he remains a former smoker and you remain a smoker.

16

Another endorsement for Chantix. I smoked 2 packs a day for 40 plus years and quit after a week on Chantix - and it wasn’t even painful. I NEVER thought I would be able to quit. I took the meds for only six weeks. I’ve been smoke-free for almost 5 months. And I must say that I had forgotten what it was like to BREATHE. I don’t even have to use Primatine anymore. And no, I don’t work for Pfizer. And no, in my heart of hearts I really didn’t want to quit either.

17

I quit and my wife still smokes. I just knew I was ready to quit and have it stick, it took me 7 tries before that. I think trying to quit is a wise thing to do, mostly because I don’t know of a single person that quit on their first try. But I think most people you ask that have successfully quit* knew* that they were ready to pull it off the last time they did.

18

OK, let us say you are OK with the chance you’ll kill yourself by smoking. Hey- it’s your life.

But by smoking, you greatly increase the chance your BF will start up again. Are you willing to take his life in your hands also?

Either stop or leave him. Sorry.

19

You can even score brownie points with him by telling him that you’re doing it for him. Only we will know that you’re actually doing it for yourself.

20

As his senses of smell and taste improve, and they will, he will notice that you stink of cigarettes. And even brushing your teeth will not help because the cigs have permeated your entire body. After you quit, you will notice other smokers’ body-stink and will be chagrined that you ever walked around smelling like that.

I know smokers and non-smokers can cohabitate in love, but I also know that second-hand smoke can create health problems for the non-smoker. Further, studies have shown that “third-hand” smoke (“the invisible yet toxic brew of gases and particles clinging to smokers’ hair and clothing”) can create health problems as well. See this article.

As an ex-smoker who values my non-smoking spouse, I vote with try to quit. Do it because you love him and you want a LONG and healthy life with him.

Good luck!! I’m rooting for you!