My cat broke her leg, I had her euthanized, and I feel like shit

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m not a good dad. I want to be, but I just suck at it.

This extended to my cat. Lucy. I was a bad cat dad because I let her outside my apartment whenever she wanted. Some days, I wouldn’t see her, and except for her empty food bowl in the morning I would have no sign of her presence. But then she’d get in the mood to be a homebody, and would spend days indoors. I always preferred those days, since I knew she was safe.

Lucy was a free spirit. Lots of people in the neighborhood knew her. But she was my buddy; she’d frequently nap on my lap (to get her to move in just had to tell her I needed to get up; somehow she understood. She’d meow in protest but get up to let me escape). If she saw me outside, she’d run to greet me. When I walked across the parking lot to the laundry room, she’d follow me - I always thought of Mary and her little lamb.

She was smart, and careful around cars. But last Wednesday I got a call from a neighbor - Lucy must have been hit by a car, because she was injured and couldn’t walk.

I frantically returned home to find her in a cat carrier, meowing plaintively. I rushed her to the only place I could find that would help her at 6 pm - “Urgent Vet”.

2 hours and $2400 later, I was told that she arrived in a state of shock. She had broken her leg and pelvis. They said that I could transfer her overnight to a hospital, where an orthopedic surgeon might be able to do surgery the next day.

She wouldn’t be able to go outside again. The doctor said something about her having trouble going to the bathroom, but I wasn’t sure if that was meant as a prognosis. It was a blur, but she emphasized that just transferring her would cost $5,000 or so, and that was before the cost of surgery.

And she said there was another option: “humane euthanasia”.

My heart sank. It hasn’t lifted. I suspect that the medical staff identified her as a humane execution as soon as she came in, and it was just a matter of getting me to come around.

But I felt like I wasn’t given time to really make the decision. They brought her in to see me. She was in a nice soft bed, laying there, calm and awake. She purred when I scratched her chin, but she wasn’t really reacting like herself (she’d normally lean in to a chin scratch, or recoil if I tried to head butt her; not this time).

But - I just gave up. They came in, gave her two shots, and she was dead.

I still feel broken. She trusted me. And I didn’t fight for her.

I’ll never have another cat. I only had her 4 years. And I didn’t do her right.

I’m so sorry Lucy.

Misread thread titles
2

It’s always a difficult decision to make. Think of like this: She likely would have never fully recovered from a broken pelvis, and would be in pain. She’s no longer suffering.

:people_hugging:

3

Over in that Bend, Oregon school shooting thread … there’s a whole lot of (IMHO, appropriate) talk about “the least worst” option.

Sometimes, life hands you shitty cards, and you play them the best you can.

I think you did the least worst thing you could have. Be gentle with yourself, good to yourself, and kind to yourself, and just grieve the passing of your beloved Lucy.

Most of us have been there.

Sending you a virtual hug.

4

I’ve had to have quite a few cats euthanized in all my years of being their caretaker. While none of them were due to injury, several had diseases that affected their quality of life, to the point where it was a mercy to end their pain. The worst case was Tuxedo a (obviously) black and white cat who developed a tumor. Due to his age it was essentially inoperable, but when first diagnosed he showed no signs of pain, so I put off doing anything. Eventually it became obvious that despite the loving attention of my other cats he had crossed the threshold into pain. The worst part was that when I took him to the vet for the last time there was some delay in bringing the shots in, and I ended up spending half an hour holding him and waiting. I was a blubbering mess by the time the vet returned.

Don’t let this prevent you from ever getting another cat. Allow yourself time to grieve, but consider getting another cat later. Due to my own health issues I’m no longer capable of caring for a cat, a week doesn’t go by when I don’t miss having a furball nuzzling up against me.

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You did do right by her; try not to beat yourself up. Sometimes all we can do is send them on their way. Some call it The Ultimate Kindness - cold comfort.

Rethink getting another cat; there’s one somewhere that needs you.

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This. A broken leg can be fixed but a pelvis is so fundamental she would never completely recover. Pets are wonderful companions but there are times you have to step up and be a steward. Do your best to forget those last horrible hours and remember the many more good times you had with her.

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I have had to euthanize several dogs over the years – mostly due to complications of old age – but it never got easier. I can still cry thinking about a dog that we had to euthanize 50 years ago. Like @LurkMeister we no longer have the funds and energy to take care of a new one, but I walk every morning and have made many furry friends.

It’s more difficult to make friends with the cats in the neighborhood, because we have lots of coyotes, and the only intelligent decision is to keep your cats indoors, but I made a few feline friends. Good thoughts to you. Don’t be too hard on yourself (not easy, I know).

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I’m very sorry for your loss. Sometimes eurhanasia is the kindest option.

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Sorry for your loss. These decisions are difficult…don’t be hard on yourself.

I chose to believe our animals essences just relocate to another being born,…so be on the lookout for Lucy, she might seek you out.

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Oh, Moriarty you are NOT a bad dad. You absolutely did the right thing.

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I’d have done just the same. Many times I’ve tried too hard to hold on, and I’ll always feel guilty for that. It’s so much better for the both of you to not go through the heroic measures.
I’m really sorry you’re hurting.

12

Grieve well.

That means follow the steps. You’ll get passed the guilt phase..

All the steps are hard in their own way but the guilt phase is especially trying.

I wish you peace.

13

Making such decisions are near impossible. How can someone choose such a thing? I get it but that really sucks.

All the best to you. I know this breaks your heart but you will get through it. You will never forget her and you will always miss her but you will be ok in time. Just hurts like hell now.

14

These are the hardest decisions we have to make as pet owners. It never seems like the right time. None of us were there–you knew Lucy best, and I’m sure you made the right decision given what you had to work with. Please be kind to yourself.

And remember this - you were with her when she passed. She didn’t know fear of the future. Cats don’t think like that. All she knew was that her beloved person was with her as she gently slipped away and was no longer in pain.

RIP, Lucy.

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I’m so sorry, both for your loss and all the regret you have and will have for what you did or didn’t do.

you DID give her the last, best gift in that you ended her pain.

I hope you can come to forgive yourself. Grief is hard; take care of yourself. :broken_heart:

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You were also in shock. Try to be more gentle with yourself.

I’ve known vets I would trust to make that decision, which they can’t specifically say out loud, but can indicate by the way they explain the options (and I’ve had a vet do that, in either direction: there’s quite a difference between, from the same vet, “she needs treatment we can’t supply here, I know who can, I can make that appointment right now for you” and “I have to tell you that this treatment is available though we can’t do it here, but in addition to the cost the prognosis is still not great and he might not survive the surgery.” I don’t, obviously, know the vet. you were dealing with; but it reads to me more as if you were being told the latter.

And you gave her the life that she wanted. There are other cats out there who need you. Give yourself the time you need; but yes, when it’s time, open your home to another cat.

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You did the right thing.

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Sometimes the right thing makes you sad anyway. Our condolences.

19

The vet steered you where she did for good reason. You just didn’t know it yet.

It’s really tough to have the responsibility of life and death for another creature. You never feel like you’ve done enough. But you made the right decision.

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I agree with others, you did the right thing. A broken pelvis is very hard for a cat to recover from. Also, it’s difficult to keep a cat that’s used to being outdoors inside and happy. So you letting her roam was probably being a good cat dad, as well.

I’ve had to euthanize more than one cat over the years. The most recent was Estelle, a stray who decided I was her human. She loved me and trusted me, but eventually her health was bad enough that I couldn’t deny that it was time. Even though we have four cats, one of which has decided that I’m his human, I still dream about petting her sometimes.

And yeah, there’s always another cat that would be really grateful to be loved if you have the time, finances and energy. If you’re ready to have another cat for a friend, you’ll know when you meet them.