My cat was locked in the home office all afternoon, and when we went inside and let him out, a few minutes later . . we noticed that unmistakeable smell—cat shit.
Without completely overturning the office, or the house, we cannot locate the fucking turd, but it smells. BAAAAAAAAAD. We checked in corners, we checked in every nook and cranny (cats tend to shit in hard to find places) and NO LUCK.
The cat itself is of course giving no clues whatsoever as to the location of the dump. He walked in, mowed, and left the room as if everything was ladeeeeda.
A second cat was in here 20 minutes ago, and sniffed around, but clearly did not recognize the offending material.
This has happened before in the garage, and it wasn’t until we did the semi-annual garage cleaning that we found the months-old doodie, which was usually in some boxes. Another time one of the cats crapped behind the car tire.
I’m bamboozled . . . where the FUCK did this cat take this enormous shit??? Any clues would be greatly appreciated.
If you get really desperate, you can do a binary search. Move half of the stuff out of that room and wait a few minutes. Either the smell stayed in the room, or it’s with the stuff that you just moved. Keep repeating that, narrowing it down by half each time. Eventually, you should be left with just a turd.
It might not be enormous, either. If there were a unit measure for stinkiness – oh, let’s call it an “urgh” – cat shit has to have more urghs per cubic centimeter than any other substance on the planet. It doesn’t take very much cat shit to stink up a whole room.
Now that I think about it, it’s possible the cat took two deuces (a quad?), and the binary search method will just distribute the smell around the house.
Look behind your desk. You know, where all your computer cords are? It will be balanced upon the cords. Mid-air. It will be loose, as in diarrhea. You will have to clean off each cord individually.
How do they do that? I don’t know.
[MOD NOTE]
Approximately 47 million people have now reported this thread, asking that it be moved out of GQ. It is, indeed, a general question with a specific answer, but nobody can be expected to actually answer that question. The problem is, I can’t think of another forum that fits it any better, so we’ll just let it hang out here until it either fades away or degenerates into something that belongs in a different forum.
Thanks, folks, for keeping an eye on things and reporting the thread, but you can stop now
[/MOD NOTE]
Can your cat shit on a dime? The reason I ask, I had a friend several years back tell us that he could shit on a dime at an after party once and then, when given the appropriate and expected amount of ribbing and grief, he placed a dime on the floor, dropped his pants and underwear to his knees, squatted over the coin and somehow, someway dropped a single piece of poot precisely in the center of that dime without one bit of it being over the edge. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen, legendary even. It’s off no eternal significance you understand but legendary nonetheless. I mean here I am years later and still remember it vividly. You can’t teach that skill set, some people are just born with it and hey, why not a cat?
So that’s maybe where you should start looking for the cat crap. Think back, where in your office did you last drop a dime?
