My Christmas tree smells like poo

I trudged down our mountain this morning, cut down our annual Charlie Brown weed tree, brought it inside and put it up. I must have dragged it through something nasty, but odor didn’t have time to really mature till the thing came to room temperature.

Now it’s fully ripe. :frowning:


I think our tree got shipped to Lowe’s surrounded by bales of straw. We’ll be picking it out for a while tonight. But no poop / dead things. Sorry boutcha.

It could be worse. (Page down to “Reports from the Fringe.” )

In the 80’s people were cutting down the interstate evergreen trees on their way back to Chicago after hunting. I had thought the best thing the highway department could do was spray buck or skunk scent on the tops. You might have a yard Christmas tree there. I would do this if your evergreens are from 5 to 15 feet tall. Yes they cut off the tops and leave 10 feet of base.


This one’s really mine, all mine. We have about 5000 mossy pine trees on our property. This one is about 5 feet tall, 6 feet wide and weirder than shit. Smells like a pine tree through, now that its been hosed off and dried…

…except that it doesn’t exactly.


[Mr. Hankey’s voice] “Howwwwdy-Ho! It looks like you’re looking for a Christmas tree – am I right? I’ll be happy to help you find just the right one. Hey, this one looks good! No, this one, look up, I’m on a branch near the top… Lemme hop around this one a bit and make sure it’s nice and symetrical for you…”[/H’sv]

“Gee, thanks, Mr. Hankey.”

That reminds me of the joke about the woman who had been grocery shopping and was in the elevator on the way up to her apartment when she had to pass gas. She was alone on the elevator so she let it rip and it was very nasty. Fortunately she had bought some pine-scented air freshener so she took it out of her grocery bag and sprayed it around the elevator, just in time, too, because the elevator stopped on the next floor. A nice-looking man got on and she was relieved she had covered up the scent when he sniffed and said, “Sheesh, it smells like someone shit a Christmas tree in here!”

I’m too late to make any Mr. Hankey jokes.

I’m also at a loss for words regarding the ad at the bottom of this thread.