My closest friend in the world

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Is moving away on Saturday. If you don’t like personal stories, hit your back button now- this is gonna get mushy.

My own mother and I don’t get along at all- she was (and sometimes still is) extremely emtionally abusive to me. Not a nice person. I grew up bitter and angry- an attitude that carried through to adulthood. After much work on my part, I’ve been able to move on and become the nice person I knew I could be.

Enter friend. We were co-workers and discovered we lived just 4 miles away from each other, prompting us to carpool. We shared many stories on the way to and from work, worked on problems, and just enjoyed each others company. She is in her late 40’s, I’m in my late 20’s. She became a close friend and definate mother figure to me.

She convinced me that I was worth loving as a friend and a daughter- that my own mother was wrong and she was right. She was proud of my accomplishments no matter how trivial.

I in turn became the daughter she never had. We shop together, she taught me to cook and keep house (she’s very talanted at entertaining and decorating- I was not). She encouraged me to cook my first Thanksgiving dinner for my family and called me several times that day to check on my progress and help.

We spent many, many mornings chatting over tea at her house, eating homemade biscotti and enjoying the peace of each others company. On mothers day last year, I gave her a card that said “If I ever could have picked a Mom, it would have been you. I’m so glad I have you as a friend”

In October she broke her ankle, and I spent several months bringing her to the doctor, the grocery store, shopping and out to the movies. And I was damned glad to be able to do it.

We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve shared so much- now she’s leaving.

Saturday morning the moving van is coming and it’s all going to change. I’m trying to be strong about it (for her) but I’m having trouble stopping the tears. I’ve never been this close to another person in my life, and all I want to know is who the hell is going to stop over and ask how my special dinner came out- or help me pick out new curtains. Or just plain give a shit about my mundane life?

Sorry if I depressed anyone- where the hell are those kleenex?
Zette

Reminds me of the Sting song “I’m So Happy That I Can’t Stop Crying”

Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.

Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity

2

Do not fear…distance will not make a difference. Believe me I know. My dearest friend is in Canada…and I am in North Carolina. We talk on the phone and on the computer a lot but we’ve only been face to face for a few days…with more to come. But she is still my best buddy. And your “mother” will be too no matter where she goes and no matter how far. You may not get to see her as much but there is the telephone and there is the computer. You will be surprised at how much contact you will be able to maintain. Keep your chin up.

“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda

  • Intern to El Presidente
    Self-Righteous Clique *
3

Oh man, that stinks! I know how you feel…

But, the good thing is that you’ll still be able to be in contact with her. She’s moving away physically, not out of your heart. If anything, your relationship will probably grow closer. Does she have a computer? Will you be able to email and Instant Message each other?

I’m sorry she’s moving, Zette. Is it far away? I hope she’s close enough where you can drive to see each other.

{{{{{{{{Zette}}}}}}}}}

4

Actually, she’s moving a 12 hour drive away. Not drivable for me (I can’t ride in a car/bus that long because of my back). I am already pricing Amtrack and plane fares to try to get there and visit.

I think what I’m so sad about is the loss of daily contact with someone I love very much that loves me too. I never expected to be lucky enough to have that. Now, regardless of e-mail or IM’s, that part is gone. I’ll get over it, I know- but it isn’t any easier today, that’s for damned sure.

Thanks so much for your good thoughts,
Suzette

Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.

Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity

5

Well…you’ve got us, for starters. Sure can’t beat the human/physical touch but could be the next best thing. We can be abusive at times, but think about all those thousands of shoulders you can rely on.

You’ll get through this, Zette. I have no doubt about it. As I have no doubt you’ll stay in touch with your friend. I’m sure you’ll be able to count on her in more difficult times. Caring ex-neighbor/second mother and Dopers. Can’t beat the combination.

6

Big hugs, Zettebaby.

Now that you believe what your friend knows about you (that you’re way worth loving), I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much easier it is to make lifelong friends.

I’m sending some love your way. :slight_smile:

7

I’m so sorry that you are feeling so sad Zette girl, but keep one thing in mind. You and your friend have an unending bond.

There are so many ways to keep in touch. Phone calls can be inexpensive, handwritten letters as opposed to emails are always a wonderful thing to receive from someone you care so much about.

As my friend from N.C. so eloquently put it…You will be surprised at how much contact you will be able to maintain. Keep your chin up.

You will definitely smile again Zette because as you already know, good things happen to good people :slight_smile:

We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

8

You are obviously very close. Once you reach that point, it doesn’t matter how far away you are. I live in Chicago, and have very, very dear friends in Tampa, Boston, New York, and L.A. You can pick up the phone after months or even years, and it seems like no time has gone by at all.

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Zette, I know how you feel. I was an Army Brat, and I experienced this every few years. :frowning: You’re right, that daily person to person contact is priceless.

But, long distance friendship ain’t that bad. I live about 7000 miles away from my best friend, and though I miss doing things together, we are still as close as we ever were. :slight_smile:

10

Well, the distance does make it hard, but it doesn’t preclude the continued growth of the friendship. The best friend I have ever had moved to Paris about 12 years ago. Really, not much has changed in our relationship. Of course, we don’t see each other as often as we used to, but with e-mail, letters and the phone, it’s not so bad. In some ways, it’s even better. For example, I now have several huge stacks of letters wrapped in ribbons that not only tell the story of years of friendship, but they are beautifully crafted in her own hand. I read them whenever I miss her. Unless I really miss her a lot–thehn I phone :slight_smile:

“I should not take bribes and Minister Bal Bahadur KC should not do so either. But if clerks take a bribe of Rs 50-60 after a hard day’s work, it is not an issue.” ----Krishna Prasad Bhattarai, Current Prime Minister of Nepal

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Thanks for the thoughts and encouragement. I know we’ll stay close- it’s the loss of the day to day stuff that will be so damned hard. Thanks for listening :slight_smile: you guys rock.
Zette

PS- it didn’t make my day any easier to stop over there and see the moving van this morning…sigh…

Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.

Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity

12

Echo what Canthearya said –

What you’ve learned from this friendship is something you’ll be passing on to someone else – sooner or later, I’ll bet you’ll find yourself being a “mother” to someone like you. What a great way to keep the love alive and growing.

13

Just an update:
We all got together on Friday night for merriment and cheer, followed by a tearful, heartwrenching goodbye. It wasn’t easy, but I got through it OK I guess.

She made it down there yesterday evening, and they’re moving into the new house on Monday morning. I’m hoping to visit her in April (hopefully her husband and I can arrange for it to be a surprise).

Thanks again for everyones care and support. :slight_smile:
Zette

Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.

Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity

14

Zette, I am sorry to hear about your friend. I know that it is very difficult but you will find a way to stay close, emotionally if not physically.

But hey, we are always willing to listen to stories about your mundane life! :slight_smile:

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.

15

My best Friend, with whom I had shared many really remarkable times, moved 10,000 miles back to her homeland, over 15 years ago.

It was tearful, and it was hard, and we both knew our lives would never be the same. But I could phone/email her today and it would be just like it had never happened

It amazes me but I agree with everyone who says, distance doesn’t matter when it comes to souls.

“Wisdom is the booby prize, they give you when you’ve been unwise.”

16

How’s this for an old thread ressurection?

I was looking for this thread to post elsewhere, and I thought I’d update it- wow, almost 3 years have gone by.

On Monday I requested a transfer to a NC facility and I’ll be staying with my friend Cindy, who moved away 3 years ago. My husband will be following as soon as the house is sold and we’re going to be living about 20 minutes away from her.

The folks here were right- I got to visit about every 4 months or so, including a trip last year to take care of her following surgery. We’re closer then we’ve ever been, have been there for each other through thick and thin, and are both in absolute shock and awe that we’ll be living nearby again. (together, for a while)

Wow. Wish me luck that my transfer goes well and I just get down there soon. I couldn’t be any more excited about this. I’ve wanted to move south for years, and now I’m finally going. What an exciting time for me!

17

I remember this thread! Oh Zette, what great news!

NC is a beautiful place… Pine trees and the ocean go so well together.

Big skanky love, girlfriend!

18

so cool!!!

just remember the bugs are bigger in nc than ny. be prepared.

19

NO BUGS. And I also know for a fact there are no scary snakes, either. Nope, nope, nope- none there!

Thanks for the good wishes. I can hardly believe it myself. I’m looking so forward to this. I got to call her yesterday and let her know that my boss said there are positions available and that we can talk Monday about a timeline. This is awesome.

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I visited an Army buddy in NC, and I really enjoyed it. Nice place.

Best of luck on your new job and new home.

(PS- Yep, them bugs was big!.)