My Co-Woker and the "Psychic": What to Say?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My co-worker just got back from vacation and couldn’t wait to tell me what had happened to her. She went on a tour of a “haunted jail” in St. Augustine, Florida. The tour guide approached her during the tour and started into this I-see-dead-people thing.

Now, to her credit, my co-worker does understand about “cold reading” and thinks that people like John Edward are full of it. But she was floored by what the I-See-Dead-People lady told her and honestly, I don’t really know how to reply. “Lucky guess,” doesn’t seem likely to convince her.

ISDP lady picked her out of the group, seemingly at random and said, “You’ve always wondered if they know you’re there. They do.”

My co-worker said she played dumb and said that she didn’t know what the woman meant, but it did give her a start. She and I work in a museum which used to be an old house. We’ve joked for years about the “ghosts” in there (even though neither of us really believe that there are and we haven’t seen anything “spooky.”)

ISDP lady was insistant: “You’ve always said you wondered if they knew you were in there. I see you in an old house. Do you live in an old house?”

“No,” replied my co-worker, which is true. “I live in a new house.”

ISDP lady wasn’t deterred. “You’re in some sort of old house all the time. They do know that you’re there and they’re happy about it. She wonders why you don’t come to the kitchen more often.”

Now my co-worker was a little weirded-out. We don’t clean the kitchen in the house very often because it’s not a room that’s commonly used.

She then turned to my co-worker’s mother and said, “Your husband passed recently?”

Now, my co-worker said that she realized that this was probably a perfect example of “cold reading”: older lady, without a man with her . . . Co-worker’s mother said yes.

ISDP lady said, “He says he called you by some sort of unusual pet name . . . bunny? Bubbie?”

“Buddy.” That’s what he had always called her. THAT convinced my co-worker. ISDP lady went on to tell her that he said he she could go ahead and use his favorite chair, which she had avoided since his death. (That may be common enough to be able to hit on during a “cold reading”. I don’t know.)

So, what do I say to my co-worker. The “Buddy” thing was really what got her, but she’s really starting to believe all of this stuff and I don’t know how to reply to it. As I said, “Lucky guess” doesn’t seem to cover it.

And then again, I’m wondering if I should say anything at all. She seems genuinely comforted by the fact that her father “communicated” with her mother. But she keeps asking me what I think and I’m sort of scooting around giving her a concise answer. Now, she’s talking about seeing if she can find another psychic to visit. She’s not a wealthy lady and I’d hate to see her get suckered into spending money she can’t really afford.

So, what do you do in that situation?

2

I would ask her if it were possible that a confederate of the ‘psychic’ overheard a conversation between the co-worker and her mother. One big ‘hit’ like the pet name can seal the deal.
I would also ask her why the ghost had no problems pronouncing all of the other words, but stumbled over ‘buddy.’

3

I would try to talk her out of spending money on a psychic. Try to convince her that if her father communicated with her through the ISDP lady, and that if she is comforted by that fact, just to leave it alone.

My brother and his wife were here for a visit a couple of months ago. I was skeptical at first, but was convinced that my SIL actually does get visits occasionally from ghosts. My eyes were practically rolling out of my head! But her calm demeanor about it, and the fact that she doesn’t really want it to happen to her, convinced me.

It could be a true encounter! But there are a lot of frauds out there, and she should NOT spend money on them.

4

I wouldn’t say anything at all, your friend is free to believe what she wants to believe.

5

I had asked her what they were talking about when they approached the jail and while they were waiting for the tour. She thought for a minute and then said that they were laughing and talking about her son’s girlfriend.

I asked her if anyone had brought up “Buddy” or anything like that and she said no. They don’t talk much about her father because the wound is still sort of raw.

They had no idea a “psychic” would be leading the tour and weren’t expecting anything like that.

6

Part of the problem is that you’re hearing what the “psychic” said second hand. One thing a good cold reader can do, and that few people appreciate, is take advantage of selective memory with a few skillful questions. I’ve seen it happen a lot. A hypothetical example:

Psychic: Someone close to you, his name starts with a “J,” I think [the most common initial letter for a man’s name, or used to be].
You: Well, my brother’s name is “James.”
Psychic: And he died just recently?
You: No, he’s still alive [a miss, but most people don’t remember them].
Psychic: But I see . . . stomach trouble? [Everyone has stomach trouble, some time or other].
You: Well, he was at the doctor just recently . . .

This is a pretty hokey example, but you get the point. The amazing thing is, though, if you ask someone to recount the conversation, they’ll swear that the psychic “just knew” that they had a brother names James who went to the doctor, and they won’t be lying. That’s what they remember.

I’m not saying this is what happened, but I’d believe it before I believe that a tourist guide in Florida was a psychic.

7

Maybe you can convince your friend that there are a lot more fraud psychics out there than real ones - don’t waste money when she has already heard something that comforted her - i.e. don’t be greedy. And maybe ya’ll need to go into the kitchen more often, just to say hello.

8

Yeah, guessing the pet’s name is an amazing display of psychic talent:
Craig Schwartz: If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to come have a drink with me tonight.
Maxine: Why not?
Craig Schwartz: Okay. You look like a… BarrrRuuu - BellllLuuuu - Lllll - Carolllll - Taaaa-Sharrr - - SusaaannnEmmmmilllly - - Marr - laaarr - Maax… ine - M-M-M - Maxine?
Maxine: Yeah! Who told you?
Craig Schwartz: Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn’t that odd?
Some people are uncommonly attuned to the body language and emotional states of others; it’s called empathy. This, combined with some amount of credulity from the mark (particularly a mark that has suffered a recent loss and wants to be reassured–ever wonder why these people are so often preying on people who’ve recently lost a loved one?) makes it pretty easy to give a phenomonally “accurate” reading.

There’s no point in saying anything to your co-worker, though. Unless she’s being bilked out of money or led into some kind of con job, you’re not going to do anything good for her, and she’s not going to be swayed from her belief in what she witnessed. It’s much more appealing to be mystical and mysterious than objective and skeptical.

Stranger

9

I somehow misread “Bunny…bubble” as being a pet’s name, rather than the widow. :smack:

Contemplate this one for a minute, though: what are some of the most common affectionate names? Bunny. Honeybonny/honeybon. Boobie. Baby. Et cetera. How much of a stretch is it that she could guess something close to this “unusual” pet name (or that if she didn’t, she’d move on to some other common habit or tic)? And it’s not unusual–to the point of certainty–that a long married couple are going to have favorite, or at least frequented, sitting places in the kitchen or dining table. This is classic cold reading technique, straight out of the textbook.

How about this: if your friend is dead-set on going to a psychic, make her set some specific goals or requirements, i.e. she wants to hear some specific bit of information that only the deceased would know, like a child’s middle name, the first car he owned, or how much money he blew on that failed investment in Panama. If the psychic can’t deliver this simple bit of trivia–no vacillating on how she can only relay what the deceased is telling her–then she walks.

I’m guessing that this probably won’t be to palatable to her, particularly if she’s desperate for comfort about her father, but about the only thing you can do is point out that, aside from religion and Nigerian banking investments, psychic reading is the only other field in which you hand over cash for no verification or receipt of goods and services. (We’ll aver from listing ambulance-chasing liability lawyers for the sake of pleasentness.)

Stranger

10

I’ve never been to a psychic, and don’t intend to go. I’m not much into that sort of thing. But…

A woman that used to work for me lost her wristwatch. For two weeks she bitched: Tore up the office and put it back together, tore her car apart and put it back together, said she did the same at home.

Then some friend of hers recommended a fortune teller that helped people find things. The next Sunday she drove 80 miles to see this physic over in Georgia. The guy told her the watch was under a cushion on her couch, lodged between the backrest and the frame.

She paid him $35, drove home and found the watch exactly where he said it would be. :eek:

How, why, I don’t know. Explanation; I got nothin’. All I know is that she did, indeed, lose her watch and then found it. She says he told her where to find it, and I worked with her for 26 years and never caught her telling a lie.

Some stuff is just weird.

11

Huh. I don’t believe in psychics, but I think I could say the following things to a coworker and still feel like I was being honest (with a healthy dose of tactful).

–It’s interesting/neat/unusual that this happened to her and her mom while on their tour.

–Part of what I find interesting/neat/unusual about it is that it was serendipitous, and if it were me, I would take it as a sign to leave it at that, and not seek out a paid psychic.

–(only if it fits with the dad’s personality) I might muse that my own dad would not want me forking over money for something I already got for free (which is true, although he’s never offered that particular advice about a psychic, exactly).

– Vague statement about how we find comfort after the death of a loved one in unexpected ways, and that I personally would cherish the comfort and not think too hard on how it came about.

12

I’m not psychic, but that would have been my first guess too. Throw in some ooga-booga and a couple of backup guesses just in case, and ooh, uncanny. And he had the $35 already anyhow.

13

I’d tell her that it is one thing for a ‘psychic’ to walk up to her and tell her something. But who sets up a shop and waits for you to pay for their ‘gift’ is something completely different.

Just tell her that you can’t explain what happened on the tour. But that doesn’t validate all psychics!

14

Whatever works for her, but - yes, this is an easy enough cold reading. Dad died in 2000: Mom still has problems laying anything on his bed; for the first few months after his death, she got a start whenever someone sat on his armchair (thus we made a point of using it - plus what the heck, it’s got the best angle for the TV!). Same for Rita about her husband, Abuelita about Abuelito…

And I know quite a few couples where the guy calls the girl Bunny or Bubbly. Not to mention the legions of Tarantino fans :wink:

15

Why? The psychic guessed wrong. She did not say the pet name.

Standard cold reading technique: say name, then several variations on it. Watch the reaction (if there had been no reaction for “bunny,” the psychic would have said something completely different). Then let the mark fill in the blanks.

16

Right off the bat, I would wonder how anyone can “tear up” their house looking for something and not look under the sofa cushions.

17

I can’t wait for the part where she gets told she’s ‘Cursed’ and has to cleanse herself by burning $100,000.00 in small bills in the Psychic’s special ‘cleansing stove’.

That would almost be as much fun as her channeling an indian chief who says, “Whoopi-Doopi…! Boy, we have Fun!”

18

Yeah, and she found her watch. Everybody came out a winner!

19

Count in my vote with those who said:

  1. Don’t dissaude her from believing that this was a real encounter. If she feels comforted, let it be. BUT:

  2. Please try to convince her that 99.9% of the “psychics” out there are scam artists, and they’ll charge you an arm and a leg for absolutely nothing. Tell her whatever you have to to ensure she does NOT spend her money on a psychic. It will be both heartbreaking and budget-breaking.

20

This is strange, because my mother tells a very similar story; she lost a gold wristwatch that belonged to her mother; one day she read her horoscope, which (rather inexplicably)contained the words ‘the gold watch is inside the cushion cover’. She looked inside the slip cover of one of the sofa cushions and it was there.

None of this makes me more inclined to believe in horoscopes - I just can’t work out what to make of it - As far as I know, my mum would not have fabricated the whole story, or attributed an UL to herself… My best guess is that she found the watch in the cushion cover, then had a very vivid dream about the horoscope that all somehow got merged together into a single story in her memory.